AhYap’s Blog

[Since AhYap.com is a weird blog, I choose to write about electricity while everyone is writing about petrol, haha.]

When I look at Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB) business model, I think it is a joke. However, many people including all those ‘experts’ in newspaper think that Tenaga Nasional is a very good stock because it has a monopoly on the electricity supply of Malaysia. All houses and businesses in Malaysia must pay TNB to get their electric, to watch Astro, refrigerate their watermelon and surf porn online. They also say it is a very good business because TNB income is very ’stable’ and so you can also expect to receive ’stable’ dividends.

But listen carefully, a monopoly business doesn’t mean it is a great business. And ’stable’ income doesn’t equal to ’stable’ dividends.

The biggest problem with TNB is that they simply control the price of their goods (electricity)! Even if their cost jump up a lot, they still can’t adjust their tariff (until yesterday). What is the meaning of monopoly when you can’t even control the price of your product! When you can’t control the selling price of your product but at the same time the cost of your product keep increasing, you will make less money or even lose money!

At this case, the monopoly end up hurting itself. What is benefit of your monopoly when you have to sell something fixed at RM100 while you produce it at RM150! And because you monopoly, you become compulsory to lose that RM50 no matter what. And the more customers you have, the more money you are compulsory to lose!

Do you think it is funny if your business look like that? Do you want to own such businesses? How do you expect to receive ’stable’ dividends when you have ’stable’ loses! Businesses can’t pay you good dividends when they are actually burning money, instead of generating money.

[The above examples are over-exaggerated by AhYap for Drama Effect, TNB is still able to cover their cost and make some money, but not a lot of money. They are also paying dividends, but not a lot of dividends. And with such business model, I don't think they can make good money and pay good dividends in the future even after the rate hike.]

It becomes more ridiculous when you realized that TNB runs on a business model that punish big customers! I don’t know what other businesses would do that and I really can’t accept that as an investor and a consumer. When you use less electricity, you pay lower tariff. The more you use, the higher the tariff would go! That would means if you buy 1 burger from McDonald, they charge you RM3, if you buy 2, they have to charge you RM10! WTF.

Businesses are meant to make money. Businesses like TNB is a ridiculous business because it didn’t reward their customers that use more! And end up investors don’t make much money from owning this stupid business.

It is almost guaranteed that if you spend more in a shop or buy more of a same products, the shop will happily give you discounts! That’s the correct way to do business, to motivate their customer to spend more so they can make more money. The customer is happy to get the discount and the business owner (and the investor) is happy to make more money. It is a win-win situation.

If you buy a box of Durex with 12 condoms in it, you expect each unit to cost less than the 3 condom pack! They motivate you to buy more (and fuck more), so you get more discount and enjoyment while they make more money. Same applies to Head and Shoulder shampoos, Whisper pads, Jack n Jill potato chips, Scottex toilet paper, Renoma underwear and almost everything else. The bigger pack you buy, the cheaper the averaged cost per unit.

If you go to popular restaurants like McDonald, KFC, PizzaHut, Starbucks, etc. All add ons are always cheaper than your initial purchase. McDonald sells 1 banana pie for RM2 and 2 pies for RM3! Starbucks large coffee is double the size of the small but cost only RM 2 extra! PizzaHut lets you add-on a salad bowl for only RM1 (normal price RM6) when you already order main course. [Damn it, suddenly I realized I eat a lot of junk food.]

Usually if you buy cloths over certain amount, say RM200, you will automatically get say 10% discounts. They are motivating you to spend more so they can make more money. Some shops will give you free gifts (actually sample/trial packs as bait to fish you for buying more in the future). Even if they don’t give you discount, they might give you a cool paper bag to wrap your goods instead of plastic bag so you look more cool when walking around the shopping complex.

Credit card companies motivate you to spend more by giving your bonus points to redeem for gifts! And they even motivate you to owe more money by offering you lower interest rate the more you owe them. So they can make more interest income from you. Even lousy companies like Malaysia Airlines (MAS) offer Enrich Miles to let their customers earn free flights. The more your fly, the more free flights you can redeem. And you got more Enrich Miles if you fly first class or business class (so they can charge you more on those seats). We also have Bonus Link card, Real Rewards card, Jusco Card and even Sen Heng card! The more you spend, the more gift/discounts you get.

Service industries motivate you to buy more by offering you bulk packages. Your averaged cost of signing up a 12 sessions slimming treatment at Terimee is cheaper than you sign up for 3. Your averaged cost of signing up a life time membership with California Fitness is cheaper than a 1 year membership. Even the QQ Express Cut at Mid Valley gives me a stamping cut that gives me 1 free cut for every 6 cut, so you earn an extra idiot look hair cut after they make you look like a sohai for 6 times! Many food restaurants like Coffee Bean are giving away loyalty cards that earn 1 stamp for each visit. And you can redeem free drinks/food after certain amount of visits.

It is very clear that businesses should always reward customers that spend more and customers that are loyal. But what does TNB do? They punish them! The more electric you use, the more expensive you need to pay. This is stupid.

I understand the reason behind this ‘ridiculous’ tariff structure is because the government wants us to spend less on electricity to save on energy. If that is the case, TNB can be considered as a good government entity or an environment friendly company BUT DEFINITELY not a good business/investment.

As a consumer, I want cheaper goods if I spend more. As an investor, I want a company that will motivate their customers to spend more so it can make more money for me. Thus, as a consumer and an investor, I think TNB-sucks-damn-a-lot.

There are many perspectives to look at businesses and this is one of the very rare one. I don’t expect you to read it in newspaper. I end my post with our new electricity tariff for you to enjoy.

For me, the reason that Life-Is-Good is because there are always new things for me to learn. I don’t have much talent that is born with me (other than things related to computer, and maybe talking cock) and I am very proud because I learn most things after I was born. And that is the fun part, if you have skills that you are born with, for example, incredible mathematic skill or drawing skill when you are 3 years old, you can’t teach people how to do that! But on the other hand, if you sucks at something at first and master it later in your life, you can teach people how to do that because you have gone through it yourself. And that explain why my classmates always scold me, "Like this also don’t know meh." Because he is born smart and he just don’t understand why other people can’t understand it.

[And that also explain why I can't teach people computing and how to talk cock]

Today, I am going to teach you a trick that I use ALL THE TIME to trick people on doing what you want them to do. Wahahahah. Bad! Bad! Bad AhYap! Even if you don’t want to use it, knowing it help you to figure out why you always get tricked by somebody else to do things that you don’t want to do! And the next time your insurance agent and MLM friends do that to you, you will know, and smile, and give him your middle finger, and tell him, ‘Don’t use that trick one me, mother fucker!’ :p

Let’s begin.

Hypnosis is playing with the brain. You first understand how the brain works and then you play with it (trick it/manipulate it).

Read this sentence 3 times - ‘Output’ of our brain must be logically linked to the ‘Input’. I am sure if you read it 300 times you also don’t know what does it mean. Examples will help.

Example #1

If I ask you in English, "What is your name Sir?" (the input), your answer will most likely be, "I am Mr Yap". (the output)

But if I ask you in Malay, "Siapa nama encik?" (the input), your brain will need to logically answer in Malay, "Nama saya Encik Yap". (the output)

So if I ask you in Chinese, "先生贵姓？" [What is your sur name] You will logically answer "姓叶。" [Yap]

It is not logical to answer somebody who asked you in English, "What is your name Sir?" and you answer in Malay, "Nama saya Adbullah Badawi".

Example #2

Chinese has their original Chinese name but because of the influence from the west, we have ‘English’ names too like David, Steven, Patrick, Sohai, etc.

If someone come to me and introduce to me, "I am Mr Wong." Then my brain will logically answer, "I am Mr Yap."

If he come to me and introduce to me, "I am David Wong." Then my brain will logically answer, "I am Sohai Yap" [Given that if I have an English name and it is 'Sohai' in this example]

Example #3

If somebody ask you, "What is your name." You can’t answer, "I like to eat KFC." because the output didn’t linked logically to the output!

If somebody ask you, "How to spell Hishammuddin?" You can’t answer, "Streamyx Sucks!". They don’t link.

The 3 examples above show that ‘Output’ of our brain must be logically linked to the ‘Input’. And our game starts from here.

How To Trick People To Do What You Want Them To Do By Giving Them ‘Choices’

Have you ever wonder why your insurance agent and network marketing friends can always ask you to meet up, even though you really don’t want to go because you know he is going to sell you something?

Because they don’t ask you, "Are you free for supper tonight?" If they do so, your answer can be either - "Yeah, I am free tonight for supper so you can steal my money from my wallet" or 99% of the chance, you will answer, "Oh, I am not free… [I have to wake up early tomorrow] [I have assignments/reports to do] [I have to buy durian for my mother-in-law] [I have period pain] [My gold fish is sick]  …" Most people (including you) are very talented liar.

Power salesman don’t ask you "When are you free for supper"! Power salesman ask, "Are we having supper tonight or tomorrow night?"

—Ka-Chiinnngggg—

Now your brain has to answer logically to the question, unless you are really not free tonight or tomorrow night, your brain will just be figuring out if you are free tonight or tomorrow night. Most of the time, you will just choose the ‘better’ choice out of the 2 given choices, tomorrow night. After answering unwillingly, "I think tomorrow night lar." and hang up. You still wondering why you want to see this guy, whose objective is to take money from you.

The trick here is, if you want someone to do something that you want them to do, give them 2 choices where either one is also what you want!

-Examples-

Your mother may say to you, "Do you want to help sweep the floor or you want to clear the rubbish?" Ka-Chinghhhh, either one is what your mother want you to do. Pick anyone and you fall into her trick.

The Osim salesman who want to sell you uZap asks, "Do you want to pay with credit cards or cash?" or "Do you want the white one or the black one?" [real life examples used by soufulow 10 years ago when he is a poor Osim salesman]

Your discipline teacher looking at your Beatles hair, "Do you want me to cut it for you or you want to cut it yourself?"

The ‘choices’ that you give to the victim is very important. In our previous examples, we give them 2 choices where both are what we want. They pick either one, they fall into our trap.

Instead of giving them A or B where both are what you want, you can give them A or B where A is what you want them to choose while B is an extremely ridiculous and awkward choice that doesn’t make any sense to be chosen, or B as a choice that simply look more terrible and worst than A.

-Examples-

You scare that your son will ask you for RM100 ang pow in the coming Chinese New Year, but you only want to give RM20 so you can save the money for Casino De Genting. You can ask, "Son, do you want RM20 for your ang pow this year or you want RM2?" Kekekeke. RM2 look worst that RM20, or course he will choose RM20!

You go to eat fried mee and the guy ask you, "Do you want 1 egg or 2 eggs?" Then your brain think, "Wow, one egg enough lar, where got people eat 2 one." Then you say one. But you fall into his trap already because what he want is to make sure you include egg to your fried mee so he can charge you 50 cents more. If he has asked you, "Do you want egg?", you may have said no and he will not be able to charge you 50 cents more. This is a ridiculous choice example.

Let’s say a coffin seller want to sell a coffin at a certain price, he will show the buyer 3 coffins. The 1st coffin will be the coffin that the seller want the buyer to buy. The 2nd coffin is same price as the 1st coffin but it looks extremely terrible (made with recycle newspaper by Proton Malaysia). The 3rd coffin is a very expensive coffin but look just the same as the 1st one (Made by Louis Vuitton). The coffin buyer will pick the 1st one because the Proton made coffin is terrible in quality while the Louis Vuitton coffin is scary at price. Both choices look worst then the 1st coffin and don’t make sense to be chosen.

-More Examples-

- Your boss, "Can you finish this for me today or tomorrow?"
(actually you can request to finish by next week)

- Your wife, "Are you going to buy me LV or Prada?"
(actually you can request to buy a cheaper Guess bag or a pasar malam pirated LV)

- Your husband, "Do you want to do it on the sofa or the kitchen?"
(actually you can choose not to do it, or do it in the car)

(more…)

3 hours more to go for 2008! Remember that the Barisan Nasional government has promised us that petrol price will not be increased anymore this year. They kept their promise! But please me reminded that tomorrow will be next year! They didn’t promise us anything in 2008.

Happy 2008 with higher petrol price!

—

p/s Why it is boring to read newspaper and listen to what politicians have to say? Today they say, "People, don’t speculate on the petrol price as we will not increase it anytime soon". Tomorrow they will say, "Petrol price increases 40 cents per litre …" That’s newspaper. That’s politician. That’s Najib.

Hmmm, but I still don’t think they are brave enough to increase the petrol price before election. But why everyone is queuing up at the petrol stations right now? Hmm, Hmmmm, Hmmmmmmm …. confused…

After finding out that AhYapSucksDamnALot, my buddy Soufulow has quickly designed an Ah Yap Sucks T-Shirt for me! Wahahaha.

You are just an ignorant bugger who prefers to criticize your country than to do something about it. If you are so smart, go and work in TM! But I don’t think that you are one. Stop comparing your country with Singapore, for goodness sake! It is a small country, and it is much easier to handle! and maybe i will try to start a ‘AhYapSucksADamnLot” t-shirt business. Sucker.

I receive this kind of comments a lot. AhYap.com has a lot of fans and at the same time a lot of haters! As I have said before, I have my own stand on things and that’s why people either like me or hate me a lot.

But for this guy, I find his comment very interesting. If TM sucks and I need to work at TM, then I also need to work at Proton, MAS and also the PRIME MINISTER office and Sammy Vellu office! I also need to work at the traffic department, the flood department, the police department … … since I need to fix all the things that sucks in Malaysia.

Singapore is better because it is smaller? Then why the heck USA that has 300 million people is also better than our tiny 24 million population country? And TM, MAS and Proton (the company) should be a lot smaller than Singapore (the country) and why TM cannot do better than the overall Singapore? Blaming the size is lame. In Chinese we say, “Blaming the floor is too hard when your can’t shit”.

And lastly, starting AhYapSucksADamnLot T-Shirt business show that your don’t have the common sense and economic sense. How much money can you make from that? You can’t even cover your printing cost on it! Someone print the Streamyx Sucks T-Shirt elsewhere and have over 30 preorders even before he print the T-Shirt. And that make sense.

What Malaysian do most of the time is to avoid the truth, the painful truth, the fucking truth!

“It’s OK if Singapore is better than us because they are smaller. And we are better than Nigeria!”

“We can’t fixed the flood and traffic jam, let’s fixed AirAsia sexy uniform.”

“Let’s blame Anwar Ibrahim for everything.”

The truth is, big or small, you have to improve your country! The truth is, easy or hard, you have to work on the flood and traffic jam issues! The truth is, Anwar Ibrahim is not God, he is just an ordinary man.

Someone named tokbi is attacking me on my Post on Prostitution. If you haven’t read the post before, please read it because it is one of my best posts in my blog.

Here is his comment

fuck off!!!

i couldn’t read it all because it is so bullshit!!! it is so wrong and just a piece of shit…!!! hey ah yap, please go to other country before i kick your ass!!! maybe you are the one with an extreme sex desire..a.k.a. sex maniac… malaysia is an islamic country la idiot!! islam is the official religion…negaraku is the official song, bunga raya is the official flower…islam forbid prostitution because it never benefits anybody or anyone except sex maniac like you..what the fuck you said?? prostitute in singapore has 3 monthly medical check up??? you are so stupid, you know..if they contract any STD, HIV or hepatitis germs they can transfer it to other people immediately…3 months ago clean report is very useless…as useless as you…

I am showing you his comment because this is a very good example of what I am trying to tell you in my post “Why The World Can Never Be Perfect!“. Tokbi’s perfect world is a world without prostitution and from his words, you know he wants a world that practices Muslim laws. And he goes to the extend that if you don’t agree with his perfect definition he will fuck you, chase you out of ‘his country’, kick your ass, remind you that Malaysia is an ‘Islamic country’, accuse you as a sex maniac, tell you that you are an idiot, useless and stupid.

He is still consider a nice guy because he didn’t come and bomb my house or kidnap my mother. There are people in this world that if you don’t agree with their prefect world definition, they will come and cut your head in front of the camera and upload it to YouTube! Don’t play play ar!

I’ve seen other Malay bloggers mentioning my post in their blogs and they find that my post is funny. And yet, how come the very same post can make some other Muslims so angry? As I’ve answered in the same ‘Perfect World‘ post, there are people who knows how to respect and accept things especially those that they don’t agree or dislike themselves. While there are also people who will never tolerate a single thing that doesn’t fit his ‘perfect definition’.

This is the world. This is Malaysia. What will Malaysia look like 50 years from now? Will Malaysians learn how to respect and accept each other? Or we are just going to selfishly demand more for our own, our races and our religion, pushing others to the cliff?

scwong: The math that we studies before, 90% of it is not useful in everyday life. I speak for those who are not engineers or accountants or architects, etc.

True! We try to figure out things like Train A start from Ipoh at 8.00am at the speed of 80km/h and Train B start from Johor Bahru at 9.00a.m. at the speed of 100km/h, at what time and where will both the train meet each other? Zzzzzzzzzz.

ahbi: ah yap a….y no add me in msn le…i gave u my email last time mer

My ex-coursemate Donald (The #1 cibai according to Google) has answered it for me nicely. “You guys don’t need to check him on messenger coz i can’t even get him on email!” Yes, CibaiYap really don’t play messenger and reply to emails. He also off his handphone most of the time. Even when it is on, he can let the phone ring and ring and ring without picking it up, making the caller on the other side jump like a monkey. That’s AhYap, or better be called CibaiYap because of this.

taikor: I only knew how to save RM100k in 5 years even before I graduate. For those working in Singapore, that’s a lot easier. Just bring back around S$950 every month and you’ll be able to save Rm100k in 5 years.

Those making SGD should aim for SGD $100,000 to become a SGD millionaire! But if you are making Rupiah, don’t save only 100,000 Rupiah lar. 100,000 Rupiah is only RM39.10!!!

april: i also bought ICAP. but damn miserable .. bought at 1.74 and only 200 units coz super and extremely poor. :’( Plan to sell at 2.15 and wait for it to drop and the buy alot alot in the future. Currently bought under my auntie’s account so have to sell asap or else next year all the minimum rate will increase to RM40. But sibeh good ah the share!!!!

I am very happy, so you are now the #4 people who listen to me. Did you buy 200 or 2,000? If one buy 200 units of ICAP at 1.74, his total cost would be RM361.14 including commissions and fees, making the averaged bought price 1.8057. In order to just break even, one need to sell it at 1.88! It needs to increase at least 8% before you can make any money.

The amount of units you bought affect your break-even point (the price where you sell and you don’t make or lose any money). If you buy ICAP at RM1.74 here are the break even points for different amount of units you buy.

100 - RM2.01
200 - RM1.88
300 - RM1.83
400 - RM1.81
500 - RM1.80
600 - RM1.79
700 - RM1.79
800 - RM1.78
900 - RM1.79
1,000 and above - RM1.77 (total investment around RM1,800)

When we buy or sell a stock, we need to pay the brokerage fee, stamp duty & clearing Fee. It’s the stamp duty and clearing fee that affect our break-even point because when you buy too little, stamp duty and clearing fee will account for a large percentage of your total invested amount.

Lesson 1: Every time you buy or sell, make sure the transacted amount is at least RM1,800 to maximize your return.

Online brokerage like HLeBroking and Maybank2u charge only 0.42% brokerage fee. If you are buying through a reminsier, you will need to pay 0.7%! If you know you can negotiate (most people don’t know), they will give you 0.6%. But that’s still more expensive than the 0.42%.

Lesson 2: Use an online brokerage house to save on brokerage fee.

yangsquare: I’m very prospective about this- but how do you manage to get 20% compound interest?? even 12% would be difficult to find, wont it?

It is very easy, if you know how. It is very hard, if you don’t know how. If you know how to swim, swimming is very easy. If you don’t know how to swim, swimming is very hard (and you can even get drown!). So is swimming easy or hard? Of course, I will share more and blog more later about how to get the 20%. Akan Datang.

yangsquare: Also remember there is also a negative force behind all positive forces; that is what we call INFLATION. inflation rate is currently around 2% for the whole country and 6% in big cities like KL. That means your money will diminish if you keep it in time.. meaning your 20% compound would only be like 18% after subtracting the inflation rate.

Brilliant. The answer is in the statement itself. Because inflation is unavoidable, that’s exactly the reason why we need to aim for a higher compound interest rate (and not the Amanah Saham’s 8%!). If you have live long enough, you should have witnessed the destruction-power of inflation. How much does 2 pop-piah cost 20 years ago? 80 cents. How much today? 2 Ringgit and 80 cents.

yangsquare: btw, how do i start a trading account? any minimum age for that?

18 is the minimum age. Open it online at HLeBroking.com. But you still need to print out the final application form and go to any Hong Leong bank to have your signature witnessed and IC certified. Then you can ask them to mail it for you to Hong Leong securities. To trade, you can bank in money to your brokerage account via Maybank or Hong Leong bank.

Huiying: I agree with the compounding theory too.. it really requires a lot of discipline to reject all kinds of temptations to make that type of saving. Meaning, if you are earning around 3k, while you are still young, no outings, no trips and no fun. Really tough. And so, I think balance is really important. A balance of lifestyle and having saving at the same time.

This is a very open topic like politics and religion. Always can’t get a right or wrong from it. If you are honest with yourself and look at all the people around you, do you think there is more rich people or poor people? Is there more healthy people or unhealthy people? Is there more successful people or fucked-up people? If you do what most people do, you will get what most people get - poor, unhealthy and fucked-up. But this arrangement is good and nothing need to be changed. If not, who is going to sweep the street? Who is going to tar the road? Who is going to be police (haha)?

But what different now is that most people don’t know they have a choice. You know you have a choice now. So you want to be like most people or you want to join the less-people club? But as I said earlier, it is okay to be like most people. If everyone has money, who is going to work at the bank’s counter? Who is going to be our accountant? Who is going to be a brilliant engineer to design better stuffs for our livings? Who’s going to repair our car when it is broken?

Huiying: Just wondering, when you purchased ICAP, you are using the rule#1 method?

No, I don’t. You don’t evaluate ICAP using Rule #1 method because ICAP is a fund and not an ordinary business. ICAP is currently holding 15 stocks. You can happily evaluate it’s holdings using rule #1. ICAP strategy is value investing, and rule #1 is one kind of value investing which is more ‘aggressive’. There are many ways to implement value investing and ICAP is using a more conservative value investing approach than rule #1, making you sleep easier at night. I will discuss what I mean by aggressive and conservative in some other posts.

Cerita ini direka semata-mata untuk tujuan pendidikan.

Ong Ka Ting sedang berada di dalam rancangan “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” siaran NTV7. Keadaan sangat genting kerana dia telah menjawab soalan 500 ribu Ringgit dan sedang menunggu sama ada jawapannya betul!

Jalalludin Hassan, “Jawapan anda … … … … … SELEPAS INI!”

AhYap di depan TV, “Diu!”

(selepas iklan dan banyak lagi air liur dari Jalalludin Hassan)

Jalalludin Hassan, “… Jawapan anda … … … … … BETUL! Syabas dan anda sekarang mendapati 500,000 ringgit!”

(tepukan penonton)

Jalalludin, “Sekarang ke soalan 1 juta! Adakah anda dapat membawa balik 1 juta hari ini? … (air liur lagi) .. Adakah anda sudah bersiap sedia?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Ya, sila teruskan.”

Jalalludin, “Oh, soalan ini memang senang. Ini soalan politik! Tentu YB dapat menjawabnya dengan cepat!”

Ong Ka Ting pun shock sendiri apabila dia terdengar soalan itu soalan politik! Politik adalah mangkuk nasi beliau. Hadiah 1 juta sudah dekat di tangannya.

Jalalludin, “Di antara berikut, yang manakah ejaan betul bagi Menteri Pendidikan Malaysia? …

A. H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-i-n,

B. H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-d-i-n,

C. H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n,

D. H-i-s-h-a-r-m-u-d-d-i-n”

Ong Ka Ting, “Oh! Diu Lor!”

Jalalludin, “Apa tu? D?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Oh bukan, saya ingin mengunakan life line saya yang terakhir - Call-a-Friend.”

Jalalludin, “Siapa YB nak call?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi.”

NTV7 cuba menghubungi Perdana Menteri…

Jalalludin, “Hello, Perdana Menteri? Saya Jalludin Hassan dalam rancangan ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire’ dan di sini adalah Datuk Seri Ong Ka Ting. Dia perlukan bantuan anda untuk menjawap soalan 1 juta! Anda ada 30 saat. Mulai sekarang.”

(30, 29, 28 …)

Ong Ka Ting, “Pak Lah! Bagaimana mengeja Hishamuddin?! H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-r-m-u-d-d-i-n”

Abdullah, “Huh? Apa lu cakap, boleh perlahan sikit?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Lu eja terus bagi saya lah”.

Abdullah, “Ok, aku cuba, H-I-S-H-A … eh ada R tak? H-I-S-H-A-M … hmmm, satu M ke dua M? H-I-S-H-A-M-U-D-D … eh, satu D ke dua D?! …ehhh … ehhh … H-I-S-H-A ….”

Jalalludin, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ….”

Ong Ka Ting, “Harlooooo… harlo? Uh.”.

Jalalludin, “YB, apa jawapan yang anda ingin pilih.”

Ong Ka Ting, “Hmmm… Hmmm… Saya mau ambil 500 ribu dan balik. Tak mau teka lah! Susah sangat ni!”

—-TAMAT—-

Tujuan utama saya menulis cerita ini adalah untuk mengajar para pembaca ejaan yang betul bagi Menteri Pendidikan kita. Jika nama Menteri Pendidikan pun tak boleh eja, macam mana boleh kita kata Sistem Pendidikan kita baik?

Jawapan yang betul, adalah … … … … SELEPAS INI!

&*%@$!^%^&%^

Jawapan yang betul mengikut wikipedia adalah C. H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n.

Tak ada ‘r’. Dua ‘m’ dan dua 2 ‘d’.

Tak payah malu jika anda eja salah sebab ada 741 laman web pun eja salah menurut Google.

Lagipun, dalam wikipedia Hishammuddin, ejaan Hishammuddin (dua ‘m’) digunakan 9 kali dan Hishamuddin (satu ‘m’) digunakan 6 kali.

Google punya spell-check pun tak tepat.

Mana satu yang memang memang betul? Kita perlu check dia punya IC lor!

Read this good joke - Malaysian Hell.

I wrote a comment to the post, but Maria, the owner of the blog, modified my comment to -

“This post is really good! I like it very much!”

But what I originally wrote was

“This post is fucking good! I like it very much!”

Wahahaha. This teaches me a lesson not to simply fuck at others people blog.

Sojai is different than Sohai. Sohai are normal people with normal brain but do stupid stuff. Sojai do weird stuff because their brain already got some wiring problem. So here means ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ and jai means ‘kid’. Sojai that are serious will be locked up in Hospital Tanjung Rambutan or Hospital Tampoi.

This series is not to look down on them but is for laugh only because I can’t understand why there are so many sojai near my house! You will be amazed.

Sojai #1 is a happy sojai. He calls every man God-Father (义父) and every woman God-Mother (义母). If he sees you he will come to you and says, “God Father, give me 1 ringgit.” (义父，俾一文我). Then after he get his 1 ringgit, he will run to a nearby grocery store to buy 2 cigarettes. He will immediately start smoking one and stuck the other one to his ear. He will then walk like the king on the street enjoying every buff.

He will shit anywhere when he wants to shit. He will just pull down his pants and shit. There is a kind of firecracker that look like a match. You scratch it and throw it away and it will explode in a few seconds, something like a grenade. And one time when this sojai is shitting happily, some naughty kid lighted up the firecracker and threw it under his ass. The firecracker exploded and he jumped up like a rocket!

My father never gives him money because if you give him once, he will come to you everyday. But even if you don’t give him money, he will still come to you occasionally. And what surprise us is last week, when he come to my dad again, he didn’t say,”God father, give me 1 Ringgit.”

Instead, he said, “God father, give me 50 cents.” Wow! After so many years, he finally realized my father will not give him 1 ringgit and he is now offering my father 50% discount to hope that my father will change his mind. He is getting smarter and using psychology on us!

There are more sojai stories that I will be writing, such as the ‘fuck you sojai’, the ‘I am useless sojai’, the ‘lottery sojai’ and a lot more. And they all stay near and wander near my house.