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Archive for February, 2007

What can be weird about my Chinese New Year?

1. All people eat mandarin oranges, even Malay and Indians buy them. But I haven’t eat one this year. I eat some last year, but I didn’t eat any in 2004 as well. I love to eat, I just don’t eat. Hmmmm, what is the logic?

2. All people buy new clothes. Chinese believe they have to buy NEW clothes for NEW year so they can have good luck. If they don’t wear NEW clothes in NEW year, they will have very bad luck for the whole year! Bullshit. I didn’t buy and wear any new clothes for CNY in 2003 and 2004. And I do very well in 2003 and 2004. I buy new clothes in 2002, 2005 and 2006 (no money in 2002, girl friend force me to buy in 2005 and 2006), and those are my fuck up years, having screw up in almost everything (study, work, love) in 2002 and do nothing productive in 2005 and 2006.

3. People like the food in CNY, chickens, ducks, pigs, yucks, I hate bloody meat. Lion and tiger eat meat because they don’t have a choice, they can’t think. But human can think. And if human really meant to eat meat like animals, then do the way animals do. EAT RAW MEAT! No lion cook their dinner before they eat. And no tomato sauce please!

4. Ang Pow sucks. I receive around 30-50 ang pows every year (my grandfather have 1 daughter and 10 sons, the daughter is the eldest making 10 sons a straight set, who say probability works?) Quantity doesn’t mean anything. The total income from my ang pows total to less than RM100 for many years. These guys don’t understand inflation, 20 years ago, the ang pow size is RM2. Today they still give RM2, don’t they know Pop Piah was selling for 40 cents 20 years ago and now it is selling for RM1.30 for the SAME POP PIAH? My parents also give me RM2 ang pow for many years. Note: Not RM2 from Papa and RM2 from Mama, it is RM2 from Papa and Mama together sharing the same ang pow!!! So I tunjuk perasaan (boycott) 2 years ago by refusing their ang pow. It worked and they agree to increase it to RM10 per person. Wahahaha.

Happy belated Chinese New Year to all who read my blog! :D

Shock! Today NTV7 actually ‘advertise’ and ‘promote’ prostitution for FREE in their famous Edisi Siasat! As you know NTV7 Edisi Siasat is very brave and will dig in an issue very deep. They did it again today digging more about the prostitution in Malaysia.

[Prostitute: Chicken, Ayam, 鸡 that wear shoes]

For people like me who are not brave enough to try the chicken, NTV7 today did a great job to promote it to you and me. Why? Because by watching the show today, you will be fully guided on how to make your first move. They tell you -

1. Exactly the shop and street where you can get the service (with Map! Maybe they get from Google Map?). If you want to get the map and the street name, call NTV7 (they have hotline for Edisi Siasat) or find a way to watch the show again.

2. The market price for the service (which is standard at RM30, the same as 30min Foot Massage at bukit bintang). They have a standardized market price to prevent ugly competition like Digi with Maxis (Digi advertisement music: “I will follow you…” actually Digi want to tell maxis, I will follow your price cut no matter where you go!)

3. As the price suggest, the chicks are not Mat Salleh (鬼妹)and Hong Kong Beauty Pagent (香港小姐), they are mostly local from Sabah, Sarawak and imported from Indonesia, Thailand and Philippines.

4. If you watch the show, you know that the place will be a corridor full of rooms open on the left and right. Doors that are closed means ‘In Action’ or ‘Service Not Available’. Get nearer to the door and you might hear “Kimochi! Kimochi!” (Do you know what is kimochi? wahahahah) If doors are opened, the chicken will sit on the chair, smoking, crossing her leg, wearing sexy bra and short skirt waiting for you (the potential customer).

5. This is Direct Sale, no need to deal with Bapa Ayam (Father of Chicken? Chicken of Father?). You deal directly with the chicken.

But Becareful!!!

Edisit Siasat want to make sure they are really fucking in the room so the have setup hidden cameras in the room to confirm it (they admit it in the show)! Don’t get surprise if you see yourself in the cover of a DVD while shopping for Japan AV at pasar malam. I suggest they titled the VCD ‘Made In Malaysia’ or ‘Malaysia Boleh’.

Now, I know the law don’t allow prostitution, but I don’t think the law allow setting up hidden camera to spy on people having sex! NTV7 thought it is legal to do illegal things for the good?! (Like Robin Hood robbed the rich and gave to the poor)

For me, I think they are afraid that people will say they are making up the story, they need real proof to back it up. So they have to film the real Ramboo actions (those you watch on AV)! So if you want to watch free show, you can try accusing NTV7 making up the story, this way they might let you watch the show to say, “See, Edisi Siasat didn’t lie to you!”

No doubt, NTV7 real intention is to fight prostitution, but for me as a viewer, it’s more like a free promotion to prostitution by giving out these information (like place and price).

———

I read in somewhere that the 2nd oldest job in the world is politician (king, emperor, ketua kampung, ketua puak, general, etc.). Politicians are people who lead people and have more power among their group of people. I think it is correct because when we watch movies that talk about the old time (China Qin Dynasty, The Greece), they are usually war movies where the kings and generals (the politicians) talk about wars. Even there are kings and politicians in Lord of the Rings! So politician is the second oldest career in the history.

Then what is the No.1 oldest job in the world? And baby, that’s prostitution! Prostitution has existed not decades, not centuries, but thousands (millions?) years ago, before Jesus was here, before Buddha was here and before the time of ‘Lord Of The Ring’. Probably the stone age (services are traded with something like a drum-stick instead of money because there are no money! Sistem Barter, remember your history in Form 1?)

If prostitute has existed since the stone age, don’t you think it exists until today for a reason? Why this job didn’t die off? Even farmers are becoming less today compare to 50 years ago. But prostitution exists for thousand years and is still doing very well today!

Now instead of looking at history, we need to look at biology and economics (see the subjects you take in school aren’t rubbish as you think they are).

> BIOLOGY (Form 4) Sistem Pembiakan (Someone who read this please translate Sistem Pembiakan for me to English). [Someone has translated for me - Reproduction System]

Sistem Pembiakan is the system on “How human create more human”. (Huh?) If you don’t know, human is created when a sperm of a man meet an ovum of a woman. 1 sperm + 1 ovum = 1 human. But unfortunately, the school didn’t tell me how to transfer the sperm of a man to the ovum of a woman. Something missing in the process. How a sperm can suddenly find an ovum?! The study material is incomplete (Dato Seri Hishammuddin, can you take a look at this and fix the curriculum?).

Star Wars Episode 7 – Attack of the Sperm

> ECONOMICSSupply and Demand.

If there is demand, there will be supply! Demand for farmer is less today than 50 years ago, so supply also become less today. Demand for iPod is high today, so supply is also high (There is no iPod 10 years ago). So if demand for SEX increase, supply must also increase! Simple economics.

What if stupid people try to cut out the supply of SEX that is provided via prostitution? Supply become less, Demand get higher, ugly things will happen!

1. Price increased. You no longer can fuck with RM30. You may need RM60 or RM100. Good news for the chicken who survive but bad news for you (the customer).

2. More people get married so they can have sex legally. Nahhhh!!!! Unlikely!!!!

3. More people get raped!!! Demand must be balanced and human must create more human, the loyal customer who obtain SEX via prostitution now may need to consider other way to fulfill their need. Can they blame NTV7 if they rape someone and get caught? “Itu NTV7 lanjiao lar, jika bukan mereka saya boleh settle dengan RM30, sekarang ada duit put tak dapat ayam, lu ingat saya nak rogol ar?”

4. More daughters get raped by their father!!! Last time RM30 can settle clean and fast outside, now RM300 also might not have source! Daughter is FREE and usually dare not fight back. “If you tell your mum I will beat you to death, or beat your mother to death!”

———

Open minded people will be enjoying my bull-shit today. But some people will be quite pissed off because they will say something like, “Prostitute is Unethical”, “God forbid it” and “People should control their sex desire.”

I know! I agree! But you think everyone in this world is as well educated as you ar (or hold strong religion like you ar)? Or more sarcastically, you think everyone in this worlds is as lucky as you, who happens to born in better family, have better school, have better financial situation and have a wife willing to marry you? There are children who parents died or dumped them at young age. There are children who have 15 brothers and sisters which have no attention and love from their parents and no money to buy school uniform. They don’t grow up normally and most of them don’t even go to school, how can you expect them to think as logic and ethic as you?

There are also people who look like an elephant but at the same time god give him the same sex drive like normal people. There are lots of people who are disabled and look like a freak (tiny legs or hands like needle, no nose but got 2 nose hole, cannot walk straight but walk like a crab from left to right the whole life …) and again god didn’t take away their sex drive. So what can they do? Prostitution is the best way to solve their problem cheaply and easily. They only need RM30. They are not greedy and don’t need a Hong Kong pageant, they just want to adjust their biological hormones.

If you still can’t accept that, maybe you can marry them if you are a girl. Or you can marry your daughter to them if you are a man. Or your sister if you have some. If you don’t think so, how do you expect other women, other people sisters and daughter will be willing to marry them?

There are also a lot of fucked up guys that can’t live well in the society. They can’t make enough money for themselves (how can they get a wife?) They might even be the potential crime for many big things like robbing the bank. Raping will be definitely one if they can’t find a better source to adjust their hormones.

———

Now, even for the prostitute herself, there are lots of benefits.

1. Making money, the most important benefit and most important reason why they are doing it. Although they didn’t pay tax, they do contribute to the economy by making and spending money. (She takes her money to buy iPod and the guy who sold her make money, the supplier make money, Steve Jobs make money… chain effect)

2. Helping someone in need! If she is willing to fuck with a man with elephant nose, giraffe neck, horse face and rabbit ear, do you think how thankful this man will be to her? (Ask you girlfriend if she will sleep with you if you look like him.)

Again, they might not be as lucky as you, your parents are not their parents, your schools are not their schools, your husband is not their husband, your work is not their work, and your money is not their money! There are always someone who have no choice and get no help. What if an Indonesian woman who have a child to feed and her boyfriend dumped her? If she told people about that she will be escorted back to Indonesia which is harder to make money and feed the child! She will also be criticized by anyone who know she has a anak haram (illegal child). Some insane people are waiting to stone her to death.

“She shouldn’t have fuck with the Indon guy the first place!” #$%^$%$%^$, I talked so many paragraphs already and you stubborn ass hole still don’t get the point that not everyone is created like you! Go knock at the wall 3 times now before you read on.

Do you know some countries like Singapore have actually legalized prostitution? Yes! If you are a prostitute and when you fill up a form, you can write ‘Prostitute’ or ‘Chicken’ in the occupation field! Cool right? And of course, the bad thing is you got to pay tax and EPF! You also got to make sure you are clean because every 3 months you will have to do a body check-up to make sure you aren’t carrying any STD (Sex Transmitted Disease).

What is good about legalizing prostitution?

- Government have control. They have the statistics and most important, they can get the Tax ($$$).

- Customer feel more safe since a prostitute can show him her recent body check-up record. :)

- The sex demand always get balanced up by the supply and reduced woman being raped! (Or guys being raped if the rapist watched Brokeback Mountain)

People always do things without really thinking the reason behind it. Why people want to stop prostitution? Because they say it is bad? But how?

Now let me tweak the question to help your stone age brain. You have already read my blog post, now try to figure out what can get VERY WRONG if there are no prostitute in the world?! Not even 1 and not even if you have 1 million dollar! It will be worst than a nuclear war! Guys also need to be careful of their ass hole. Better wear more underwear.

———

Fight Against Drugs! Fight Against War! Fight Against HIV, Poverty and Snatch Thief. Fight Against Blood Diamond! (Guys no need to buy diamond for your woman! My girlfriend will definitely kill me if she read this, shit!)

Just Ignore Prostitution! You don’t need to support nor you need to fight against it, just ignore it unless you don’t know how to spend your RM30. Wahahaha.

A picture worth a thousand words. I have 6 x 2 for you today. Please leave a comment below (everyone please). Would like to know how you feel and what you think. Thanks.

Does your brain works fast enough to know what the heck are

ASDF, ASDFG, QWER, QWERT, ZXCV, ZXCVB…

If you can’t, just focus on

ASDF, ASDF, ASDF and ASDF.

or

QWER, QWER, QWER and QWER.

No, these are not alien language. You encounter them almost EVERYDAY. And when you are reading this post, they are right at your fingertips.

Get it?

It’s the characters arrangement on your keyboard! :D

spiderman-superman.jpgHave you ever wonder why characters on the keyboard are so screwed up? I have been playing computers for more than 10 years. I have also played with my mum’s stone-aged typewriter. I asked my mum that time, she had no idea. I think my mum is bored on his son who like to ask questions like “Is Superman more geng-chow (kuat! powerful!) or Spiderman is more geng-chow?”, “Is crocodile more geng-chow or shark more geng-chow?” (After watching Steven Spielberg’s robot shark in “Jaws”)

jaws.jpgI asked a lot of people why the keys on my keyboard are so screwed up, no one have a clue (maybe people I meet are idiots, as idiots always stick with idiots). Wahahaha.

People don’t care much about this, just like people don’t wonder why when we talk with our mobile phone our voice can fly from Ipoh to KL. We don’t care because if we need to know how everything works before we can use it, we can’t do a lot of things. We can’t drive a car (Quiz: your car got how many cylinders?), we can’t switch on the light (Quiz: How many electrons are required to emit 42.5Watt of Fotons to light up your room? Answer: around 5,451,265,895,154,156,582). So, like other people, I keep on using the keyboard without knowing why the B is not next to the A!

Today, I am so happy to find out who screw up our keyboard! The story go like this…

In 1873, they invented the typewriter (1873 – I’m not born yet, my mum not born yet, my grandpa not born yet, and sorry I don’t know who is my grand-grand-pa). The problem with the typewriter was if you typed too fast, the keys stuck! So the boss said, “No one will buy the typewrite if the keys stick!” So he asked his R&D team to solve the problem.

[I hope you are old enough to touch a typewriter. The typewriter can only accept 1 key at a time, if you hit 2 keys together or type too fast, the mechanic parts of the 2 keys will stick/jam and you can't type anymore until you un-stick the keys manually]

A brilliant R&D member (as brilliant as AhYap) came up with a brilliant idea.

“Boss, We got it solved!”

“Our typewrite can type faster now?”

“No, it’s still the same. But we can keep the keys from sticking by forcing people to type slower!

Apa Lanjiao You Cakap?” (What do you mean?)

“All we have to do is hide the letters on the keypad. We’ll put A up here, B down there, we’ll stick C up here, we’ll put Q there… like that, no body can type fast! Because they will need to hunt for the letters before they can type!”

“Wahahahaha! Let’s do it. Let’s screw up our customers and have fun!”

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