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Archive for January, 2007

Places I Wish To Go

Soufu make a post on 43 top places I wanted to go. Here comes my version.

1. Kinokuniya Book Store. Wahahaha. I am in KL now and will be going there tonight. I just go and see-see-look-look-smell-smell (I like to SMELL new books just like girls like to SMELL their shampoo and bath gel before they buy). Won’t really buy lots of books because buying books is easy but reading is painful (lots of time and energy)! So smell-smell is good enough.

Side note: for those who can invent a device that allows me to transfer all the information in a book to my brain within minutes, I will pay you 10 times the value of each book that I want to install to my brain. But I don’t want to kena electric shock and poke holes and wires on my body. Make it wireless please.

2. Beijing Olympic 2008, Opening Ceremony, Badminton and Rugby! I hope that Malaysia can win the very first Gold medal in badminton. Rugby is fun because you still got to MOVE FORWARD when 3 people are pulling youl.

3. Ice skiing! Prefer to go the US but I don’t think they will let me in because I look like a terrorist. Wahaha. And I am also an options trader. You need to declare if you are an options trader when you enter US (via the immigration form). Options trader are considered as potential terrorist by the US government. Osama Bin Laden bombed the World Trade Center on September 11. He bought a lot of PUT options at the same time (PUT options make money when stock market crashed). When the 2 towers came down, the US stock market also came down. So Osama made a lot of money to pay his employees and fund his R&D department. See, Osama is a very smart businessman too!

So I think I will have no choice but to choose Canada. Can’t pick UK because of their expensive UK Pound (7 Ringgit baru dapat 1 Pound, Celaka) and I really cannot tahan their slang. They speak with their nose! Pain become Pan, Year become Yee (1 yee, 2 yees), Fear become Fee (Fee Factor), ‘Are You Sure’ become ‘Are you Sor’, Malaysia become Mar-lai-siar… zzz

4. Pulau Pangkor. What the fuck! Pulau Pangkor?! Not French Polynesia, not Maldives, not Seychelles and Not Fiji? Yes, you are damn right, it is Pulau Pangkor that I want to introduce to you.

Come on. It is Visit Malaysia 2007! Have some support for Pulau Pankor. The pictures I show you are Pangkor Laut Resort. And I know your mind is still mumbling, “What the fuck, Pulau Pankor?!!!”. While you are still mumbling, please note that their room rates start from USD 275++ to USD 825++. Or you can book up special areas in the island for your own private use. Rates are between USD 8,000 to USD 14,000 for 3 nights.

Oh, by the way USD stands for United States Dollar and all prices are subject to 10% service charge and 5% goverment tax. Complete rates table are available here.

Now only you know you are god damn poor. Wahahahaha.

Everyday (EVERYDAY!) you open the newspaper and you will read news about someone being conned (骗).

The story plot is almost the same everyday.

1. Victim receives an SMS claiming that he has won a lottery and is asked to call back. The lottery prize is usually RM30,000 to RM50,000. Why? Too big the amount is hard to believe, too small the amount cannot generate enough temptation.

2. Victim gets excited and call back. Conman (骗子) use all sorts of psychology, motivation, marketing, sales technique, religion talk, feng-shui and luck talk to bring you to HEAVEN (lot’s of pleasure on winning the lottery).

3. Conman then mention that they need to collect a small amount of ‘processing fee’, ‘insurance’ or ‘tax’ before they can release the lottery. (RM1,000 to RM5,000) The Key Part!

4. Victim transfer money to the conman (whom now become the real lottery winner because he gets the money) and wait to receive his RM50,000. He brags around his wife and friends for winning the lottery. He takes his families to eat TGI Fridays and celebrate with friends in KTV because he know tomorrow he is going to be rich.
5. He keeps checking his account balance to see if he has received the RM50,000, but the account only show him he has spent RM5,000 earlier.

5. He didn’t make the RM50,000. But indeed he makes a police report and make an old-boring-repeated-news on the newspaper.

6. Another victim, another police report, another news on the newspaper.

More surprisingly, one might thought someone who is smart and educated (i.e. professionals, university graduates, businessman …) won’t easily get conned. But INDEED, most people who get conned are actually lawyers and PHDs!

They are not stupid, they are greedy. They are perfect examples of the psychology ‘Pain and Pleasure’. ‘Pain and Pleasure’ means people will do anything to get PLEASURE (快乐) and will do anything to stay away form PAIN (痛苦). When there are both pleasure and pain, the force of staying away from pain will dominate. (Getting slim is a pleasure but exercising and stop easting is pain. So pain dominate and thus becoming fat is more preferable)

The money act as the PLEASURE and not getting the money act as the PAIN. Even they suspect it might be a SCAM, they will still give it a try because their mind keep saying, “What if it is real?!”. The pain of not getting the money IF IT IS REAL is so big that eventually they have to become the victim.

—-

*THINK*

- If you really are the winner of such a big prize, why didn’t they call you directly by phone instead of using an SMS? (remember they already know your phone number and is able to SMS you)

- If they know you are the lottery winner, how come they didn’t mention your name on the SMS?

- If you really need to pay RM5,000 processing fee or tax, why can’t they just deduct it from your RM50,000 prize and just pay you RM45,000?

—-

*SAD* :(
The PAIN and PLEASURE is so powerful that if you point to a potential victim that it is a SCAM, their face will immediately turn black and thought that you are insane! They can’t believe why you are so
stupid to believe that it is a SCAM. They will actually hate you and think that you are actually jealous on him. This will even push them to get the ‘money’ quicker so they can prove to you that you are wrong! (They are lawyers and PHDs and their ego tell them they are smarter than you!)
—-

WARNING: EVEN if you have read my post here, I can tell you that you can still be the next victim. Because from my experience, most people don’t learn until they really get burned. My post seems to be very logical and easy to understand. But in real case scenario where the PAIN and PLEASURE really kick in, you might become emotionally and can no longer be able to think logically. If you are the next victim, you can write a comment here so I can laugh. But don’t feel ashamed because you can said to yourself, “PHDs and lawyers also can get conned,why can’t me?”. (I am insulting you because I hope you will really learn something here)

Remember, If money just fall out of the sky, PIG CAN FLY! Wahahahaha.

pig fly

A similar Cantonis sayings is “边都会有甘大只kap-la 随街跳!” which translated to there won’t be a BIG FROG jumping on the street. I don’t know what kind of frog is a kap-la but I believe it is some kind of big eatable frog.

frog jump

This is an update to my favorite post How To Bribe A Police.

Disclaimer: Everything here didn’t happen in real life but only happen in my dream.

I paid a hefty tuition fee on finding those knowledge. Here is the breakdown.

1. RM30 – 1 police (Break Rule #1 – Look like a Virgin.)

2. RM100 – Real saman after discount (Break Rule #2 – Refuse to Talk because they accused me of speeding. RM100 is a small price. The big price is feeling upset for the next few months for being accused of something that I didn’t do!)

3. RM50 – 2 police (This one damn pain, already negotiate to RM20 in 5 mins but don’t have small note. Thus in my guide there is a special solution to this.)

4. RM15 – 2 police (Follow all the rules. Settle in less than 5 mins with a handshake and laughter. Win Win. No need to upset. No need to lose big money)

New Method Learned From My Friend – Settle Faster While Paying Less Without Talking!

My friend get caught by a police using handset while driving. His mum is beside him. The police asked for IC and driving license. While my friend wanted to give him those documents, her mum said, “Just give him RM5!”. My friend was *shocked*. Shocked for 2 reasons – “So Fast?” and “RM5 so little only?”. But he indeed just gave RM5 instead of giving his IC and driving license without any talking and negotiation! The police is unsatisfied (shown in face) but his mum just say, “Boleh lah, Boleh lah”. The police then go away.

* RESPECT *

1. 姜是老的辣 (Old people are smarter)

2. 一山还比一山高,强中自有强中手 (There is always someone better than you)

This post is dedicated to Shar who seems like the only one who read my whole blog! :D

Soufu ask me to take a look at Steve Pavlina’s blog. My first impression is, “Yucks, who need another motivation blog?”. So I challenged soufu that NO ONE will be reading this blog. From my perspective, people don’t want motivation, people only want quick-fix to problems. People don’t want to diet and exercise to slim down. People like products that can help them to slim down without exercising and without the need to stop eating. People don’t want to learn about investing, but prefer to be told exactly what stock to buy or using a fully-automated trading system…

So I bet with him that this site will not be as popular as Kennysia’s blog. So we check on the Alexa ranking.

Cibai, my first ‘gambling’ in 2007 lost to soufu (Yesterday a ‘chinese feng-shui oracle’ in TV said people who is born in the Monkey year shouldn’t gamble in 2007, seems like he is right. But I still think he is a sin-kar-lan because soufu is also born in the Monkey year. So if Monkey bet with Monkey, who will win?). Steve Pavlina site is ranked the 2,549th most popular site in the internet! While Kennysia is around 21,491th! Losing by 18,000 spots.

[sin-kar-lan: cantonis, people who talk cock like ahyap]
This ‘Steve’ guy immediately get my attention. I read his About Page and here is an interesting excerpt.

… he started over in college and graduated in three semesters with a double-major in Computer Science and Mathematics. Steve has run the L.A. Marathon, trained in martial arts, and maintained a 100% vegan diet. He can juggle, count cards at blackjack, …

[juggle: To keep (two or more objects) in the air at one time by alternately tossing and catching them.]

Now, this man is what I call, people who have the GENETIC. Do you have it? I am not as smart as him, if I am to write my about page, it will go like this

… AhYap started over in college and graduated in NINE semesters, extending one extra semester as he is unable to complete his required credits within 8 semesters. He completed the 1.5km run in school for 8 minutes and 48 seconds, awarded the grade of ‘E’ (most people complete the run below 5 minutes), trained in tae-kwan-do for 1 year but still unable to kick above waist level, and maintained a 80% vegan diet (finally something similar, yeah). He can’t remember his girl friend house phone number, can’t differentiate between stalagmites and stalactites when studying geography, can’t even win noobs in Dota after playing for so many hours … (BTW, soufu also cannot win the noobs, wahahaha)

Do you see? I don’t have the genetic!

… …

But Wait! Don’t pity (可怜,同情)me! People who always like to be pitied will always be a loser. People who like to pity others are usually losers as well.

- You screw up in something, someone (mother, wife, teacher, friend, colleague, dai-yi-ma…) come and pity you and tell you, “Honey, it is ok …” You immediately feel the love and connection. Screwing up doesn’t seems so bad now! Then the next time you screw up again, they come to pity you again… again and again… and you are now trained that whenever you need love and connection, you will subconsciously try to screw up. Don’t agree with me? What if you are successful? People around get jealous. They stay away from you or even talk bad about you. You don’t get the love and connection. So subconsciously you learn that being successful is bad and screwing up is good.

- People like to pity losers and jealous on winners. When they saw losers, they are happy! They feel like their life is not that screw up as somebody else is more screw up then them! They feel significant (重要性). So they like to pity. If someone is better than them, they feel like a loser (insignificant). They hate to feel like a loser, so they prefer to pity losers instead of praising winners. So subconsciously, people are trained to pity losers and jealous on winners.

- Since people like to pity (to feel significant) and be pitied (to get love and connection), losers always stick together to reaffirm each other. When I screw up, another loser can come to pity me. Both of us are happy. When another loser screw up, I can go and pity him. Both of us are happy.

This is why cibailang says, “We live in a Cibai world!”.

So if you want to be a loser, go pity someone, or enjoy being pitied.

You must have heard of goal setting. I think it is boring and I hate it when books and seminars ask me to do so. Do you like it?

In a short seminar, the speaker ask us to bring out a paper and write down 10 things that we want in life, in 1 minute. So I just pretend I write something but actually I wrote nothing. Because in my mind, I am thinking, “Oh come on, don’t make me do this stupid goal setting again”.

*Surprise*Surprise*

He didn’t ask us what goals we set, nor did he motivate us get it … He just say this,

“Look at what you have written, many people don’t get want they want in life because they don’t know what the want!”

It’s like a smack on my head. This is not a goal setting session. Instead, he is trying to point out the fact that most of us doesn’t know what we want in our life. How can you get want you want if you don’t know what you want in life? Now to be honest, do you know what you want in your life?

Michael Dell knows he want to beat IBM in the PC market.

Bill Gates knows he want to dominate the software for PC.

Warren Buffet told his neighbor he will be a millionaire by 30. He is now the 2nd richest man in the world.

A goal is nothing but a decision. The 2nd chapter of Anthony Robbins’ Awaken The Giant Within talks about DECISION.

- You set a goal to visit Japan in 2007. Isn’t that you have made a decision to go to Japan in 2007?

- You set a goal to buy a new house in 2007. Isn’t that you have made a decision to buy a new house in 2007?

Now in 2006, I got pretty tired for my routine works for 3 years after graduation. I make a decision to actually rest for 1 year. (You can say I set a goal to rest for 1 year). And know what? I did rested the whole 2006 doing nothing productive at all!

What you decide for is what you get! I make a stupid decision to rest for 1 year and I really ended up doing nothing for 1 year. I did accomplished my goal – rest 1 year. But at the same time, I also wasted 1 year. And god, 1 year is a very very long time. If you make your girl friend pregnant, it only takes 10 months to see your baby. So you got marry her and prepare your wedding in the first few months, before her tummy come out. Wahahahaha.

- Make a good decision, you get a good result

- Make a bad decision, you get a bad result

The reason I pointed out that a goal is nothing but a decision is because, you might think that goal setting is unrelated to you. But you are WRONG! Every second in your life, you are making decisions. You are actually setting goals for yourself without realizing it!

What if you don’t want to make a decision? That actually means you have make a decision not to make a decision! Instead of leading your life with decision, you have decide to lead your life by conditions. So at the end, you have also make a decision. And that’s a BAD decision (like my 2006 decision to do nothing). You will get what you decide for!

This is what differentiate achiever (successfully people) and ordinary people (losers). Achievers make decisions every moment to lead their life. They decide what they are going to eat, what book to read, what job to get, what friends to make, what *NOT* to eat, what time to sleep, etc.

Ordinary people make a decision not to make a decision but let the conditions and circumstances lead them. So they go to the university that seems like destiny (命运) want them to go , they take the course that seems like destiny want them take, they meet friends that seems like destiny want them to meet, they have living style and eating habits that seems like destiny want them to have … Their job, their relationship, their health, their financial condition, their time … all are lead by life conditions.

A good metaphor for this is that if you are rowing a boat in the river. If you don’t decide where you want to go, you have actually decided to let the condition lead you. So the condition here is the flowing water. Most people don’t realize about this, until one day, they saw a waterfall coming 100m from them! And that is a personal disaster.

In real life, it can be losing your job at 40 with a wife and 4 children with $0.35 in your bank account and owning your bank $328,888 for the loan for your bungalow and big car. It can also be that your doctor told you, “I am sorry that you are diagnosed with lung cancer and you will only be living for another year”. Or maybe, I say to you “Congratulation, you are HIV positive!” (because you told yourself that you are a sales engineer, you have no choice but to ‘call chicken’ (叫鸡) along with your clients).

Friend, when you see the waterfall, it is already too late! At that time you can either blame (still doesn’t admit it is your fault) or learn something, but still it is too late!

You might hope that you had make a decision not to smoke even all your colleagues do. Instead of saying, “All my friends are smokers, so I have to smoke too” (lead by conditions). Or even better, decide to stay away from friends that have bad habits such as drinking and smoking.

You may wish that you have decided to eat differently, instead of thinking at that time, “My grandfather, my mother-in-law, my colleague, my friends, all people in Malaysia also eat like that!” (lead by conditions). Remember most of them had or will be meeting the waterfall! You can decide if you want to be like them or not like them.

You can decide not to have sex with the hooker. Just pay the bill for your client and wait outside (or pretend inside). Instead of saying, “I have no choice, that’s my job”. (lead by conditions). Or even better, decide to get another job!

You can decide in everything! What friends you want to make, what job you want to pursue, how you spend your time, how to spend your money, what hobbies to have, to smoke or not to smoke, 2 wifes or 20 wifes (joking, but still what you decide is what you get) … You can always say NO to something (your decisions), instead of thinking that you have no choice (the conditions).

If you really read my post until here, make decisions yourself and lead your life by your own decisions. Don’t let the conditions lead your life! Don’t say the phase, “I have no choice”! You always have a choice to decide what you want to do about something.

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