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Archive for August, 2007

Cerita ini direka semata-mata untuk tujuan pendidikan.

Ong Ka Ting sedang berada di dalam rancangan “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” siaran NTV7. Keadaan sangat genting kerana dia telah menjawab soalan 500 ribu Ringgit dan sedang menunggu sama ada jawapannya betul!

Jalalludin Hassan, “Jawapan anda … … … … … SELEPAS INI!

AhYap di depan TV, “Diu!

(selepas iklan dan banyak lagi air liur dari Jalalludin Hassan)

Jalalludin Hassan, “… Jawapan anda … … … … … BETUL! Syabas dan anda sekarang mendapati 500,000 ringgit!”

(tepukan penonton)

Jalalludin, “Sekarang ke soalan 1 juta! Adakah anda dapat membawa balik 1 juta hari ini? … (air liur lagi) .. Adakah anda sudah bersiap sedia?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Ya, sila teruskan.”

Jalalludin, “Oh, soalan ini memang senang. Ini soalan politik! Tentu YB dapat menjawabnya dengan cepat!”

Ong Ka Ting pun shock sendiri apabila dia terdengar soalan itu soalan politik! Politik adalah mangkuk nasi beliau. Hadiah 1 juta sudah dekat di tangannya.

Jalalludin, “Di antara berikut, yang manakah ejaan betul bagi Menteri Pendidikan Malaysia?

A. H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-i-n,

B. H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-d-i-n,

C. H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n,

D. H-i-s-h-a-r-m-u-d-d-i-n”

Ong Ka Ting, “Oh! Diu Lor!”

Jalalludin, “Apa tu? D?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Oh bukan, saya ingin mengunakan life line saya yang terakhir – Call-a-Friend.”

Jalalludin, “Siapa YB nak call?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi.”

NTV7 cuba menghubungi Perdana Menteri…

Jalalludin, “Hello, Perdana Menteri? Saya Jalludin Hassan dalam rancangan ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire’ dan di sini adalah Datuk Seri Ong Ka Ting. Dia perlukan bantuan anda untuk menjawap soalan 1 juta! Anda ada 30 saat. Mulai sekarang.”

(30, 29, 28 …)

Ong Ka Ting, “Pak Lah! Bagaimana mengeja Hishamuddin?! H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-r-m-u-d-d-i-n”

Abdullah, “Huh? Apa lu cakap, boleh perlahan sikit?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Lu eja terus bagi saya lah”.

Abdullah, “Ok, aku cuba, H-I-S-H-A … eh ada R tak? H-I-S-H-A-M … hmmm, satu M ke dua M? H-I-S-H-A-M-U-D-D … eh, satu D ke dua D?! …ehhh … ehhh … H-I-S-H-A ….”

Jalalludin, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ….”

Ong Ka Ting, “Harlooooo… harlo? Uh.”.

Jalalludin, “YB, apa jawapan yang anda ingin pilih.”

Ong Ka Ting, “Hmmm… Hmmm… Saya mau ambil 500 ribu dan balik. Tak mau teka lah! Susah sangat ni!”


Tujuan utama saya menulis cerita ini adalah untuk mengajar para pembaca ejaan yang betul bagi Menteri Pendidikan kita. Jika nama Menteri Pendidikan pun tak boleh eja, macam mana boleh kita kata Sistem Pendidikan kita baik?

Jawapan yang betul, adalah … … … … SELEPAS INI!


Jawapan yang betul mengikut wikipedia adalah C. H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n.

Tak ada ‘r’. Dua ‘m’ dan dua 2 ‘d’.

Tak payah malu jika anda eja salah sebab ada 741 laman web pun eja salah menurut Google.
Hishamuddin Hussein

Lagipun, dalam wikipedia Hishammuddin, ejaan Hishammuddin (dua ‘m’) digunakan 9 kali dan Hishamuddin (satu ‘m’) digunakan 6 kali.

Google punya spell-check pun tak tepat.

hisharmuddin hussein


Lagipun, laman web Menteri Pendidikan Malaysia pun ada guna ejaan yang salah.

Mana satu yang memang memang betul? Kita perlu check dia punya IC lor! :)
Hishammuddin Hussein Keris

Malaysian Hell (Funny Joke)

Read this good joke – Malaysian Hell.

I wrote a comment to the post, but Maria, the owner of the blog, modified my comment to -

“This post is really good! I like it very much!”

But what I originally wrote was

“This post is fucking good! I like it very much!”

Wahahaha. This teaches me a lesson not to simply fuck at others people blog.

Everyday 8.2 girls in Malaysia get raped (and that is only for reported cases). The government seldom discuss about it.

But then when Negaraku is being sang in R&B by a Malaysia student studying in Taiwan, it is discussed so many times in the parliament, and has been commented by so many ministers and government officers. Chinese papers have a few pages on it everyday.

There are people who want to revoke his citizenship. There are people who want to forfeit his passport so he can’t return home. There are people who say he must be punished although they don’t know exactly which law to use (Oh!). They say, they can definitely find one to prosecute him.

Our government had built the highest building in the world, and yet their heart is so small. They are extremely sensitive and is unable to tolerate small little things. And yet, they ignore all the big issues and pretend they don’t see it. They like to make small issues big and keep quiet about the big issues.

What is the use of celebrating our 50th year-old birthday when there are still double standard on so many things?

Why is it that someone with status apologized, thing can be settle and why a small citizen apologize, he still have to be punished?

Why the UMNO representatives who make sensitive comments LIVE on TV only get some ‘discipline action’ from the party?

Why someone who build a multi million castle without permit can settle by a few tears saying that his old house is too small for his family? He only needs to pay a small sum of fine.

Why my Primary School Sam Tet Ipoh doesn’t even have a small field and a hall for so many years? And we only have a basketball court for our assembly. While other school have big halls with air-cond and big football fields!

Why our Minister of Education, Mr H (I don’t know how to spell it so I don’t want to spell it because if I spell in wrongly, I might end up in the jail! This is Malaysia) can be a hero and make the headline of Chinese papers when he allows 2 Chinese schools in Malaysia to reallocate?

He can be a hero just by giving the ‘permission’ to relocate and not the money! And the Chinese society have to find money themselves to relocate. Poi Lam and Wan Hwa Ipoh has been trying to relocate without sufficient fund for more than 10 years.

And yesterday paper, why some schools have to pay for their own electricity and water bills while some schools can be paid by the government?

Why we need to build the highest building in the world that has never been occupied fully until today WHILE we don’t have enough seats in our local Universities?

The government want to sue YouTube because of the Negaraku video. This shows how intelligent our leaders are when it comes to understanding the internet. Youtube has hundred of thousands videos online and how they are going to monitor all of them?

Even if they monitor all of them, you really think Negaraku is so popular in the world that they know what is it? Mr Nazri, how many countries National Anthem can you sing and recognized? How do leaders like that can build a good internet infrastructure for us when their understanding on how the internet works is so little.

Some leaders (ahem, leaders) says the Government should stop sending Chinese students to study in Taiwan. Oh! Chinese students who study in Taiwan are those who can’t get into the local universities and they are actually paying for themselves! They thought that the Government is paying for them because they got so many JPA and government scholarships for themselves! They are just slapping their own face. And the lyrics of the song does talked about this and it proofs again that they didn’t listen to the song before they comment.

I am not voting on the next election. I am not celebrating our 50th birthday day. If I have to go to jail if I don’t vote, then I will go to vote. If I have to go to jail if I don’t celebrate our national day, then I will celebrate. Don’t play play! You can go to jail for a lot of reasons in Malaysia. Our government is hypersensitive on a lot of small things.

Nazri , “We cannot be like the West where you can have the underwear with the design of the Union Jack. In Britain, you can insult the Queen or the flag, I don’t care, but in this country we have laws and we cannot create a precedent where you commit an offence, apologise and get away with it.”

We have the highest building in the world but we have the smallest heart! We always criticized the value of the West and yet we are the one with the smaller heart.

The market is very hot in the pass few months. Almost all people are talking about the stock market. The newspaper even make a few headlines for the market plunge last week alone.

Most people don’t understand what is stock and what they are buying. All they know is that there is a counter NAME and then there is a PRICE. And what they need to do is to speculate the movement of price, hoping to buy low and sell high to make some money.

They can use numerous techniques and most of them rely on rumors and tips. Some that are more advanced might use charting techniques which is know as technical analysis. Tips or charts, they are the same gang. They try to speculate on the price movement to make money.

Let’s say you have RM100,000 to invest in KLSE.

You speculate all in 1 counter and your investment go up to RM110,000 in 1 month (you may have used tips or charts in making the buying decision). Speculators believe that stocks are only paper money and only cash is the real money. When they hold stock, they feel risky. They believe that their money is in ‘unsafe’ position. So in order to see the real money and to protect their profit, they need to sell the stock and get the cash. After selling, they think their profit is now ‘safe’. This is called ‘profit taking’ or ‘taking profit’.

The problem IS -

What are you going to do with your RM110,000 ‘safe’ cash now? It might be safe now, but what do you want to do with it now? You might spend a few hundred or a few thousand to celebrate, but most probably you will still end up having RM100,000+ in cash.

So probably you will have to buy another counter (using another tip or chart). And this is irony because at first, you sell a counter because you believe holding a stock is risky and you must take profit. Now after you sell one, you have to buy another one and put yourself back to the ‘risk’ of holding a stock!

Are you sure you can pick a new one that can make you money again? If you invest based on pure luck, you can still be lucky for a few times but not definitely not forever. If you have to switch from 1 counter to another every month, you have to switch 12 times a year and 120 times in 10 years! Can you have a lucky streak of 120 times based on tips and charts? And most of us have more than 10 years to live!

While you can make money in stock, you can also lose money! You can always lose $10,000 instead of making $10,000.

This is the problem with short term trading. You didn’t reduce your risk in anyway because after ‘taking profit’ you still need to buy another counter. By thinking that ‘taking profit’ make your money safe, you are just lying to yourself. Your money is never ‘safe’. You are just transferring the risk to another counter.

What do you need to do with your money after you sell is the biggest problem for a short term trader.

You need to trouble yourself in making new decisions and selections every time after you sell. And you won’t be lucky every time with your new picks. When the market is hot, you might have more luck on picking the next right counter. But in a sideway (now) or bear market, I don’t think you will have much luck speculating.

A long term value investor, on the other hand doesn’t need to do much with his investment. The market is so red on the week I went to Sipadan, and yet I can dive happily without looking at the market.

Long term value investors are buying for the long term. They don’t need to adjust their portfolio daily, weekly or monthly. And because they only buy GOOD businesses at DISCOUNT price, their risk is minimized. They don’t chase price upwards and they will even refuse to buy GOOD businesses that is not selling at DISCOUNT. They will stay away from BAD businesses that don’t have a good future. They don’t speculate on the next BIG thing, e.g. the next Microsoft.

You might argue to me that it is very hard to know the value of a stock. I FULLY agree with you because after I read 20+ books on investing, I still don’t know exactly how to evaluate a business. It does require a lot of work just to understand a business before you can put a value on it.

After reading 20+ investing books doesn’t make me a super investor that can pick and evaluate stocks. But, it let me know exactly what is the RIGHT STRATEGY for investing. It is not tips, not charts, not short term, not speculating. You also don’t need to guess who is in the next Microsoft or Bill Gates. That strategy is called ‘Value Investing’. It can be explained in 1 short sentence -

“Buy wonderful businesses at discounted price.”

People like you and me don’t have much time in evaluating businesses and calculating their value. If we believe in Value Investing, then all we need to do is to find a fund manager who practice value investing, who has a good track record for the pass few years (the longer the better) and have him invest the money for us! They are professionals, they spend all their time on evaluating businesses. Let outsource the job to them and have them work for us!

That explain why most of my money is in ICAP and why I can still dive happily in Sipadan when the KLSE dive 100+ points to below 1,300 last week. It only screws short term traders and speculators, it doesn’t screw value investor. Irony, value investor are more happy when the stock market dive because that’s the time when lots of wonderful businesses are sold at discounted price!

It takes me 4 years to fully adapt to value investing. I have been a short term trader and speculator. I have used tips and charts. I have been an active options trader for 2 years (buy and sell for over 1,000 times). I have attended several seminars and read a few books on trading, options and technical analysis. I have gone thorough a lot before I come to this understanding. For most of you, I don’t think you can understand the power of value investing from this post alone. Most people have to go through things themselves before they can understand. And unfortunately, most will never understand.

Good luck with your money!

Related Post:
Value investing has a lot to do with Price and Earning. Earning let you know the value of a business while the price let you know if it is selling at a discount.

Sojai is different than Sohai. Sohai are normal people with normal brain but do stupid stuff. Sojai do weird stuff because their brain already got some wiring problem. So here means ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ and jai means ‘kid’. Sojai that are serious will be locked up in Hospital Tanjung Rambutan or Hospital Tampoi.

This series is not to look down on them but is for laugh only because I can’t understand why there are so many sojai near my house! You will be amazed.

Sojai #1 is a happy sojai. He calls every man God-Father (义父) and every woman God-Mother (义母). If he sees you he will come to you and says, “God Father, give me 1 ringgit.” (义父,俾一文我). Then after he get his 1 ringgit, he will run to a nearby grocery store to buy 2 cigarettes. He will immediately start smoking one and stuck the other one to his ear. He will then walk like the king on the street enjoying every buff.

He will shit anywhere when he wants to shit. He will just pull down his pants and shit. There is a kind of firecracker that look like a match. You scratch it and throw it away and it will explode in a few seconds, something like a grenade. And one time when this sojai is shitting happily, some naughty kid lighted up the firecracker and threw it under his ass. The firecracker exploded and he jumped up like a rocket!

My father never gives him money because if you give him once, he will come to you everyday. But even if you don’t give him money, he will still come to you occasionally. And what surprise us is last week, when he come to my dad again, he didn’t say,”God father, give me 1 Ringgit.”

Instead, he said, “God father, give me 50 cents.” Wow! After so many years, he finally realized my father will not give him 1 ringgit and he is now offering my father 50% discount to hope that my father will change his mind. He is getting smarter and using psychology on us!

There are more sojai stories that I will be writing, such as the ‘fuck you sojai’, the ‘I am useless sojai’, the ‘lottery sojai’ and a lot more. And they all stay near and wander near my house.

I live in a kampung called Ipoh where we only have 200,00 people. In KL, there are 4.2 million people! That’s 21 times more than Ipoh. In recent years, I have been traveling to KL quite often and I find that I really have to pay my honor to KL people. A lot of things that seems unbearable to me are acceptable to KL people.

1. Respect for KL Drivers in Traffic Jam.

KL people can spend a few hours in the traffic everyday. Usually they will have to drive 1 hour+ to work and 1 hour+ back to work. At least 2 hours a day is wasted in the car. This number is scary if you multiplied that with the number of people driving everyday.

2. Respect for KL People Carrying Laptop while Shopping and Dining.

KL is popular of laptop thieves. Leaving your laptop in the car is unsafe and thus you can see a lot of KL people carrying their laptop while walking in KLCC and dining in SS2. Those who go clubbing after work also need to carry their laptop along.

3. Repect for KL People Paying for Parking Fee

Parking everywhere cost money. Parking at KLCC can cost more than RM10! Parking outdoor at Bukit Bintang area is RM5 on weekdays and RM7 on weekends. Parking fee at Mid Valley is now per hour basis instead of per entry. And more scary, parking at night at some places that should be free are now required to pay as well because the heavily-tattooed guard will tell you, “We take care of your car and make sure no one will scratch your car”.

4. Respect for KL People Paying for lots of Toll.

Thanks to our Minister of Toll, Sammy Vellu on this. If I drive home to Bangi using Jalan Cheras I have to pay 3 tolls.

5. Repect for KL People Queuing for Cinema Tickets

KL has the biggest cinemas and yet people have to queue so long for the tickets. The KLCC queuing line is especially shocking to me where the cinema waiting area can be full of queued up people waiting to buy their tickets.

6. Repect for the KTM Komuter that always break down

Ride it 3 times and it broke down twice. In one occasion it broke down over 1 hour without air conditioning. Baby is crying non-stop and everyone is sweating like shit. Rude words can be listen all the time. I am OK because I am staring at a pretty girl for that 1 hour. Wahahaha. Later they need to send another komuter to pull our broken komuter back to the station and we have to ride another komuter.

7. Respect for the non-standard price Taxi Drivers charge

Taxi drivers in KL are very interesting. They can charge multiple ways, such as pre-negotiated rate, meter rate or mouth rate. Mouth rate means he don’t use the meter nor the pre-negotiated rate but after you reach, he open his mouth and tell you how much he wants. Short distance in KL can cost RM10! Passengers always feel like they are overpaying while drivers always feel like they are undercharging.

8. Respect for KL People Sense of Direction

Ok, this is a real respect. With so many roads and so many places in KL. I do really respect KL people who can navigate everywhere in KL and didn’t get lost.

9. Respect for KL People who Live So Near to Highway (and Electric Cable)

This is suggested by Ernest in his comment and I totally agree with it! Especially the highway near Sri Petaling. Some also live very near to Electric cable tower where they can hang their cloths there free of charge.

Here is why I love Ipoh. Sometimes there will be traffic jam but it is bearable. You will wish to have our type of traffic jam. Not much high-tech people here so not much people carrying notebook around. Parking is easy and cheap everywhere. Parking at Ipoh Parade is RM1 per entry and parking at other shopping complexes are free including Jaya Jusco, Tesco, Giant, etc. There is no toll in Ipoh. And you don’t need to queue 100 meters for your movie tickets. :)

Need a taxi? Call the taxi call center 2534188 and all prices are fixed. And the town is so small that there is no need for LRT or KTM komuter. Although a little sense of direction is required, you won’t get that lost in Ipoh. The last time I wanted to go to KLCC, the two jagung were very big and near to me. I made a bad turning and I lost until the jagung were missing from my eyesight. That’s KL.

But don’t feel disappointed if you are a KL people, because Streamyx in Ipoh is as fucked up as yours.

AhYap is online now at LCCT with the free Airport Wimax. He should now be on the flight but why the heck he is still blogging in the airport?

Because the dai sohai miss his flight!

tawau flight departed

AK5154 Tawau 15:25 Berlepas! (Berlepas = Departed! = Fly already!)

This is really joke of the day. I am already at the airport at 2 something, how can I miss the flight? I also don’t know, I just remember the last thing I do before trying to board is pee. I reach the boarding gate at 15:13 according to my watch, they say their watch is 15:20. They see I must board 10 minutes before the flight.

Ok, well, hmmm….

I think the reason for the flight delay is to give me some free time to blog using LCCT free WiMax so you guys can laugh at this dai sohai.

I am now waiting for the next flight at 17:50 which ticket I just bought at RM372 (1 journey 2 tickets). Please pray for me that I won’t miss this flight again.

Oh! Boarding now at 17:24! So early! Bye bye, I have to be kia su this time to queue up early!

The purpose of newspaper writing news on rape cases and crimes is to let the reader increase their awareness and be more careful in the society. That’s to make the reader smarter.

However, newspaper sometime can be very busybody and disclose information that I think SHOULD NEVER be published on newspaper.

An Ipoh girl was raped and killed in Sg Long, Kajang.

Why the newspaper need to publish the exact road and house number of the crime scene? Because it is Visit Malaysia Year 2007 so everyone nearby (my KL house is near) can drive there and pay a visit?

And why the newspaper need to publish the victim’s parents restaurant name and location? So that the whole town can pay a visit and eat there? My girl friend stay in walking distance to the restaurant. Thanks to the newspaper, now the whole township knows exactly whose daughter get raped and killed and know exactly where they work. This has become the hot topic of the town. Every time they drive pass the shop, they can say, “This is the shop that the daughter get raped and killed”.
Newspaper, give them a life!

They don’t deserve all this troubles. They already have enough pain. They don’t need a few thousands people reminding them the death of their girl for the rest of their life. Even for people who are not busybody, it is quite hard to ‘talk’ normally to them again when they know about what happen to their daugher. Their business will also be affected.

There are also people who will go to them or call to send their condolence. This is also a BAD thing that actually gives more burden. Every call will remind them of the pain. While you might have a sincere heart to call to ‘care’, for them it is just another burden. You are doing nothing good to them.

If one of your family members die today, and one thousand people with a sincere heart come and say to you, “Don’t feel too upset ….”. Do you really think it will make you better?

Yucks, newspaper. Busybody. Give you my middle finger.

Preparing to Die

Don’t worry, I am not going to kill myself. This is just a post about my weird behaviour. Hopefully it is not that boring.

I am a guy who like to eliminate things. I don’t keep a lot of things. 

I used to be like my mum, who will hold on to everything. For example, I used to keep all my primary scholl textbooks, PMR and SPM reference books many many years. I used to keep all of my old cloths, all my exam papers, all exercise books, etc. I refused to thow any away or give to anyone. I felt like ‘They are mine’. I always thought that ‘Someday’ I will need them.

My mum even better. She keeps lots of old shoes and cloths that she no longer wear. She doesn’t allow me to throw away my faulty 14″ CRT monitor that I used with my 486. She keeps a lot of new bowls, forks and kitchenware in the cupboard for years and only use the 2nd grade one because she wants to keep the ‘new’ one for use later. The later is always become never.  And the new always become old.

My grandmother (my mother’s mother) even better, she keeps chicken cages until today although she has not been raring chickens for decades. My mother is definitely her daughter.

I once want to throw away a table that I have disembled long time ago but lost all the screws. So it cannot be assembled back. She, on her own, carried all the table boards from upstairs to her car when I was not at home and fetched all of them to my grandmother house. She did that again with my old 486 computer table.

My behaviour, used to be exactly like my mother and my grandmother. I even used to keep a lot of my childhood toys!

Last few years, I begin to change. Instead of hanging to things, I have learned to let go. I feel guilty that I have not given my PMR and SPM books to someone because I never touched them at all after all these years. I were hanging on these books because I feel like they are my properties. I thought that ‘one day’ I might need to read them again. But when I realized I no longer need them anymore, it was too late as the books were obsolete and the only meaningful thing to do is to sell them to old newspaper collector.

I bought a lot of original books in Universities because I realize if I have a new book that smell good, I am more willing to study it then a photocopied 2-page-shink-to-1-page book. I donated all of them to my library 1 year after I left my University.

Realizing that I had a lot of old cloths that were in mint condition but I never wore anymore, I packed and donated all of them in the last 2 years. I also had a lot of shoes and in the recent Chinese New Year, I donated 8 pairs of shoes that I were keeping for years but never wore! One pair of the shoes is a RM200+ Dr. Cardin. It is the most expensive shoes that I ever bought when I were Form 5. I am guilty that I only wore it a few times. I bought it because I used to have the mindset, “I need to follow others people style and fashion”. I got a pair of jeans that I have donated as well because again, I bought it because someone say it is the fashion but I didn’t like it at all. I just wore it a few times.

Now, I only have 3 pairs of shoes and 2 pairs of Jeans.

I have given my favorite remote control car to my newphew after keeping it untouched for more than 10 years!

I also have the tendency to keep things very neatly. My room doesn’t look ‘pretty’ but it is extremely neat. If you rate a guy’s room, mine will be in top 1% in terms of tidyness. I can always find something easily because I simply don’t keep a lot of things.

All my important documents are kept nicely in a few files.

All my books are keep nicely in a few book shelves.

All my cloths are keep semi-nicely in my cupboard. (I don’t have much cloths)

Even my computer! I have all my filed arranged very nicely and I will delete everything that is not important. I delete emails after I read them too. My important data, is less than 2GB and I can migrate them back and forth from my laptop in 2 minutes.

Why suddenly I like to elimate things and keep things nicely?

The reason, is weird.

If I die tomorrow, my parents don’t need to be bothered with all my stuffs. I don’t want to leave a mess after I die. I want to give them the minimum troubles. Almost all my stuffs are in my room. I have

1. A few shelves of books
2. Cloths in the cupboard
3. My computer
4. Files that contain important documents arranged nicely (my will, insurance policy, financial info, etc).

So, if I die tomorrow, they can just donate my books and cloths. Keep my computer for their own use, and open my files to get all my important documents. They don’t need to waste a lot of time looking for things, figuring where I put my stuffs, and going through a lorry of stuffs and documents one by one just to know what they are.

At 27, AhYap has prepared to die.

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