Learn How To Bribe Police. *For Laugh Only*
Sep 5th, 2006 by AhYap
All saman rate for car is RM70 except accident & running red light (RM150) and not using seatbelt (RM50).
So use your brain next time when you want to bribe a police, don’t believe in the bullshit, “Ini Saman Tiga Ratus Ringgit!”, and let the police scare the shit off you and end up you need to beg them to take your RM100! Use the following formula when calculating the amount of kopi duit.
Bribe Amount = Number of Police x RM10.
So,
1 Police = RM10
2 Police = RM20
3+ Police = RM30 (maximum)
Remember that price are always negotiable! These are the HIGHEST price you can pay.
Things that you should remember when you get caught.
1. Don’t look like a virgin even if you are one! Pretend that you have been caught many times and you are their loyal customer. If they know you are a little virgin, you will be raped.
2. You need to continue talking! Don’t keep quiet. Keep talking shit and they will always talk back to you because they want to find a way to get to the point.
3. Don’t talk like a lawyer! Talk like you are talking to your best friend. Must Kawan Kawan Tau!
4. Make your first offer using 50% of the bribe amount (i.e. RM10 if 2 police). This is very important because they will say no to the first offer. Then you act like it is very hard for you and you talk cock that you are very poor, you then increase it to the bribe amount. They will happily accept it because all people want to bargain a bit than only feel happy.
If you are good, this should be settled within 10 minutes guaranted. 
What if you do not have enough money or your ringgit notes are too big (i.e RM50/RM100)?
Negotiate the price *first* before telling them you don’t have the money or small notes! Then, let them hold your IC/Driving License so they know you can’t run away. You can now
1. Go withdraw cash at ATM or go back house to take if near.
2. If notes are too big, simply go to 7-eleven to buy a condom or you can go pump petrol at the nearest petrol station. (kopitiam, shops will also work! Use your brain)
This method is based on the concept, “Making a new friend is better than making a new enemy”.
Disclaimer: These are my little bullshit and for laughing purposes only, don’t use it as I am not responsible if you burned your ass with it.
The following is a list of the new compound rates (old rates in brackets):
Accidents not involving non-compoundable cases
- Lorry/bus - RM200 (RM300)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM150 (RM300)
- Motorcycle - RM100 (RM300)
Speeding
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM150)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM150)
- Motorcycle - RM50 (RM150)
Not using seatbelt
- Taxi - RM50 (RM150)
- Van - RM50 (RM80)
- 4WD/Car - RM50 (RM70)
Not using helmet
- Motorcycle - RM30 (RM70)
Making an illegal U-turn
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM200)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM100)
- Motorcycle - RM50 (RM70)
Overtaking in a dangerous manner/Cutting queue
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM200)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM100)
- Motorcycle - RM50 (RM70)
Running a red light
- Lorry/bus - unchanged (RM200)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM150 (RM200)
- Motorcycle - RM100 (RM150)
Using a cellphone while driving
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM200)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM100)
- Motorcycle - RM50 (RM70)
Not giving way before turning
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM200)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM100)
- Motorcycle - RM50 (RM70)
Driving license-related offences
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM150)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM80)
- Motorcycle - RM30 (RM70)
Road tax-related offences
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM150)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM80)
- Motorcycle - RM30 (RM50)
Driving in an emergency lane
- Lorry/bus - RM90 (RM200)
- 4WD/Car/Taxi/Van - RM70 (RM100)
- Motorcycle - RM50 (RM70)
Warrant-related cases
- All vehicles - 1X the offer rate, not exceeding RM300 (RM300)
This is very informative indeed!! Hehe~~
aiyah…i wish i read this earlier… the highest i ever paid a police was…. 40 bucks.
My Tuition Fee
1. RM30 - 1 police (Break Rule #1 - Look like a Virgin)
2. RM100 - Real Saman (Break Rule #2 - Refuse to Talk because they accused me something that I didn’t do. Depress for 3 months!)
3. RM50 - 2 police (This one damn pain, already negotiate to RM20 in 5 mins but don’t have small note.)
4. RM15 - 2 police (Follow all the rules. Less than 5 mins. Win Win. No need depress. No need lose big money)
uhhh~…. i’ve got caught passing red light… there’s 2 police, i negotiated 30 but i dont have any smaller notes than 50 so i told one of them… and he ask me to wait… end up i gave him 50 and waited like 2 mins…. he went to collect from other customer and gave me a 20 dollars change~ I always say Malaysia Boleh…!!! so dont bother to go anywhere!!! they are there to help you… thats y u call them kawAn for~!!!
You can always pay less then RM30 if you have time. Usually RM20 for 2 polices because they always atleast 2 polices. Use 5 min to neg for RM20, if cant use 10 min, 20 min, 30 min ……… in the end they will accept what you give. haha.