AhYap’s Blog

AhYap is online now at LCCT with the free Airport Wimax. He should now be on the flight but why the heck he is still blogging in the airport?

Because the dai sohai miss his flight!

AK5154 Tawau 15:25 Berlepas! (Berlepas = Departed! = Fly already!)

This is really joke of the day. I am already at the airport at 2 something, how can I miss the flight? I also don’t know, I just remember the last thing I do before trying to board is pee. I reach the boarding gate at 15:13 according to my watch, they say their watch is 15:20. They see I must board 10 minutes before the flight.

Ok, well, hmmm….

I think the reason for the flight delay is to give me some free time to blog using LCCT free WiMax so you guys can laugh at this dai sohai.

I am now waiting for the next flight at 17:50 which ticket I just bought at RM372 (1 journey 2 tickets). Please pray for me that I won’t miss this flight again.

Oh! Boarding now at 17:24! So early! Bye bye, I have to be kia su this time to queue up early!

Soufu wrote a post on Affiliate: a decent job for Aseans?

Suddenly I have a lot to say too!

You really think that it is easy to make money online? It seems to me that the only way to make money online, is to TEACH people how to make money online.

That’s the same as GOLD RUSH. 150 years ago, everyone thought that there were lots of gold beneath the land. So a lot of people rushed to dig and dig and dig. But they didn’t make any money because there isn’t even 0.01% of gold that they have imagined. They are just dreaming.

Guess who make the most money? The guy who sold these dreamers the digging tools (shovels, etc) and also Mr Levi Strauss, who sell them Levi’s Jeans!

Now the same thing is happening again. It’s really hard to dig for gold from the internet but is far more easy to sell the Shovel and Jeans to the greedy people that want to make money online!

There are thousands of online ebooks and courses sold online that teach you ‘How to make money online’.

Many so-called guru in Malaysia are giving seminars and workshops to those who want to learn how to make money online.

There is a Malaysian guy sending out SPAM email asking us to join his workshop for RM250 and he will teach us ‘How to rank #1 in Google!”. And that’s really a joke. If he can rank #1 for the word ‘Mortgage’ in Google, he will be an multi-millionaire. He don’t need to organize a workshop for RM250. I can instantly teach you how to rank #1 in Google. I will rank #1 for the keyword rankno1ingoogle in a few days because that keyword exist only once in the entire internet and that’s AhYap.com! Pay me RM250 please.

Ranking #1 in Google is not enough to make you money. You need to rank #1 for profitable keywords. Rank #1 for the keyword “Najib” won’t make you rich. You need to rank #1 for something like “credit card”. And if you can rank #1 for “credit card”, I will pay you RM25,000.

And there is a woman who called herself “The #1 Internet Marketing Coach”. Yucks. She called herself so because she said Google ranked her #1 for the keyword “Internet Marketing Coach”.

This really makes me laugh. Google ranks you #1 for the keyword “Internet Marketing Coach” only means you are #1 for that keyword in the search results and doesn’t mean you are the #1 Internet Marketing Coach. ^&%@##$@#%%

AhYap.com ranked #4 for the keyword ’sohai’ so AhYap is the #4 Sohai in the world?!!! Wahahaha (maybe true).

But AhYap.com ranked #1 for the keyword ‘AhYap’ so I am the smartest AhYap in the world? Oh, I thought you say I am the #4 sohai just now?

And if she is so good, she should have ranked #1 for the keyword ‘Internet Marketing’, not ‘Internet Marketing Coach’. There are a lot of people search for ‘Internet Marketing’ but there is not much people search for ‘Internet Marketing Coach’. She did ranked #4 for ‘Internet Marketing’ if you search in Google but that’s because we are using a Malaysia IP. If you are looking at the US results, she is no where in the Top 100. Shame, shame. And I don’t think she knows how to make Google shows US results.

And her website has only a PageRank of 4. (PageRank is a score given by Google to grade a page with 10 being the highest)

Even AhYap as the #4 sohai in the world has PageRank of 3 while the #3 cibai in the world Mr Cibailang has a PageRank of 4 too! So cibailang is also as good as the “#1 Internet Marketing Coach”.

But she is really a RICH WOMAN! Because she is selling you the tools to make money online! She makes a lot of money by teaching you how to make money online!

And remember she doesn’t make those money online because she is organizing her seminars offline in her computer lab and advertising her tools and seminars on local newspaper, which are OFFLINE.

And why it works even she is not as good as soufulow when it comes to internet marketing? Because you only need to be in Standard 3 level to qualify teaching a kindergarden student (small baby). 99% people who want to make money online are internet marketing idiots. Probably don’t even have kindergraden level, just baby learning how to walk. If your internet marketing skill is at Standard 3, you can easily teach a kindergarden student. You don’t need to be a PHD in Internet Marketing.

Anyone wants to pay me RM250 for a 2-hour internet marketing seminar? I am happy to entertain as I believe I got Standard 4 in Internet Marketing.

Regards,
AhYap
The #4 Sohai In The World according to Google.

There is no such thing as a ‘perfect world’! Because for 6 billion people who live on this fucking earth, all of them have a different definition of PERFECT. And all of them significantly contradict with each other! Your definition of perfect is different than my definition of perfect. Mahathir Mohamad’s definition of perfect is different than Abdullah Badawi’s definition of perfect! George Bush’s definition of perfect is different than Osama Bin Laden’s definition of perfect. How the world can be ‘perfect’ when everyone wants something different?

For an example, I am a non smoker and my ‘perfect world’ is that NO ONE ever smoke!

But for a smoker, his ‘perfect world’ would be something like

1. He can smoke anytime and anywhere in the world and not just the GSC and KLCC toilets (and Parliament House if he is a Malaysia politician).

2. Government will not tax on cigarettes but instead subsidizes them like they subsidize our petrol.

3. Smoking will never cause Lung Cancer but will actually enhance his health and sex power (plus some penis enlargement effect).

How the world can be ‘perfect’ when non-smokers perfect world is a world with no one smoking while smokers perfect world would be to able to smoke anywhere? Both of them will keep on fighting for their own ‘perfect’ world, according to their own definition!

Both sides will sing the same song ” … We will … keep on FIGHTiiinnng till the end… We are the Champion! … We are the Champion! …”

Each religion in this world has their own definition of ‘perfect’. Muslims say that there is only 1 God who created the world and His name is Allah. Christians say that there is also 1 God who created the world but His name IS NOT Allah. Then Hinduism say that there are a lot of Gods who created the world together. But Buddhists say that there in No God who created this world.

Muslims perfect world would be everyone’s a Muslim and follows Islam’s teachings. Christian’s perfect world would be everyone’s Christian and follows Christian’s teachings. So as Hinduism and Buddhists. How the fuck can the world be ‘perfect’ when everyone has different definition for ‘perfect’? [And also definition of 'sin' when it comes to religion]

More examples -

When you want to buy something, you want to buy at the cheapest price. But the guy who sell you want to sell you the HIGHEST price!

When you are driving down the traffic light, you wish that the light is GREEN for you. Put it another way, you selfish little bastard wish the other sides got RED! But the drivers at the other sides wish that you got the RED instead so he can have the GREEN! (The other side are also selfish bastards)

51% of Americans voted for George Bush so he is now the President of America. 49% voted against him! See how contradict they think regarding the ‘perfect’ America.

A chicken (real chicken, not the fake chicken) perfect world would be a world that human don’t eat chicken BUT the human perfect world be more KFCs and Ramlee Burgers.

Wow! I never thought of that until now. If chickens and animals also have their own definitions of perfect world, there will be 6 billion people + XXX billion animals that all have different definitions for a perfect world. See how fucked up it can be.

Cow perfect world would be that no human drink cow’s milk and girls don’t like cheese cake while human perfect world would be a cow with unlimited milk.

Girls perfect world is a lot of shoes and handbags. Guys perfect world is no need to go shopping with his girlfriend and suffocate inside the extremely crowded Vinci Shop.

I hope that my mum will take care of her health by taking control of her diet. But she prefer her curry mee and nasi lemak than her health.

I wish that “Lost” (the movie series) will have Lost Season 4, Season 5 and Season 6 Finale right now so I don’t need to wait for 16 episodes in 2008, 16 in 2009 and 16 in 2010! But the producers prefer to do it the slow way to make more money.

Going more sarcastic (but very true). A Johor girl hopes that there are no rapist in Johor but a Johor rapist hopes that he can rape anyone he wants without being caught by the police! [Note: 'rape anyone he wants' not 'rape everyone' because even rapists has their own definition of 'perfect' victims. Different rapists have different taste. Some like girls wearing nurse uniform because he watches too many Japanese AV while some like smaller size girls because he consciously or subconsciously knows that he can control her easier than a BIG one. It is very shameful if you try to rape someone and end up being 'raped' back with a stick on your back hole and your balls broken.]

Americans hope that all terrorists are dead while terrorists hope that all Americans are dead.

Everyone wants to be the richest man in the world but there is only 1 richest man in the world at anytime out of the 6 billion people in this world.

Streamyx users want fast torrents download but TM Net hopes their customers don’t know how to use torrent so they can save a lot of money in bandwidth.

People hope that they can go to Heaven but no one wants to die. [off topic]

—

Every single “want” that we want, there will always be someone in this world that don’t want it. And for every single “don’t want” that we don’t want, there will always be someone in this world that want it. How the fuck can be world be perfect?

So how do we make this world a ‘better’ world when what I want is not want you want? How to live in this world that everyone has a different definition of ‘perfect’?

Important Question: “How can we live happily in this world?”

Since you know someone can be 180 degrees different that you. Don’t INSIST on things to be the way you want it to be. Flexible with the things you don’t like. Flexible with the things that contradict with your perfect definition.

We need to enlarge our heart so BIG that it RESPECTS everything and ACCEPTS everything. It respects everything that we don’t like and it accepts everything that is contradict with our perfect definition.

It is OK if the guy in front of you drive slow. It is OK if your neighbor is a Muslim while you are a Christian (or anyway round). It is OK if someone says you are stupid or talk bad about you. More sarcastically, it is OK if someone wants to kill you. Although not logical, but imagine you really allow people to kill you and you won’t feel angry, how happy can you be while you are living? The point is to see how much space you are going to give to people that are different than you. How much can you tolerate. [If you are a Muslim, can you tolerate people burning Al-Quran in front of you? If you are a Christian, can you tolerate someone burning Jesus picture in front of you? Wars always started because they can't tolerate these. If you really stick to your religion, why do you need to feel angry with those. You should have known very clearly that they will go to Hell when they die. God will do his job.]

I am not telling you to let a rapist rape you tomorrow and let a terrorist kill you tomorrow. I am telling you that if you can accept those things, your happiness in this world will be the maximum. People at this level can be happy even other people make them suffer. Maybe we don’t need to get to the extreme, maybe half? Many of us live far from it. Can’t even tolerate little thing like a ‘look’ from a stranger or a horn from the back driver. News like the Korean student got beaten to death by 2 Malaysians is a good example.

The less definitions you have on how the perfect world should be and the less you INSIST on things to be some way, the more happy you will be living in this never-can-be-perfect world.

When one day your definition of perfect become nil (zero), that’s the day you live in the perfect world. By then you will be happy and satisfy with everything. No one can ever pissed you off even if they cut off your legs and hands and put into the refrigerator. This is going too far, but that’s the correct direction. If you can reach half way, you are doing extremely well.

Your happiness doesn’t require any requirements and criteria. You no longer need things and people to be the way you want them to be. You don’t need the world to change a thing before you can be happy!

Enjoy your life!

Some people don’t really get what we meant by Streamyx is the largest INTRANET provider in Malaysia. I think it come from the confusing technical word ‘INTRANET’.

Intranet is not Internet. Intranet refers to a local connected network. Usually a university or a company (say a bank) will have their own intranet. The reason we say Streamyx is the largest intranet in Malaysia because they connect like ROCKET within Malaysia and connect like TURTLE outsite of Malaysia (especially to USA). So it is a shame that they call themselves the largest Internet Service Provider (ISP) in Malaysia and that’s why we suggest them to call themselves the largest INTRANET Service Provider in Malaysia instead.

Today I do a few speed test using SpeedTest.net to let you know what I mean.

–Speed Test to Kuala Lumpur (Kampung of the World)–

See the Amazing speed? That’s ROCKET speed! 1,265 kbps! And my package is the RM88 1mbps (1,024kbps). So it actually goes over the limit! The reason it goes over the limit is because I complaint too much last year and they upgrade it free for me to 1,536kbps to keep my mouth shut.

But the upgrade is totally useless. Why? Because I don’t surf Malaysia sites most of the time. I have to visit YouTube, have to visit MySpace that are hosted in the USA. Let’s do some speed test to USA.

–Speed Test to Los Angeles, USA–

My God! Did you see that Amazing Turtle Speed? 33kbps! I pay RM88 for 1,024 kbps and 33kbps is only 3% of my package speed. The ancient analog modem that we keep in the museum now (the 1515 that sounds like diiiiiiiiiiiii-di-di-di-di when you try to connect) can connect at 54kbps!

How do you expect me to see Paris Hilton from her webcam in L.A. at 33kbps?

–Speed Test to New York, USA–

Arghhhhh! Pengsan. 24kbps! No wonder my YouTube movie and MySpace music never load. No wonder Donald Trump can’t hear me on SKYPE this morning.

–Speed Test to London, UK–

Errrrr! Only 47 kbps! How do I voice-chat with Tony Blair using Yahoo Messenger?

The internet, means International Network. It connects the whole world together. If TM-Net promise us ‘Internet’ service of 1,024kbps, they should provide that speed for all sites in the world, not just Malaysia. So, our Streamyx is really one of the biggest Joke in Malaysia (something like Proton).

It is even more nonsense, when Streamyx is now offering 4mbps package while they are still unable to provide a good 1mbps!

Malaysian are a pity nation. We know something is shit, but we still have to eat it. We know Streamyx is shit, but we still have to use it. We know Proton is shit, but we still have to drive it. And I keep eating this 2 shits everyday (Streamyx and my Proton Iswara). AhYap Boleh!

Update: AhYap has stop complaining about Streamyx so he can Live In Peace. Please read his final post on what do do with your slow streamyx connection and improve your torrent speed for his final episode. Commenting for this post has also been closed.

There was this board in a Hotel @ China.

Hell! Where is the other half of Malaysia? Where is the Dog Head? Where is the Cat (Kuching)? Malaysia has only the banana left!

If our politicians see this, they would say, “It is OK to lost Sabah Sarawak because we are still better than Indonesia because they lost hell lots more islands then us!”.

This is what our politicians do all the time. This is called the compare game. When there is something bad, they will compare it to something worst to make that thing ‘look’ good. When there is bocor (leakage), they say it is good because it didn’t runtuh (collapse).

But when it comes to self-interest things, they forget to compare to something worst but instead compare to something better. Like when it comes to their salary, they forget to compare to the Africans who don’t even have food to eat, but they want to compare to Singapore’s Prime Minister (USD $2 million/year). When the Goverment gives him a free Perdana, he compares his Perdana with Ferrari (instead of my Iswara).

And then when we tell them how fuck up Streamyx is, they will tell us many Africans don’t even have TV! (now they remember the Africans) Why don’t they compare to Singapore, Japan and USA?

When you tell them the Toll price is very expensive, they will show you a report with a list of countries that pay more expensive Toll, i.e. comparing to something worst so our toll price ‘look’ good now. When you tell them Petrol is very expensive, they put up BIG bill board all over Malaysia and advertise in all newspapers telling us we actually pay cheap because they subsidize us, i.e. comparing to something worst, in the case if they DON’T subsidize us. Why they don’t compare to Brunei that charges 50 cents a litre?

Understand how politicians play the compare game now?

Your parents play that too. When you ask the President of the house (not Abdullah Badawi but your dad) why he drive a Proton instead of a BMW, he will tell you many people can only ride a bike! When you ask the First Lady (not Jeanne Abdullah but your mum) why she can’t cook like Iron Chef, she will tell you many woman don’t even know how to cook.

BUT THEN….

When you get #2 at school the politicians of the house (again, not Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah but your mum and dad!) compare you to the #1 student and ask you why you didn’t get #1! They forget to compare to the 356 people who is worst then you.

When you score 99 marks in your Math, they compare you with the full score 100 and ask you why you didn’t get 100 but only 99! They forget to compare to 98, 97, 96 …. 3, 2, 1 & 0.

So the next time when the politicians in your house compare you to something better, you just asked “Why Ah Meng’s father drove a Benz and you drove a Proton?”, “Why Ali’s house got swimming pool and we don’t even have a 2nd storey?”

I promised they will kick your ass and ask you to sleep outside the house. Then you can compare sleeping in your small room vs sleeping outside the house with mosquitoes. Wahahahaha.

[Thanks Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah for participating in my story.]

Question: Guess what’s happening at the Shanghai Airport?

Hints: Sammy Vellu, JKR, Malaysia High Court, Parliament Building

Answer: BOCOR! (Leakage)

China Boleh! Shanghai Boleh! Malaysia Boleh!

A visitor asked me what do I mean by ‘Sohai’. I bet he is reading my post on Sohai Streamyx Technician - Why Send a Sohai to My House? So he must be a non-chinese and I am very happy to explain to all the people in the world who does not know what this fantastic word means.

When you see the word Sohai, you can replace it with ‘Idiot’, i.e. Idiot Streamyx Technician - Why Send an Idiot to My House.

Easy? But my friend, you better be careful when you use this word because it is not a ‘friendly’ word, it is a rude word.

Sohai is made up of 2 Cantonis word, So and Hai.

So = Stupid

Hai = The organ of your mum where your father put something in and get you out from it. Like a Coke vending machine, you put RM1.50 and you get a can of coke out from it. So that organ, your father put some liquid in and get you out from it. If you don’t know what is it, ASK YOUR MUM, SOHAI! Ask your father if you don’t know what liquid he put in.

That’s why sohai is consider a rude word. But it is very common among the Cantonis speaker.

- Sohai! Do you know how to spell Hippopotamus?

- Look at that Sohai, he wear a red underweer.

Sometimes we can use the word on ourself.

- Today I am very Sohai, I locked my car key inside the car.

- April Ng, “I am so sohai! My website get hacked!” (wahahaha, sorry to burn you in but I find it funny that you actually has a blog category called sohai!)

Sometimes we can call our friend sohai

- Ui Sohai, where to eat supper?

- I put soufulow nickname in my address book as Sohai Fu.

(It makes friends closer to each other because only close friends will not get pissed-off with such word. Like in English, you can call your buddy, “Hey ass hole!” Try that on a stranger and see if you can still keep your balls)

There are 2 common variations of Sohai

1. Dai Sohai - Dai means big. So dai sohai means big idiot. Soufulow is a dai sohai because he typed self-employed as self-employer in his resume. [All those YouTube movies that you watch where the Americans doing some stuns but failed are all dai sohai, i.e. jump from building to building and fell, skate down the stairs handle and fell, burn their own pubic hair... All the fellas in American Funniest Home Videos that send in videos of someone fell is also dai sohai. All the people who laugh because someone fell is also dai sohai.]

2. Sei Sohai - Sei means die. So it is an extra curse word on top of sohai. You use it because of hatred. You can called a policeman that saman you a sei sohai. If somebody knocks your car from the back you can call him sei sohai. If a politician say your mum bocor every month, you can call him sei sohai.

So you have learned a new word today, use more in your blog! If your visitors ask you what is Sohai, you can answer them, “Wah! Sohai you also don’t know ar! You are really a dai sohai!” Wahahahaha.

How to Pronounce ‘Sohai’?

A commenter below make a good example on how to pronounce it.

Soyabean’s So
Haiya’s Hai

p/s Oh, if you use the word ’sohai’ in your post, remember to link it to this page!
SoHai!

Wahahhaha.

26th Hong Kong Film Awards
• Winner - Best Picture
• Winner - Best Director (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming)
• Winner - Best Supporting Actor (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Winner - Best New Artist (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Winner - Best Original Screenplay (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Tian Kai-Leong)
• Nomination - Best Actor (Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing)
• Nomination - Best Supporting Actress (Kelly Lin)
• Nomination - Best Cinematography (Mark Lee Ping-Ban)
• Nomination - Best Editing (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming)
• Nomination - Best Art Direction (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Cyrus Ho Kim-Kung)

43rd Golden Horse Awards
• Winner - Best Picture
• Winner - Best Actor (Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing)
• Winner - Best Supporting Actor (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Nomination - Best New Artist (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Nomination - Best Original Screenplay (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Tian Kai-Leong)
• Nomination - Best Cinematography (Mark Lee Ping-Ban)
• Nomination - Best Make-up and Costume Design (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Tu Hsu-Chung)

This movie is very special to me because it is taken in Ipoh, my little hometown, where I am writing this blog from. The story is also based on Ipoh 20 years ago. At that time, I was at the age of the kid in the movie. I enjoy the movie very much but this post is not a movie review, this is another AhYap’s Just For Laught post.

This movie is based on 20 years ago at a place called Ipoh. To know how long is 20 years ago, a phone look like this in the movie.

Boy, it is a rotator phone. Kleeek-kak-kak-kak-kak-kak,Kleeek-kak-kak-kak-kak-kak-kak. You dial the number by rotating the numbers and not pushing buttons.

While Hong Kong and Taiwan people have no idea what Ipoh and Malaysia look like, but Ipoh guy (and other Malaysian) like me can easily sense something in miliseconds when we see these.

We are sensitive to something that look like ‘money’ because we hope to pick some up from the floor. This is the Malaysia new currency notes, they don’t exist 20 years ago.

Wow, this car with back break lights on the upper part of the car and metallic blue doesn’t exist as well 20 years ago. Hmm, we don’t have vCool or AirCool or other UV screen film at that time too.

Sorry boy, no red and white plastic chairs existed 20 years ago. It is either metal chairs, wood chairs, or bamboo chairs. But that Nissan Sunny is exactly what we use at that time.

Oh my god! Ipoh Medan Kitt bus station hasn’t change even slightly for more than 20 years! I sat on that wood chair before 20 years ago. All the omni buses looked the same 20 years ago too (ticket price changed only). Public phones changed, they were orange colour 20 years ago.

And the WINNER!

There is no JobStreet.com 20 years ago! Wahahahahaha!

[There is no Google.com, no Yahoo.com, no Netscape browser, no Internet Explorer... no such thing as Ebay Auction, YouTube, Torrent, Blog, not even Jaring and TM-Nut Streamyx]

But the fucking proton saga existed 20 years ago and only changed slightly from saga to Iswara. You can still buy one today. Useless Proton.

More…

There is a scene of Aaron Kwok drinking beer in a kopitiam that is opposite the sohai shop that print my name card. It is a Chinese kopitiam but the background music is a Malay song. Boy, no chinese kopitiam will broadcast Malay song. Nothing to be sensitive with because no mamak stall broadcast Chinese songs as well. Malay bus driver will switch on Radio Era instead of MyFM. No Indian listen to Chinese songs too when they are driving their Proton Wira with the window down and their hand put outside the car. It is our culture, we all know that. It has been that way for 50 years and nothing is wrong with that.

The malay song is later broadcast again in a fucking scene. Wahahaha.

What I mention here, won’t be noticed by the Hong Kong and Taiwan judges because they don’t understand our culture that much. A Malaysia judge might had noticed all these and may not rate it that good with such mistakes.

The movie does learn a lot about our culture and mimic them in the show, like the use of the word ‘lui’ as money. The word ‘lui’ is only used by Malaysian Chinese because it come from the word ‘duit’! So as the word ‘pasar’ and ‘bas sekolah’. And of course the best mimic of our Ipoh Chinese culture is the word ‘diu’ (soufu and I are very good with utilizing this word). ‘diu’ means fuck in Cantonis.

[Note: Only Ipoh and KL chinese use the word 'diu'. Because Ipoh and KL chinese speaks Cantonis. Hokkien kia at Penang, Taiping, Singapore... use 'kan ni' (fuck you).]

Another word is ‘Ah Boy’, almost all Chinese families call their son ‘Ah Boy’. ‘Ah Boy’ become his name and when he is 50 year old, his 80 year old mum will still call his son ‘Ah Boy, eat rice lor’! And do you know why it is still better to be called Ah Boy? Because the first son will usually be called Ah Boy and the 2nd son will be called ‘Ah Bi’, which come from ‘Baby’! I don’t want my 80 year old mum calling me ‘Ah Bi, come to eat rice lor’ when I am 50 years old!

No matter what I say, this is indeed a very good film.

Long time ago, I blog my Investing Story - Part 1 where I mentioned that I have made a little money from the KLSE when I get started. I got over-confident and lost a lot more later when Najib became the deputy prime minister. Aih, Najib.

The first stock that I bought was Maxis! Why I suddenly told you about Maxis? Because the 2nd richest man in Malaysia, Mr Ananda ‘Gates’, announced yesterday that he plans to buy out the WHOLE company!

His suggested price is RM15.60 per share and he expects the buyout to be completed in 2 months. So everyone can sell their Maxis shares to Ananda at RM15.60 in 2 months. (They are selling at RM15.30~RM15.40 at market right now, so people who want to hold for the next 2 months can make like 1~2%)

AhYap, in 21 November 2003 bought 1,000 shares of Maxis at RM6.95!

Wahahahahaha!

Today is 05 May 2007, that’s exactly 3 and a half years (3.5 years).

Bought RM6.95, Sold RM15.60, total return = 124.4%! Compounded yearly return is 26% for the last 3.5 years! That’s better than Warren Buffett performance. ENVY?!

Wahahahahaha!

But unfortunately, AhYap sold his 1,000 Maxis Shares in less than 2 weeks after he bought them at RM$7.40, making a profit of 4.7% only after brokerage commissions and fees. At that time, AhYap was so proud of himself because he thought he had beat the 1 year Fixed-Deposit rate of 3.7% in just 2 weeks.

… … …

I am quite sure that 9 out of 10 people are short term focused. That’s normal. Who likes to wait? Do you like to wait outside of the restaurants for your turn? Do you like to wait in banks? Do you life to wait in traffic jam and traffic lights? No one like to wait, they want to be quick. And that includes money (that explain why pyramid schemes and other money cons still works very well today).

If you think 10 years from now is hard to imagine, do this exercise. Think 10 years ago. 10 years ago, where are you? How long do ‘10 years ago’ feel to you? Most people will feel like it is just yesterday! And you will feel the same for today 10 years later! The same for 20 years and 30 years later! Sooner, you will be there.

For those who are short term oriented in everything of their life (work, investing, relationship, health, etc.) Herbert Stein has a good phase for you (BTW, I don’t know who the heck is Herbert Stein).

“We woke up to discover that we were living in the long run, and were suffering for our failure to look after it”.

When we make some mistakes, we will regret and hate ourself. But soon we will forget about it. The BIGGEST REGRET in our life, is not the mistakes we made, but the THINGS THAT WE DIDN’T DO THAT WE SHOULD HAVE DONE! 10 years, 30 years or 50 years later, you will forget about the mistakes you make long ago, but will regret on the things you should have done but you didn’t. If you agree with it, you will be more willing to take actions TODAY, more willing to make mistakes TODAY, so you won’t have to regret when you are old.

I might have sold my Maxis, make stupid mistakes in buying some stupid mutual funds … but I have been very hardworking in learning more about investing (I read almost 20 books on this topic alone in the last 6 months). 30 years from now, I will not regret if I sold my Maxis earlier, or lost a lot of money when Najib became the deputy prime minister, or the 12% I lost in options trading for the last 2 years … I will regret if I do none of these, and have my money just sit on a 3.7% fixed-deposit for 30 years where the same $2 that I put in today will only worth $6 where a pop-piah today that cost $2 today will also cost $6, 30 years later after inflation.

I think many people will have $1,000 today. What $1,000 will become after it is compounded for 30 years?

1% - $1,348 (savings account)

3.7% - $2,974 (fixed deposit)

5% - $4,321 (bonds)

8% - $10,062 (stocks, mutual funds, real estates)

10% - $17,449 (stocks, mutual funds, real estates)

15% - $66,211 (stocks, Phil Town)

20% - $237,376 (stocks)

25% - $807,793 (stocks, Warren Buffett, Peter Lynch, Tan Teng Boo, Mohnish Pabrai)

30% - $2,619,995 (not many people can do this)

Are you happy if your $1,000 that you put in today became $237,376 30 years later? I don’t think any insurance policy can beat that kind of protection to yourself, your family and even your grandson.

Let’s say I continue to blog for 30 years and you keep reading for 30 years (I need to give you Ang Pow if you do that). Say I have put my $1,000 down today and it become $237,376. And I blog about it! While you, who read my blog today and 30 years later, put the same $1,000 in an FD and got $2,974, will you want to kill yourself when you read my post? I think you will never visit AhYap.com again to avoid being reminded of what you didn’t do where you should have done, 30 years ago. You regret.

And remember 30 years is the length of most of our housing loan! If you are willing to wait 30 years to fully own your house, you can definitely wait 30 years for your investment to become $237,376.

At last, if you make $237,376 30 years later, remember to give me ang pow or buy me some pop-piah! I am sure I will still be alive. But never come to me if you lost all your money!

If you raise the salary of a policeman, it will not stop him from accepting bribe.
If his salary is RM800, he is happy with a RM10 bribe.

If you increase his salary to RM1800, RM10 no longer look tasty to him! He will become more greedy. So he will PEPSI! (ASK FOR MORE!). So now he need minimum RM20.

RISK & REWARD. If you want me to take more risk, you will have to give me better reward.

Receiving bribe is illegal and thus everytime they do so, they are taking risk. Risk against losing their job = their salary. When their salary is only RM800, risk is small. But if their salary is RM1,800, risk become bigger. So it must come with better reward before they are willing to take the risk. And that bigger reward is BIGGER bribe amount!

And that also explains why small duck police can be bribed at $10 while big cow sarjan and inspector may need RM200. Government officers for kopitiam license or your new house construction drawing might need RM500 while politicians for billion dollar Iskandar projects might need a few millions + some china girls and some donations to UMNO and MCA.

To make sure we can continue to bribe at RM10/policeman, please don’t vote for a police pay raise! Everyone make mistakes in this world, we don’t want to pay more than RM10 for our small mistakes. Wahahahaha.