This post was written a few months ago when I saw a clip from Namewee (Huang Ming Zhi). I decided not to post it because I was concerned with too many ‘fuck’ and ‘diu’ I used in this article. But something new just happened and it is now a good time to publish it.
Namewee wrote a new song “fuck racist”. I am not judging him but just feeling a pity to him. Long long time ago, I already know he will have a hard road ahead due to his ‘strong’ character. He will sure to have more troubles ahead after this song. You will be able to follow the news yourself as the newspaper will magnify it 1,000 times. I am not linking the video here and I wish it will be removed (and will not be uploaded again by others) and hope that the news will cool down.
I hope you can really learn something helpful today. Back to the original post…
It would be better if the article title is “to diu or not to diu”, inspired after listening to NameWee new song, “DIU”! Diu is the Cantonese for fuck while diao is Mandarin.
[For non Chinese reader, the song is a revenge from NameWee to MyFM because they refused to broadcast his ads due to his ‘incorrect’ Chinese slang. He also condemned local Chinese who don’t protect their own local slang but instead pursue China and Taiwan slang]
Listening to the lyrics, this raise a question/dilemma/conflict that almost the 6 billion people on earth have encountered – to diu or not to diu?
Ok, it has nothing related to sex.
It is about making the “right” choices when we need to decide whether to DEFEND or to COMPLY.
Defend what? Comply what? ANYTHING! From cultures, to values, to slang, to personal taste, to watch Ip Man or Iron Man, Chinese girl friend or Thailand girl friend…
Because when we deal with people, we will have different opinions. Should we defend our stand or should we comply with them? i.e. to diu (defend) or not to diu (comply)? You wan to watch Ip Man but your kids want to watch Iron Man, so which Man to watch?
In this post I am not talking about the big things that we need to defend, such as if your uncle want to borrow money from you to bet legally on world cup, you better not comply. [If I borrow from you, you should comply] Or a stranger ask you for your car key so he can drive it away, you better run away. And if an muscular man want to rape your ass, run!!!
I want to talk about simple things, like “should you follow someone slang?”. If you speak to an Australian angmo, should you use their slang or your Malaysia slang, or should you insist them to use our Malaysia slang? If you speak with an Indian, should you use Indian enge-lish sla-an-gg? If you are in China, should you speak Beijing Mandarin? Or they should speak Malaysian Mandarin?
And when you shake hands with others, should you make a strong grip or a soft grip? Do you feel offended when someone offer you a soft grip and you thought the other guy doesn’t give you a shit? This is very common, I have always heard people telling me that who and who is very lansi simply because that guy/girl (especially girls!) doesn’t shake his hand the way “he” wants it. [lansi = sombong = proud]
Or have you talk to somebody that will never look at you? [I’m one of them] Will you get pissed off.
These problems arise because almost everyone are conditioned to activate the DEFEND MODE without making a conscious choice. Their past conditioning of life taught them that the “right way” for other people to behave is to be the same like us.
When you talk to someone and you like to look into their eyes, because you believe by doing that you are showing respect to him, then if that guy doesn’t look back to you, you will feel like he doesn’t respect you. Because other people must behave the same as me to be called “right”.
Everyone told us that when we shake hands, we must grip hard hard to show our sincerity. But if some one just touches your hand without gripping you, you felt disrespected! Unconsciously, you always want other people to be the same like you, to act the same way you do. You get pissed when they don’t do want you want.
Huang Ming Zhi get pissed when other people are not happy with his slang, when the local are not defending their slang.
We will have a lot of conflicts when both parties activates the DEFEND mode. Ming Zhi insisted on his slang with MyFM while MyFM insisted that his slang is “wrong”, so this song came out as a counter attack.
When they choose “to diu” instead of “not to diu”, the consequence is always, “bei yan diu” again [fucked back]. They will just “diu lei diu hui” [you fuck me I fuck you].
We doesn’t know that there is another mode we can operate in – the “not to diu” mode, the COMPLY MODE.
COMPLY doesn’t mean you are surrendering! COMPLY doesn’t mean you are the loser. Actually if you can see the whole picture after this post, you will know the party who COMPLY is the winner which have the ability to control the final outcome! By complying, you get the most for yourself!
Why is that possible?
The NLP gurus realized that “people like other people who are like themselves”. Which is the problem mentioned earlier, which irony is also the solution.
We get pissed off by small thing like SLANGGGGGG or a handshake because we like other people to be like ourselves. Which means, we dislike other people who are not like ourselves.
If he doesn’t shake hands my way, I dislike him.
If he doesn’t look into my eyes when talking to me, I dislike him.
If he doesn’t speak my slang, I dislike him.
If I smile to her and she doesn’t smile back, I dislike her.
If he swings his leg non stop creating an OSIM chair effect for me while I sit beside him, I dislike him [because I think swinging legs = no manners].
If someone talk very loud to me, I dislike him [because loud = disrespect].
But these are all mind made stories that we are conditioned to believe ever since we grow up, by our parents, by our teachers, by friends and even strangers. We carry them unconsciously. If our brain is like a computer, we have this software/virus installed in it without knowing about it.
When you realized you have this software installed in you and everyone else around you, you have an edge. A super edge that make you a winner.
[The name of the software is called “People like other people who are like themselves. People dislike other people who are not like themselves”. It is too long, so we call it PLOPWALT-PDOPWANLT. What a cool name!]
#1. When you realized you have PLOPWALT-PDOPWANLT installed on you, you now have the ability to shut it off [uninstall it].
#2. When you realized other people have PLOPWALT-PDOPWANLT installed on them, you now know how to make them happy!
I need to clarify our objective when dealing with other people before I continue elaborating the PLOP-DOP shit.
What is our objective when dealing with other people? What is the outcome we want?
We want other people to like us, to love us! People will like us when we can make them happy! If we can do something to make other people happy, we know we are doing the “right” thing! And how to make them happy by doing the “right” thing?! That’s all about PLOP-DOP! People will be happy if we are same like them!
But if you look around, you will notice that most people objective is not to make other people happy, they only want themselves to be happy. This is not wrong because everyone wants to be happy. But the problem is if you want yourself to be happy, you almost always do it by insisting that you are “right”. You will want everyone to do things your way so you can be happy. The outcome you get is always unhappiness.
Everyone wants other people to be like them and most of the time, they won’t get it, so they DEFEND, they diu back. They hope that by diuing them, they will COMPLY. But this is always not the case! The other party get pissed and DEFEND and diu back. So they keep diuing each other, making everyone unhappy.
Who is the winner? Are you the winner when you diu people? If both parties also unhappy, both parties are the losers.
If we are able to make people happy, many magical things will happen. If you like a girl and if you want her to be your girlfriend, do you think making her happy important?
If you want to do business with someone, do you think making him happy important?
The skill to make the other party happy, is to learn how to COMPLY. How to switch off the PLOP-PDOP in your head and how to “take advantage” of the PLOP-DOP virus in the other party, instead of falling into it yourself.
If you are a guy and you saw a girl that you like and when you shake her hands, BE SENSITIVE! There is no fixed answer on whether a hard grip or a soft grip is the “right” grip!!! The RIGHT grip is the grip that she gives you!!! If she hold you tight, you return a tight grip, but you will be surprised that most girls, unlike guys, give soft grip, or even just touching you by the finger! You do exactly the same as they do, based on their “right” way to shake. You comply with their “right way”. You do not insist on your own “right way”. You don’t get pissed off when the girl just touch you with a finger. Don’t get caught up by your own PLOP-DOP! Feed her PLOP-DOP instead!!!
You apply this PLOP-PDOP technique on everything you can apply on! If you notice she like to stare at you when she talk, do so, stare back. If you notice she is shy, you don’t stare like you are watching porn on your computer! If she speak loud, you speak loud. If she like to swing leg, you swing!!! If she like to say “diu”, you also “diu” back!!! Don’t say, “aiyer, why this girl say diu, so rude”. You may not like her to say diu but if you want to make connection with her, want her to like you, you do what she does.
Remember your job is to turn off your own PLOP-DOP and feed their PLOP-PDOP!!! Trick them, take advantage of them, even abuse them. Take full control!!!
The other party will be like having magic moments with you! They will feel like they know you from the past lives! Like instant best friend.
[If you have forgotten, PLOP-DOP is the short form of PLOPWALT-PDOPWANLT and is then the short form for “People like other people who are like themselves. People dislike other people who are not like themselves”]
The term in NLP for describing this kind of magic connection is called building rapport.
The more you practice, the more ways you can apply the technique. If that guy like to drink Tiger but you drink Carlsberg, what do you do? Drink Tiger lar, at least for the first impression (the initial rapport building).
If somebody has some weakness such as can’t talk smooth like “she.. she… she… go… go… go…” you too need to IN SOME EXTEND try to mimic his style of speaking! Of course you will need to be very careful not to make him feel humiliated. At least you need to talk slow and follow his tone. For a guy who can’t walk smoothly, at least you need to follow his steps and pace.
There are too many things you can mimic. Walking steps, like army, LEFT … LEFT … LEFT RIGHT LEFT … which leg to cross? left leg, right leg? high cross, low cross? Some people like to touch nose when talking, you touch too. Some people like to put one hand scratching his head in 90 degrees! You do too.
Follow the slang, follow the language. If you are dealing with Western people who will hug each other and kiss on the cheek, do that! Do not insist on your own value and your own “right way” to do things! Turn off your PLOP-DOP, feed theirs! I am not asking you to kill people, this is merely greeting. If you are a girl and they want to kiss your hand, let them!
In quantum physics terms, these are explain by energy and frequencies. Things that shared the same frequency resonance together and become one. Both are now connected.
The magic is, when you feed enough to their PLOP-DOP creating the resonance between the two of you, miracle happens. Since both of you share the same frequency now, you can start to control him/her without her even knowing it!
You may say, “Let’s try some Carlsberg now.” And you will be surprise that he will no longer insist on his Tiger!
You may be talking business and you suddenly ask, “So how is my selling price? Cool for you?” and you will be surprise that he will say, “Ah! Consider that done! Let’s get back to your Thai girl story…”. [assuming your build rapport by talking about girls]
“Let’s have dinner tomorrow?” You don’t even need to play the choice trick here since you already built rapport with her, she will be very comfortable saying YES!
Have you seen how powerful this technique is? In ugly terms, like the choice trick, we are trying to take advantage of their weakness that they are unconscious about.
Viewing it in beautiful terms, we can say that we can trying to get what we want by making them happy. And most of the time, what we want is the same like them – happiness. If we can give happiness to other people, we will have it ourselves immediately.
One of the most easy way to build rapport with a Chinese is the dialect we speak. We have Mandarin, Cantonese, Hakka, Hokkien, FokChow and a billions of others … If you hear someone speaking Hakka or you know he is a HakkaMan (friend of Ip Man and Iron Man), just go to them and speak Hakka and the rapport will be built almost INSTANLT. Chinese have very strong attachment to their dialect and their root of origin (not the 6” root).
Without challenging the value of remembering our origin, I just want to point out that this can be a weakness because someone with a bad intention can easily make you like him and take advantage of you. I have seen this so often with my dad. When he deals with someone, and they can speak Hakka, hua la!!! They become “instant best friend” can make quick deals. The car mechanics will be able to ask my dad to repair this repair that, change this change that because my father trusts his “bestfriend” so much just because he can speak Hakka! Hokkien says, Kakinang. [Orang sendiri, own people]
Remember that since it is a technique, it can be used to do good things and bad things. Conmen are powerful user of this technique. By knowing it, it can also protect us from bad people trying to take advantage of us. We won’t be so “shock sendiri” by just because someone is speaking our dialect.
Because culture, language and dialect is the fastest way to build rapport. I believe it will be a good advantage to teach Mandarin in Malay school. By doing this, there won’t be so much misunderstanding between Chinese and Malay. It is very easy for Chinese to “connect” with Malay because Chinese knows a lot about Malay and can comply with them (and as I say, the one who COMPLY will later be able to CONTROL). But it is very difficult for Malay to comply with Chinese because they don’t even know what the Chinese is speaking and thinking or even just to read a business sign board! Chinese have been living here for 100 years and it is really really very shocked that almost all Malay can’t speak simple Mandarin or recognize simple Chinese words! The more the Malay DEFEND, the more they lose. This should be very clear now.
Ok, no more politics and racial issues. Let’s get back to dealing with people around us.
If dialect is a quick way to build rapport, what else?
They are the rude words! The quicker you can use rude words (or vulgar words or whatever) with a stranger, the quicker they like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [applicable to people who use rude words only which luckily consist of a big portion of our species]
If you know a guy who like to use “Ma Hai!” [Mother’s Hai] You just go and shout it at the same tone and the same slang like him. He will magically like you. Be it “Wah Lan Diii!” or “Chow Cibai” or anything else since you are probably more expert then me in this field. Remember, the “right” thing to say is the thing the other party like to say.
People who are thought that they are “religious” and with “high value” will have problem complying. These are fake people. Because someone who is really religious and with high value will have no problem complying. The real story below illustrates this -
Master Sheng Yan was on a flight and he sat beside a pastor.
The pastor said to him, “What a waste, talent like you should be in the ‘right’ religion!”.
Sheng Yan asked, “What is the ‘right’ religion?”
The pastor said proudly, “Of course it is Christian!”
And Shen Yan answered, “That’s right! You think Christian is the ‘right’ religion, so you are a Christian. I think Buddhism is the ‘right’ religion, so I am a Buddhist!”
The pastor is very impressed with the answer and they continue to have good conversation on the flight.
Master Sheng Yan didn’t DEFEND and say the pastor is wrong. He instead COMPLIED with the pastor and agreed with him that Christian is the ‘right’ religion. And by doing so, he is able to build the rapport and make strong connection. At the end, he can CONTROL and makes the pastor happy to accept that Buddhism is also the ‘right’ religion.
So if you think you are “religious” and your “value” is very high that you can’t hug a western woman, here is another story.
Master Hui Lü went to a family house for Dharma teaching.
The women was new to Buddhism and she didn’t know that monks are vegetarians (I hope you know!).
As an appreciation, the women took a lot of time to prepare the dinner for him for coming by, with LOTS OF MEATS!
At the beginning, Hui Lü was able to just pick the vegetables among the dishes, skipping the meat, but later he was served a bowl of chicken soup!!!
So how? He is not supposed to drink based on the “religious value”. But surprisingly, he drank it! Why? Because he understands PLOP-DOP! If he defends, the lady will be unhappy and he would have hindered a person for following Dharma which is not good for the lady. He COMPLY for the good of the woman and later he can CONTROL by teaching her Dharma since she is happy. You can’t influence someone who dislike you. But when someone like you, he will listen to you. Remember PLOP-DOP!
If you are stubborn and inflexible, you will have to eat a lot of “hard shits” in this life. You think you win when you diu back (defend) but at the end what you get is more people diu you back (attacks). Only by not diu back that you can take control.
Based on what Huang Ming Zhi is doing now and in the past, he will have a tough road ahead. He always wants to defend himself. I hope he won’t wrote a song to diu me just because I say so!
To bring this story to the extreme, let’ see how Liu Yong teaches his own daughter. (Liu Yong is a popular Taiwan author with lots of lots of books)
Liu Yong told her daughter that if she is so unfortunate that she has been caught and will be raped and there is no way she can escape, he begged her daughter to COMPLY! He asked her daughter to just let go and let them finish their “work”.
WHY SUCH ADVICES TO HIS OWN DAUGHTER?!
Because Liu Yong knows it is life that is more precious than anything else. What “value” that you can’t let go that’s more important than your own life? Almost all raped and killed are due to the victim defending and being killed in accident (it is not intended by the rapist!). By shutting down your PLOP-DOP (your ‘right’ about holiness, virginity …) and feeding the rapist PLOP-DOP (they want to feed their dick, not to kill anyone) you have a CONTROL on keeping yourself alive. Being able to still see your parents, being able to still see your husband, being able to still see your children! Isn’t that a greater value then anything you can possibly lost during that misfortune?
Insisting that you are “right” won’t bring you good outcomes most of the time because what you think is “right” is always not “right” for the other people. It will make the other party unhappy and counter attack you. And most of the “rights and wrongs” we attach to things are very minor things that there is no need to put a magnifier on it, such as a slang or a handshake!
Who say a handshake must be strong? Who say we must look into other people eyes when we talk? Who say we can’t swing our leg when we sit? Why make so much fuss on these small things? Why need to defend such minor things? What can you lose if what they want are just small things like these?
Comply! Comply and make the other party happy! You are the conscious one. They are the unconscious. They can’t do what you do. Only you can do it because you now understand PLOP-DOP. You now know how to make them happy (and how not to make yourself unhappy). Comply first. Build the rapport. Then teach them, inspire them, influence them and affect them!
You will certainly be very happy yourself if you have the power to make other people happy!
War cannot stop war, only peace can.
Darkness cannot stop darkness, only light can.