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Archive for March, 2007

If this blog post doesn’t help you grow smarter, I will cut off my dick and never blog again.

Disclaimer: My dick might be too small to be found. :)

Story begins…

The phone in my room ring many times in the evening (I sleep in Day Time). There are only 2 persons who know my house phone number, my girlfriend and banks. Usually I will pick up because it seldom ring.

But today, I am a total PIG (ARRRR!), I ignore the phone. At one time I pick it up and it happens to be the Telekom robot calling me telling me I have a voice message. I need to call some 1300 number to listen to the message. Ceeaaah! So, I hang up and continue to be a PIG, it rings again and I ignore them because I thought it was the Telekom robot disturbing me again. Finally I pick it up when I am not so PIG. My girlfriend called and she said she want to install mobilizer to her car.

My brain flashed ‘BIG WOK PROBLEM!’ (大锅!)

Now before I can make sure you read everything, I got to ‘brag’ about myself a bit. (Forgive me, I just want to make sure you read on. If I don’t, what I say won’t have power. It is like why someone need to put a PHD and all sort of qualification shortforms that you can’t understand (PoP, PMM, kld, Cpat…) in their name card so that what he said will has more power and authority than a barber or a pimp.)

I have read over 100 books in the last 4 years. I have read a lot of books on human psychology, sales and marketing. And I have read 5 books on the topic about conman alone (how people cheat and why people get cheated).

Now why it is BIG WOK without asking further?

1. She has been calling so many times, things might have get worst. (洗湿个头了-Hair get wet already)

2. She suddenly want to install something so irrelevant (girls want to buy shoes and dresses or bags but definitely not a car immobilizer!)

3. The car already have an immobilizer!

My guess, someone has approach her and use psychology and sales tricks to influence her. So I ask if a salesman has come to her house. She said yes. Exact guess – 全中.

[If you think I am a genius in order to guess that, you are wrong! Selling car lock, alarm and immobilizer is a con work that is as popular as the lottery con that I write about last time. And these people always aim for students around the campus area. My ex-housemate was a victim when I was studying in Johor.]

Why they are conman?

- Do you need another immobilizer if you already have one? (Do you need another door or engine or wind screen if you already have one?)

- Things that they sell are OVERPRICED! It is like selling you a RM30 Digi prepaid card for RM100. It is like selling you an apple for RM19.90. (It’s exactly what the scratch-lottery 刮刮乐con do, selling you a RM199 foot massager for RM888. Selling you a RM100 water-filter system for RM500. That is water-fish system, not water-filter system.)

— —

I ask her to chase him away immediately but she said he has already ‘install’ something. (If I am not a PIG, this won’t happen. Arggghhh!). So she already get her hair wet. Problem! Problem! Problem! So I asked to talk to the salesman.

We talked and negotiated for more than half an hour! What I want is simple, I want him to remove the things and go away. I never even ask about the price. He go around talking this that, his office is reputable, who who has install this, why the current immobilizer is different than his … And he keep on using his first trick

“You don’t need to pay anything now! I install it first and you can pay later.”

- This is a fucking good trick because you can’t say you don’t have money anymore because you can even pay by installments!

- Human has a psychology call “the reciprocal rule” (reciprocal means something like in mutual, in exchange, both party, 互相). If someone give something to us (even something we don’t want), our brain will want us to return a favour (even if we are very unwilling to do so). This is a good psychology most of the time – I help you, you help me. But it can also be used as nasty tricks in sales and marketing.

Example:

There is a religion that is very good in collecting donation. The psychologist try to figure out why they are so good. This is what they do. They will stand in the airport door and wait for people to come out. Once you step outside the gate, they will stuck a rose to your hand telling you it is a gift from their church. Because this is so sudden, you have no choice but to accept it. If you are normal, you will return a smile (you reciprocate with a smile). But that is not enough because he will ask you to donate money to his church (they want you to reciprocate with money). Because you have accepted a gift at first (although you didn’t ask for it), most people will have to make the donation, either willingly or unwillingly. Some people will try to give back the flower but of course they can’t because the church member will insist “No! No! That’s a gift for you.” And what is more interesting, while some church members are in charge of giving away flowers and collecting donations, some others are in charge of collecting the flowers back from nearby rubbish bin! Most of them throw away the flowers 1 minute after making the donation.

So now, if he has install something to you car, can you say you don’t want to pay? (pay later still means need to pay)

And listen carefully again, what he said is -

“You don’t need to pay anything now! I install it first and you can pay later.”

but not

“You don’t need to pay anything now! I install it first and you can pay later. If after you try it and you don’t want it, I will remove it for you and you don’t need to pay a single cent.”

Now that’s make a big differences. The first sentence is a con case and trick case, the second is a more genuine offer with no obligation [tangungjawab, 责任]. Although the second one can create other problems, at least it is better. Malaysia is not like America or Europe where everything is assumed to have minimum 30 days money back guarantee! In Malaysia, all our bills and receipts state “Goods sold are not refundable!” which means “If I caught you as a Waterfish, you got to be a Waterfish forever”.

- The other important psychology is “commitment and consistency”. Commitment and consistently (or congruent) means if you make a promise, you got to keep it. Letting him install the things means you promise to pay. In daily life, having commitment and consistency is very important in dealing with other people.

Examples:

If your father promise to pick you up at the bus stop, usually he will unless there is something catch up. But he will let you know so you can make another plan. He won’t fong-fei-kei (didn’t show up) but watch TV at home while remembering he need to fetch you. And when you come home mad at him, he say ‘I change my mind and I am lazy to inform you’.

If you promised to buy a toy for your son in Christmas, you will buy it (even you regret you make the promise) because you need to be consistent with yourself and show your children your commitment.

— —

Things got very nasty because he don’t want to go away and I don’t want to pay anything. The conversation go very bad (all the mahjong players downstairs of my house can heard me talking so loud upstairs) So he use the second trick. He TURN the table, make me become the BAD GUY and he become the VICTIM.

“Do you think this is fair to me? I have install half and you ask me to remove it. And you have promised to buy before I install it”.

Hu-wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Many people, will get trapped on this one. Remember the ‘reciprocal rule’? I have do something for you (setup half of the thing), and I can’t do it for nothing. You got to give me something back. And remember ‘commitment and consistency’? You have make a promise and you can’t just abandon it. Hit to the death-spot (死穴)of many people like watching Chinese kung-fu film. Jackie Chan 2 fingers hit on the neck, DIE.

Before that, he is the bad guy and we are the victim, we are being lure into buy something overpriced that we don’t need. Now, he turn the table and make you the BAD GUY and he is the VICTIM! How brilliant is that (高招). Now you start to feel guilty. Thought that it was your mistake. And now you have no choice but to comply with him and let him ‘rape’ you.

Our brain is playing with us (the reciprocal rule and the commitment and consistency).

A senior came by to ‘help’ and he fall trap as well, because his first question to my girlfriend was, “Did you promise him to install that thing?”. His brain is blinded by the ‘Commitment’. Luckily the senior leave for class very soon instead of convincing my girlfriend that the salesman is the VICTIM and she is the BAD GUY!!! Usually people that we think are smarter than us (like our seniors, our parents, old people, professionals and even policeman and politicians) are not!

**Not all commitments and promises are EQUAL. It is based on the Situation. **

If you are a girl. Some bad guy come into your house, caught you and want to rape you by saying “If you try to shout or fight back, I will kill your parents!” (or cut your face, or whatever treats that scare you enough to comply). So you ‘promise’ to be diam-diam [silent] and let him do the thing. IF, at any chance, you are able to get away from the rapist and you can make sure you parents won’t get killed and your face won’t get cut. Will you choose to escape or will you stick with the stupid commitment and promise?

“Yeah, I have promised him to let him fuck so even I can run away, I still need to let him fuck”. BULLSHIT.

Have you ever watch a police vs bad guy film where the robber negotiate something with the police, the police comply (e.g. ransom for hostage). Then both party shake hand and thanks each other for keeping their promises?

George W Bush, “Here is the $1 million dollar you asked as promised.”

Osama Bin Laden, “Thanks! Here is the hostage back to you as promised.”

Mr Bush and Osama shake hand. “Thanks for the cooperation and lets work again together in the future.”

BULLSHIT.

Police won’t keep any promise to robber or terrorist. Their ultimate objective is to make sure the hostage is safe and anything else if part of the skills and tricks. They will shoot and kill the BAD GUY on any chances they have and not focusing on keeping the stupid promises.

The immobilizer ass hole (and other conman and ass holes) is no different than the rapists and robbers. We don’t keep promises with BAD GUY which has begun everything with dirty tricks, lies, sin, dishonest, immoral and illegal acts. Once we know the ass hole is dishonest, every promise is automatically voided. If you promise to let your neighbor drive your car and later find out that he doesn’t have a driving license, can you break back your promise? If you promise a ‘friend’ to carry goods through the airport custom and later noticed that it might be drugs, do you still want to keep your promise?

Lets look at how many dirty tricks, lies, sin, dishonest, immoral and illegal acts that has been done by the immobilizer-ass-hole-with-metal-ass.

- He want to sell us a few metal plates that block the doors from thief for RM488. Negotiated down to RM388 and later RM250. I call my friend that own a car accessories shop. He said this plate cost RM110-RM120 and I can install it in his shop anytime I want. RM488 – RM110 = RM378!!! The last offer price ‘looks cheap’ because you don’t know the market price, your brain compare the price to RM488. If a few metals cost RM488, then Malaysia drunks that steal metals on the street will be millionaire. And how honest can a person be if he can initial sell you something at RM488 and the final price can end at RM250? And you find out the market price is RM110?

- He want to sell an immobilizer that we already have for RM688. If something selling for RM488 is worth RM110 in the market. What will the immobilizer worth? Before that, does 1 car need 2 immobilizer?

- He wear uniform and pretended to be from Perodua. He said he need to check on the Myvi. Because it happens that my girlfriend just serviced the car at a Perodua center last week, she thought it might be a follow up or something. The ass hole ‘check’ on the car and then start talking about the security thing. He then started selling his immobilizer and metals. (While writing this, something spark my brain, it is possible that the Perodua service center ‘sold’ car owners information to people like this!)

- He refuse to let us know his name, his handphone number, his office name, address and phone number.

(to be continued…)

p/s Should pay RM250 to install the metal plates to his ass hole!

I wrote a very long post (actually longest in my blog) few weeks ago called Why Smart People Don’t Fight Against Prostitution. I also believe it is my greatest post. But I make a silly mistake as a blogger. It was too long. So people just skip it through, but if you do, you miss plenty of jokes. Wahahaha.

April wrote in the comment, “Cool. I like this post very much. Interesting and very true. What about pimps?

Yeah, the first answer I need to find out is not What about pimps, but What is the meaning of the word ‘pimps’?! Answers.com gives the definition as”One who finds customers for a prostitute”, so that means Bapa Ayam.

Bapa Ayam play a very important role in the Chicken Industry.

1. They protect their girls from abusive customers, especially physical abuse. Some customers think that their RM30 is very big, want to play 6 hours, want to play SM and expect the girl to supply the candles. Some expect to get free gifts like cigarettes and mineral water.

2. They are more aggressive sales man then Citibank Credit Card and Digi! They don’t need a degree in Business and Marketing but they are still able to get customers for you. Depending on the chicken standard, some Bapa Ayam get customers directly from the street (guys that walk in Jalan Bukit Bintang before know what I mean), some uses the newspaper and yellow pages to advertise their massage girls or tour guide, some even got website ahchicken.com.

3. They charge only by commission. So if they can’t get customer for you, you don’t need to pay.

I suggest all credit card salesman and mobile line salesman to consider switching their job to Bapa Ayam since they do almost the same thing. You can get free service some more. Stop asking me what credit card or phone line I used when I go to Jaya Jusco and when I pump petrol! I don’t need another credit card or phone line!

I like to brag the fact that I got 4 of my wisdom teeth when I am 17. So that explain why AhYap is so smart! (cough*cough*)

But finally I realized got wisdom teeth early doesn’t mean you are having wisdom earlier, it only means you can have holes in your wisdom teeth earlier!

Fixed 2 holes in my upper 2 wisdom teeth few days ago. If wisdom teeth really means wisdom, then I really I hope I don’t have any wisdom. Celaka punya wisdom teeth.

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