AhYap’s Blog

If this blog post doesn’t help you grow smarter, I will cut off my dick and never blog again.

Disclaimer: My dick might be too small to be found.

Story begins…

The phone in my room ring many times in the evening (I sleep in Day Time). There are only 2 persons who know my house phone number, my girlfriend and banks. Usually I will pick up because it seldom ring.

But today, I am a total PIG (ARRRR!), I ignore the phone. At one time I pick it up and it happens to be the Telekom robot calling me telling me I have a voice message. I need to call some 1300 number to listen to the message. Ceeaaah! So, I hang up and continue to be a PIG, it rings again and I ignore them because I thought it was the Telekom robot disturbing me again. Finally I pick it up when I am not so PIG. My girlfriend called and she said she want to install mobilizer to her car.

My brain flashed ‘BIG WOK PROBLEM!’ （大锅！）

Now before I can make sure you read everything, I got to ‘brag’ about myself a bit. (Forgive me, I just want to make sure you read on. If I don’t, what I say won’t have power. It is like why someone need to put a PHD and all sort of qualification shortforms that you can’t understand (PoP, PMM, kld, Cpat…) in their name card so that what he said will has more power and authority than a barber or a pimp.)

I have read over 100 books in the last 4 years. I have read a lot of books on human psychology, sales and marketing. And I have read 5 books on the topic about conman alone (how people cheat and why people get cheated).

Now why it is BIG WOK without asking further?

1. She has been calling so many times, things might have get worst. (洗湿个头了-Hair get wet already)

2. She suddenly want to install something so irrelevant (girls want to buy shoes and dresses or bags but definitely not a car immobilizer!)

3. The car already have an immobilizer!

My guess, someone has approach her and use psychology and sales tricks to influence her. So I ask if a salesman has come to her house. She said yes. Exact guess - 全中.

[If you think I am a genius in order to guess that, you are wrong! Selling car lock, alarm and immobilizer is a con work that is as popular as the lottery con that I write about last time. And these people always aim for students around the campus area. My ex-housemate was a victim when I was studying in Johor.]

Why they are conman?

- Do you need another immobilizer if you already have one? (Do you need another door or engine or wind screen if you already have one?)

- Things that they sell are OVERPRICED! It is like selling you a RM30 Digi prepaid card for RM100. It is like selling you an apple for RM19.90. (It’s exactly what the scratch-lottery 刮刮乐con do， selling you a RM199 foot massager for RM888. Selling you a RM100 water-filter system for RM500. That is water-fish system, not water-filter system.)

— —

I ask her to chase him away immediately but she said he has already ‘install’ something. (If I am not a PIG, this won’t happen. Arggghhh!). So she already get her hair wet. Problem! Problem! Problem! So I asked to talk to the salesman.

We talked and negotiated for more than half an hour! What I want is simple, I want him to remove the things and go away. I never even ask about the price. He go around talking this that, his office is reputable, who who has install this, why the current immobilizer is different than his …　And he keep on using his first trick

“You don’t need to pay anything now! I install it first and you can pay later.”

- This is a fucking good trick because you can’t say you don’t have money anymore because you can even pay by installments!

- Human has a psychology call “the reciprocal rule” (reciprocal means something like in mutual, in exchange,　both party, 互相). If someone give something to us (even something we don’t want), our brain will want us to return a favour (even if we are very unwilling to do so). This is a good psychology most of the time - I help you, you help me. But it can also be used as nasty tricks in sales and marketing.

Example:

There is a religion that is very good in collecting donation. The psychologist try to figure out why they are so good. This is what they do. They will stand in the airport door and wait for people to come out. Once you step outside the gate, they will stuck a rose to your hand telling you it is a gift from their church. Because this is so sudden, you have no choice but to accept it. If you are normal, you will return a smile (you reciprocate with a smile). But that is not enough because he will ask you to donate money to his church (they want you to reciprocate with money). Because you have accepted a gift at first (although you didn’t ask for it), most people will have to make the donation, either willingly or unwillingly. Some people will try to give back the flower but of course they can’t because the church member will insist “No! No! That’s a gift for you.” And what is more interesting, while some church members are in charge of giving away flowers and collecting donations, some others are in charge of collecting the flowers back from nearby rubbish bin! Most of them throw away the flowers 1 minute after making the donation.

So now, if he has install something to you car, can you say you don’t want to pay? (pay later still means need to pay)

And listen carefully again, what he said is -

“You don’t need to pay anything now! I install it first and you can pay later.”

but not

“You don’t need to pay anything now! I install it first and you can pay later. If after you try it and you don’t want it, I will remove it for you and you don’t need to pay a single cent.”

Now that’s make a big differences. The first sentence is a con case and trick case, the second is a more genuine offer with no obligation [tangungjawab, 责任]. Although the second one can create other problems, at least it is better. Malaysia is not like America or Europe where everything is assumed to have minimum 30 days money back guarantee! In Malaysia, all our bills and receipts state “Goods sold are not refundable!” which means “If I caught you as a Waterfish, you got to be a Waterfish forever”.

- The other important psychology is “commitment and consistency”. Commitment and consistently (or congruent) means if you make a promise, you got to keep it. Letting him install the things means you promise to pay. In daily life, having commitment and consistency is very important in dealing with other people.

Examples:

If your father promise to pick you up at the bus stop, usually he will unless there is something catch up. But he will let you know so you can make another plan. He won’t fong-fei-kei (didn’t show up) but watch TV at home while remembering he need to fetch you. And when you come home mad at him, he say ‘I change my mind and I am lazy to inform you’.

If you promised to buy a toy for your son in Christmas, you will buy it (even you regret you make the promise) because you need to be consistent with yourself and show your children your commitment.

— —

Things got very nasty because he don’t want to go away and I don’t want to pay anything. The conversation go very bad (all the mahjong players downstairs of my house can heard me talking so loud upstairs) So he use the second trick. He TURN the table, make me become the BAD GUY and he become the VICTIM.

“Do you think this is fair to me? I have install half and you ask me to remove it. And you have promised to buy before I install it”.

Hu-wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Many people, will get trapped on this one. Remember the ‘reciprocal rule’? I have do something for you (setup half of the thing), and I can’t do it for nothing. You got to give me something back. And remember ‘commitment and consistency’? You have make a promise and you can’t just abandon it. Hit to the death-spot （死穴）of many people like watching Chinese kung-fu film. Jackie Chan 2 fingers hit on the neck, DIE.

Before that, he is the bad guy and we are the victim, we are being lure into buy something overpriced that we don’t need. Now, he turn the table and make you the BAD GUY and he is the VICTIM! How brilliant is that (高招）. Now you start to feel guilty. Thought that it was your mistake. And now you have no choice but to comply with him and let him ‘rape’ you.

Our brain is playing with us (the reciprocal rule and the commitment and consistency).

A senior came by to ‘help’ and he fall trap as well, because his first question to my girlfriend was, “Did you promise him to install that thing?”. His brain is blinded by the ‘Commitment’. Luckily the senior leave for class very soon instead of convincing my girlfriend that the salesman is the VICTIM and she is the BAD GUY!!! Usually people that we think are smarter than us (like our seniors, our parents, old people, professionals and even policeman and politicians) are not!

**Not all commitments and promises are EQUAL. It is based on the Situation. **

If you are a girl. Some bad guy come into your house, caught you and want to rape you by saying “If you try to shout or fight back, I will kill your parents!” (or cut your face, or whatever treats that scare you enough to comply). So you ‘promise’ to be diam-diam [silent] and let him do the thing. IF, at any chance, you are able to get away from the rapist and you can make sure you parents won’t get killed and your face won’t get cut. Will you choose to escape or will you stick with the stupid commitment and promise?

“Yeah, I have promised him to let him fuck so even I can run away, I still need to let him fuck”. BULLSHIT.

Have you ever watch a police vs bad guy film where the robber negotiate something with the police, the police comply (e.g. ransom for hostage). Then both party shake hand and thanks each other for keeping their promises?

George W Bush, “Here is the $1 million dollar you asked as promised.”

Osama Bin Laden, “Thanks! Here is the hostage back to you as promised.”

Mr Bush and Osama shake hand. “Thanks for the cooperation and lets work again together in the future.”

BULLSHIT.

Police won’t keep any promise to robber or terrorist. Their ultimate objective is to make sure the hostage is safe and anything else if part of the skills and tricks. They will shoot and kill the BAD GUY on any chances they have and not focusing on keeping the stupid promises.

The immobilizer ass hole (and other conman and ass holes) is no different than the rapists and robbers. We don’t keep promises with BAD GUY which has begun everything with dirty tricks, lies, sin, dishonest, immoral and illegal acts. Once we know the ass hole is dishonest, every promise is automatically voided. If you promise to let your neighbor drive your car and later find out that he doesn’t have a driving license, can you break back your promise? If you promise a ‘friend’ to carry goods through the airport custom and later noticed that it might be drugs, do you still want to keep your promise?

Lets look at how many dirty tricks, lies, sin, dishonest, immoral and illegal acts that has been done by the immobilizer-ass-hole-with-metal-ass.

- He want to sell us a few metal plates that block the doors from thief for RM488. Negotiated down to RM388 and later RM250. I call my friend that own a car accessories shop. He said this plate cost RM110-RM120 and I can install it in his shop anytime I want. RM488 - RM110 = RM378!!! The last offer price ‘looks cheap’ because you don’t know the market price, your brain compare the price to RM488. If a few metals cost RM488, then Malaysia drunks that steal metals on the street will be millionaire. And how honest can a person be if he can initial sell you something at RM488 and the final price can end at RM250? And you find out the market price is RM110?

- He want to sell an immobilizer that we already have for RM688. If something selling for RM488 is worth RM110 in the market. What will the immobilizer worth? Before that, does 1 car need 2 immobilizer?

- He wear uniform and pretended to be from Perodua. He said he need to check on the Myvi. Because it happens that my girlfriend just serviced the car at a Perodua center last week, she thought it might be a follow up or something. The ass hole ‘check’ on the car and then start talking about the security thing. He then started selling his immobilizer and metals. (While writing this, something spark my brain, it is possible that the Perodua service center ’sold’ car owners information to people like this!)

- He refuse to let us know his name, his handphone number, his office name, address and phone number.

(to be continued…)

p/s Should pay RM250 to install the metal plates to his ass hole!

Our government built the LCC Terminal (Low Cost Carrier Terminal) for Air Asia last year. It took less than a year for Dato Seri Chan Kong Choi to approve the project and have it fully built! A full terminal with terminal run way, car park, McDonald and toilets built in LESS than a year!

Air Asia thanks Chan Kong Choi so much that they advertised a FULL page ‘Thank You Dato Chin’ shoe-rubbing advertisement in all major newspaper, calling him the ‘Minister Of AirLine’ (航空部长）.

Everything looks good from the news, until I went to LCC last November myself. Wow! The LCC is so small and the place is so crowded. Even the toilet is so crowded. Boarding zone are so small that many people have to stand because there are not enough seats. The guard chase you out of the airport once you check-out to make space in the airport (there is no air-con outside of the airport).
And last month, LESS than a year the LCC is launched, Air Asia and Dato Chan announced that current LCC is too small and is not able to support the capacity and extension is required!!!

How come the government could make such a poor decision and planning on this? Shouldn’t they do more research and planning before they decide what to build? We are not playing Sim City, we can’t just demolish a building with a click and build a new one in 1 seconds. Everything cost a lot of $$$$$$$$$$$$ and time.

[Dato Chan & Government playing Sim City 4 by Electronics Arts]

I wrote a very long post (actually longest in my blog) few weeks ago called Why Smart People Don’t Fight Against Prostitution. I also believe it is my greatest post. But I make a silly mistake as a blogger. It was too long. So people just skip it through, but if you do, you miss plenty of jokes. Wahahaha.

April wrote in the comment, “Cool. I like this post very much. Interesting and very true. What about pimps?”

Yeah, the first answer I need to find out is not What about pimps, but What is the meaning of the word ‘pimps’?! Answers.com gives the definition as”One who finds customers for a prostitute”, so that means Bapa Ayam.

Bapa Ayam play a very important role in the Chicken Industry.

1. They protect their girls from abusive customers, especially physical abuse. Some customers think that their RM30 is very big, want to play 6 hours, want to play SM and expect the girl to supply the candles. Some expect to get free gifts like cigarettes and mineral water.

2. They are more aggressive sales man then Citibank Credit Card and Digi! They don’t need a degree in Business and Marketing but they are still able to get customers for you. Depending on the chicken standard, some Bapa Ayam get customers directly from the street (guys that walk in Jalan Bukit Bintang before know what I mean), some uses the newspaper and yellow pages to advertise their massage girls or tour guide, some even got website ahchicken.com.

3. They charge only by commission. So if they can’t get customer for you, you don’t need to pay.

I suggest all credit card salesman and mobile line salesman to consider switching their job to Bapa Ayam since they do almost the same thing. You can get free service some more. Stop asking me what credit card or phone line I used when I go to Jaya Jusco and when I pump petrol! I don’t need another credit card or phone line!

I like to brag the fact that I got 4 of my wisdom teeth when I am 17. So that explain why AhYap is so smart! (cough*cough*)

But finally I realized got wisdom teeth early doesn’t mean you are having wisdom earlier, it only means you can have holes in your wisdom teeth earlier!

Fixed 2 holes in my upper 2 wisdom teeth few days ago. If wisdom teeth really means wisdom, then I really I hope I don’t have any wisdom. Celaka punya wisdom teeth.

Chinese like RED. Chinese New Year is always associated with the color RED. Many even wear RED clothes in Chinese New Year. The stock market in the WHOLE WORLD celebrate Chinese New Year together yesterday with the color RED. So here comes the RED gong xi fa cai from the US Dow Jones.

I watched the whole thing yesterday from 10.30pm at night Malaysia time to 5.00am in the morning. I have to watch because you don’t see this kind of fire crackers so often! The last one was on September 11, 2001 (more than 5 years ago). [The News]
How is it possible that I will know there is a FREE fire crackers show yesterday night? Lilian Too didn’t told me. That was because KLSE drop 3%+ yesterday. For those who are not familiar with the significance of the percentage, a drop of more than 1% in a day is consider a lot. It was 3% yesterday. So I hook up to Yahoo Finance and look at the world indexes. (To go to this page manually, simply go to finance.yahoo.com and look for the first column on your left named Market Summary and click on Indices - World)

Shanghai Composite Index fell 9% in a day. Remember I just told you 1% is SERIOUS? A glance on other indexes in Asia and Europe say the same thing, averaged to 3% drop in almost all exchanges in the world. And because Americans are lazy, they wake up later than Japanese, We (Malaysians) and Europeans (they wake up later not because of lazy lar, it is because the sun reach them later).

Because all stock markets in the world are one big family, waking up late doesn’t mean you can bypass the fortune of other family members. So everyone get ready to dump the stocks when the market open.

Here is what you can learn from Sifu Yap (You can’t learn much from reading The Star Business or Sin Chew Business because they always over-exaggerate on day events to make their news hot and interesting)

1. 9% drop in Shanghai index is a nightmare? Those who believe that when the read the newspaper are blind-leaded. You need to compare 9% to something to make sense. 9% drop in a day will only hurt those who jump into the market recently. Those who buy high and hope to sell higher. If you compare the 9% drop to the 126% increase of Shanghai Index in 2006, it just mean your gain is now 115% (instead of 126%). So what matter is when you enter the market.

People looking at the small picture see this - Shanghai Composite 5 Day Chart.

People looking at the BIG picture see this - Shanghai Composite 1 Year Chart.

2. Another example is our own KLSE index. 3.5% drop yesterday and 3.5% drop today. Is that scary? If you have enter the market in November 2007 (less than 4 months ago) when the index hit 1,000, it get near to 1,300 few days ago. It drop 7% this 2 days. So what? It only matter if you enter the market this month. Those who enter long ago still have a delicious 20% gain.

Your stockbroker, The Star Business, Sin Chew Business, Uncles and Aunties, Grandpa and Grandma see this - KLSE Composite 5 Day Chart.

Intelligent investor, and those who have read my blog and become more intelligent by 0.06% see this - KLSE Composite 1 Year Chart.

3. A stock market correction or bear market, which is scary for your grandma are actually good news for Rule #1 Investor and Warren Buffett disciples. Because it gives us the chance to buy something at a discount price. This is different than the wisdom of most people, who are trying to BUY HIGH and hope to SELL HIGHER. Intelligent investors don’t do that, we (ahem, AhYap *think* he is one) like to go shopping when they are giving BIG discounts.

My wish? I hope the whole market continue to fall so I can stock up my portfolio at discount price. For those who have buy low long ago, they have nothing to worry as well, as their cushion-protection is big enough. Only those who jump into the boat this month will have to lose some sleep and their children get scolded more often.
Phil Town, the guy who set a nuclear bomb in my brain on investing last October with his book Rule #1 is answering my question again today! Gotta love this guy. Here is the post -

Rule #1 Question of the Week: How Do You Calculate the Big 5 After a Merger or Acquisition? (Part I)

Shock! Today NTV7 actually ‘advertise’ and ‘promote’ prostitution for FREE in their famous Edisi Siasat! As you know NTV7 Edisi Siasat is very brave and will dig in an issue very deep. They did it again today digging more about the prostitution in Malaysia.

[Prostitute: Chicken, Ayam, 鸡 that wear shoes]

For people like me who are not brave enough to try the chicken, NTV7 today did a great job to promote it to you and me. Why? Because by watching the show today, you will be fully guided on how to make your first move. They tell you -

1. Exactly the shop and street where you can get the service (with Map! Maybe they get from Google Map?). If you want to get the map and the street name, call NTV7 (they have hotline for Edisi Siasat) or find a way to watch the show again.

2. The market price for the service (which is standard at RM30, the same as 30min Foot Massage at bukit bintang). They have a standardized market price to prevent ugly competition like Digi with Maxis (Digi advertisement music: “I will follow you…” actually Digi want to tell maxis, I will follow your price cut no matter where you go!)

3. As the price suggest, the chicks are not Mat Salleh （鬼妹）and Hong Kong Beauty Pagent (香港小姐), they are mostly local from Sabah, Sarawak and imported from Indonesia, Thailand and Philippines.

4. If you watch the show, you know that the place will be a corridor full of rooms open on the left and right. Doors that are closed means ‘In Action’ or ‘Service Not Available’. Get nearer to the door and you might hear “Kimochi! Kimochi!” (Do you know what is kimochi? wahahahah) If doors are opened, the chicken will sit on the chair, smoking, crossing her leg, wearing sexy bra and short skirt waiting for you (the potential customer).

5. This is Direct Sale, no need to deal with Bapa Ayam (Father of Chicken? Chicken of Father?). You deal directly with the chicken.

But Becareful!!!

Edisit Siasat want to make sure they are really fucking in the room so the have setup hidden cameras in the room to confirm it (they admit it in the show)! Don’t get surprise if you see yourself in the cover of a DVD while shopping for Japan AV at pasar malam. I suggest they titled the VCD ‘Made In Malaysia’ or ‘Malaysia Boleh’.

Now, I know the law don’t allow prostitution, but I don’t think the law allow setting up hidden camera to spy on people having sex! NTV7 thought it is legal to do illegal things for the good?! (Like Robin Hood robbed the rich and gave to the poor)

For me, I think they are afraid that people will say they are making up the story, they need real proof to back it up. So they have to film the real Ramboo actions (those you watch on AV)! So if you want to watch free show, you can try accusing NTV7 making up the story, this way they might let you watch the show to say, “See, Edisi Siasat didn’t lie to you!”

No doubt, NTV7 real intention is to fight prostitution, but for me as a viewer, it’s more like a free promotion to prostitution by giving out these information (like place and price).

———

I read in somewhere that the 2nd oldest job in the world is politician (king, emperor, ketua kampung, ketua puak, general, etc.). Politicians are people who lead people and have more power among their group of people. I think it is correct because when we watch movies that talk about the old time (China Qin Dynasty, The Greece), they are usually war movies where the kings and generals (the politicians) talk about wars. Even there are kings and politicians in Lord of the Rings! So politician is the second oldest career in the history.

Then what is the No.1 oldest job in the world? And baby, that’s prostitution! Prostitution has existed not decades, not centuries, but thousands (millions?) years ago, before Jesus was here, before Buddha was here and before the time of ‘Lord Of The Ring’. Probably the stone age (services are traded with something like a drum-stick instead of money because there are no money! Sistem Barter, remember your history in Form 1?)

If prostitute has existed since the stone age, don’t you think it exists until today for a reason? Why this job didn’t die off? Even farmers are becoming less today compare to 50 years ago. But prostitution exists for thousand years and is still doing very well today!

Now instead of looking at history, we need to look at biology and economics (see the subjects you take in school aren’t rubbish as you think they are).

> BIOLOGY (Form 4) Sistem Pembiakan (Someone who read this please translate Sistem Pembiakan for me to English). [Someone has translated for me - Reproduction System]

Sistem Pembiakan is the system on “How human create more human”. (Huh?) If you don’t know, human is created when a sperm of a man meet an ovum of a woman. 1 sperm + 1 ovum = 1 human. But unfortunately, the school didn’t tell me how to transfer the sperm of a man to the ovum of a woman. Something missing in the process. How a sperm can suddenly find an ovum?! The study material is incomplete (Dato Seri Hishammuddin, can you take a look at this and fix the curriculum?).

Star Wars Episode 7 - Attack of the Sperm

> ECONOMICS - Supply and Demand.

If there is demand, there will be supply! Demand for farmer is less today than 50 years ago, so supply also become less today. Demand for iPod is high today, so supply is also high (There is no iPod 10 years ago). So if demand for SEX increase, supply must also increase! Simple economics.

What if stupid people try to cut out the supply of SEX that is provided via prostitution? Supply become less, Demand get higher, ugly things will happen!

1. Price increased. You no longer can fuck with RM30. You may need RM60 or RM100. Good news for the chicken who survive but bad news for you (the customer).

2. More people get married so they can have sex legally. Nahhhh!!!! Unlikely!!!!

3. More people get raped!!! Demand must be balanced and human must create more human, the loyal customer who obtain SEX via prostitution now may need to consider other way to fulfill their need. Can they blame NTV7 if they rape someone and get caught? “Itu NTV7 lanjiao lar, jika bukan mereka saya boleh settle dengan RM30, sekarang ada duit put tak dapat ayam, lu ingat saya nak rogol ar?”

4. More daughters get raped by their father!!! Last time RM30 can settle clean and fast outside, now RM300 also might not have source! Daughter is FREE and usually dare not fight back. “If you tell your mum I will beat you to death, or beat your mother to death!”

———

Open minded people will be enjoying my bull-shit today. But some people will be quite pissed off because they will say something like, “Prostitute is Unethical”, “God forbid it” and “People should control their sex desire.”

I know! I agree! But you think everyone in this world is as well educated as you ar (or hold strong religion like you ar)? Or more sarcastically, you think everyone in this worlds is as lucky as you, who happens to born in better family, have better school, have better financial situation and have a wife willing to marry you? There are children who parents died or dumped them at young age. There are children who have 15 brothers and sisters which have no attention and love from their parents and no money to buy school uniform. They don’t grow up normally and most of them don’t even go to school, how can you expect them to think as logic and ethic as you?

There are also people who look like an elephant but at the same time god give him the same sex drive like normal people. There are lots of people who are disabled and look like a freak (tiny legs or hands like needle, no nose but got 2 nose hole, cannot walk straight but walk like a crab from left to right the whole life …) and again god didn’t take away their sex drive. So what can they do? Prostitution is the best way to solve their problem cheaply and easily. They only need RM30. They are not greedy and don’t need a Hong Kong pageant, they just want to adjust their biological hormones.

If you still can’t accept that, maybe you can marry them if you are a girl. Or you can marry your daughter to them if you are a man. Or your sister if you have some. If you don’t think so, how do you expect other women, other people sisters and daughter will be willing to marry them?

There are also a lot of fucked up guys that can’t live well in the society. They can’t make enough money for themselves (how can they get a wife?) They might even be the potential crime for many big things like robbing the bank. Raping will be definitely one if they can’t find a better source to adjust their hormones.

———

Now, even for the prostitute herself, there are lots of benefits.

1. Making money, the most important benefit and most important reason why they are doing it. Although they didn’t pay tax, they do contribute to the economy by making and spending money. (She takes her money to buy iPod and the guy who sold her make money, the supplier make money, Steve Jobs make money… chain effect)

2. Helping someone in need! If she is willing to fuck with a man with elephant nose, giraffe neck, horse face and rabbit ear, do you think how thankful this man will be to her? (Ask you girlfriend if she will sleep with you if you look like him.)

Again, they might not be as lucky as you, your parents are not their parents, your schools are not their schools, your husband is not their husband, your work is not their work, and your money is not their money! There are always someone who have no choice and get no help. What if an Indonesian woman who have a child to feed and her boyfriend dumped her? If she told people about that she will be escorted back to Indonesia which is harder to make money and feed the child! She will also be criticized by anyone who know she has a anak haram (illegal child). Some insane people are waiting to stone her to death.

“She shouldn’t have fuck with the Indon guy the first place!” #$%^$%$%^$, I talked so many paragraphs already and you stubborn ass hole still don’t get the point that not everyone is created like you! Go knock at the wall 3 times now before you read on.

Do you know some countries like Singapore have actually legalized prostitution? Yes! If you are a prostitute and when you fill up a form, you can write ‘Prostitute’ or ‘Chicken’ in the occupation field! Cool right? And of course, the bad thing is you got to pay tax and EPF! You also got to make sure you are clean because every 3 months you will have to do a body check-up to make sure you aren’t carrying any STD (Sex Transmitted Disease).

What is good about legalizing prostitution?

- Government have control. They have the statistics and most important, they can get the Tax ($$$).

- Customer feel more safe since a prostitute can show him her recent body check-up record.

- The sex demand always get balanced up by the supply and reduced woman being raped! (Or guys being raped if the rapist watched Brokeback Mountain)

People always do things without really thinking the reason behind it. Why people want to stop prostitution? Because they say it is bad? But how?

Now let me tweak the question to help your stone age brain. You have already read my blog post, now try to figure out what can get VERY WRONG if there are no prostitute in the world?! Not even 1 and not even if you have 1 million dollar! It will be worst than a nuclear war! Guys also need to be careful of their ass hole. Better wear more underwear.

———

Fight Against Drugs! Fight Against War! Fight Against HIV, Poverty and Snatch Thief. Fight Against Blood Diamond! (Guys no need to buy diamond for your woman! My girlfriend will definitely kill me if she read this, shit!)

Just Ignore Prostitution! You don’t need to support nor you need to fight against it, just ignore it unless you don’t know how to spend your RM30. Wahahaha.

Does your brain works fast enough to know what the heck are

ASDF, ASDFG, QWER, QWERT, ZXCV, ZXCVB…

If you can’t, just focus on

ASDF, ASDF, ASDF and ASDF.

or

QWER, QWER, QWER and QWER.

No, these are not alien language. You encounter them almost EVERYDAY. And when you are reading this post, they are right at your fingertips.

Get it?

It’s the characters arrangement on your keyboard!

Have you ever wonder why characters on the keyboard are so screwed up? I have been playing computers for more than 10 years. I have also played with my mum’s stone-aged typewriter. I asked my mum that time, she had no idea. I think my mum is bored on his son who like to ask questions like “Is Superman more geng-chow (kuat! powerful!) or Spiderman is more geng-chow?”, “Is crocodile more geng-chow or shark more geng-chow?” (After watching Steven Spielberg’s robot shark in “Jaws”)

I asked a lot of people why the keys on my keyboard are so screwed up, no one have a clue (maybe people I meet are idiots, as idiots always stick with idiots). Wahahaha.

People don’t care much about this, just like people don’t wonder why when we talk with our mobile phone our voice can fly from Ipoh to KL. We don’t care because if we need to know how everything works before we can use it, we can’t do a lot of things. We can’t drive a car (Quiz: your car got how many cylinders?), we can’t switch on the light (Quiz: How many electrons are required to emit 42.5Watt of Fotons to light up your room? Answer: around 5,451,265,895,154,156,582). So, like other people, I keep on using the keyboard without knowing why the B is not next to the A!

Today, I am so happy to find out who screw up our keyboard! The story go like this…

In 1873, they invented the typewriter (1873 - I’m not born yet, my mum not born yet, my grandpa not born yet, and sorry I don’t know who is my grand-grand-pa). The problem with the typewriter was if you typed too fast, the keys stuck! So the boss said, “No one will buy the typewrite if the keys stick!” So he asked his R&D team to solve the problem.

[I hope you are old enough to touch a typewriter. The typewriter can only accept 1 key at a time, if you hit 2 keys together or type too fast, the mechanic parts of the 2 keys will stick/jam and you can't type anymore until you un-stick the keys manually]

A brilliant R&D member (as brilliant as AhYap) came up with a brilliant idea.

“Boss, We got it solved!”

“Our typewrite can type faster now?”

“No, it’s still the same. But we can keep the keys from sticking by forcing people to type slower!”

“Apa Lanjiao You Cakap?” (What do you mean?)

“All we have to do is hide the letters on the keypad. We’ll put A up here, B down there, we’ll stick C up here, we’ll put Q there… like that, no body can type fast! Because they will need to hunt for the letters before they can type!”

“Wahahahaha! Let’s do it. Let’s screw up our customers and have fun!”

This is an update to my favorite post How To Bribe A Police.

Disclaimer: Everything here didn’t happen in real life but only happen in my dream.

I paid a hefty tuition fee on finding those knowledge. Here is the breakdown.

1. RM30 - 1 police (Break Rule #1 - Look like a Virgin.)

2. RM100 - Real saman after discount (Break Rule #2 - Refuse to Talk because they accused me of speeding. RM100 is a small price. The big price is feeling upset for the next few months for being accused of something that I didn’t do!)

3. RM50 - 2 police (This one damn pain, already negotiate to RM20 in 5 mins but don’t have small note. Thus in my guide there is a special solution to this.)

4. RM15 - 2 police (Follow all the rules. Settle in less than 5 mins with a handshake and laughter. Win Win. No need to upset. No need to lose big money)

New Method Learned From My Friend - Settle Faster While Paying Less Without Talking!

My friend get caught by a police using handset while driving. His mum is beside him. The police asked for IC and driving license. While my friend wanted to give him those documents, her mum said, “Just give him RM5!”. My friend was *shocked*. Shocked for 2 reasons - “So Fast?” and “RM5 so little only?”. But he indeed just gave RM5 instead of giving his IC and driving license without any talking and negotiation! The police is unsatisfied (shown in face) but his mum just say, “Boleh lah, Boleh lah”. The police then go away.

* RESPECT *

1. 姜是老的辣 (Old people are smarter)

2. 一山还比一山高，强中自有强中手 (There is always someone better than you)

This post is dedicated to Shar who seems like the only one who read my whole blog!

Sometimes I can be very rude, as long as I don’t have the RISK of getting killed!
A hosting company suspended my account long ago accusing me of sending SPAM email. Hell, I didn’t even send out email using that account. They accused me of spamming which I didn’t do. They suspended my account and took all my money! Do you know how it feels when someone accused you of something that you didn’t do?

Yesterday, their system send me an INVOICE asking me to renew my account!

> We would like to notify you that you have a new invoice which has been generated for services you purchased from [Cibai Company], and that we will automatically re bill your Debit or Credit Card on the due date.

This is of course a mistake because my account is already suspended. So for fun, this is what I replied (remember I won’t get killed or punched in the eye by doing this)

> Due your fucking head. You suspended my account by simply accusing me of spamming and now you dare to send me an invoice. Go fuck yourself off.

Wahahahaha. I really do that for fun and not for anger. They deserve that. I didn’t expect them to reply but they did!

> And a merry Xmas to you to. Maybe you should not send SPAM then, but obviously you would not understand that seeing as how rude you are.

Wahahahaha. I am so happy because I can reply again and have fun. Here is it.

> Don’t talk cock to me. I know I am rude but for you, that’s way too kind to you. You and your cock company accused me of SPAMMING which until today you still wanna say I did it without giving any sound proof. You suspend an innocent man account and take his money unethically and now you say I should be kind to you? Now go Fuck in Christmas.

Wahahahaha. Don’t do that if that person is standing 2 feet away from you. You will get killed and if you are lucky and still survived, your ass hole will probably resized from o to O.

Life is fun! Again, WAHAHAHAHAHA!

The first book I read about stocks is “How to make money in the Stock Market for IDIOTS”. Wahahahaha. I read that book 3 years ago in 2003. It is really an idiot book and do give me (the idiot) an introduction about the stock market. But it didn’t teach me how to make money like the book title says. I don’t recommend this book to anyone even if you strongly believe that you are an idiot. (this book make you an idiot instead of teaching idiot)

Later I went to a RM400 introduction seminar on Technical Analysis organized by iCapital.biz (they have a column in the newspaper and now they manage a close-end fund listed in KLSE with the symbol ICAP). I got introduced to technical analysis and find it very interesting. It is about stock market charts and how you can make money by looking at them! The speaker show you some charts with technical analysis indicators and tell you, “You buy here, sell here, buy again here, sell here … and see how much money you make!”. Cool!

Later I bought a Technical Analysis book from Amazon called “Technical Analysis for the Financial Market” by John J Murphy. They claimed that Mr Murphy is the father of technical analysis. The book does cover a wide range of technical analysis indicators, so much that I didn’t complete the book. And because of the wide coverage, I personally think that the explanation on each indicators is insufficient. Personally, I do not recommend this book as well.

I traded in the KLSE stock market in 2004 as an idiot using Maybank2u. But this little idiot did make some good money by picking the hot stocks! It seems like whichever stock I picked, it made money! I thought I am very smart (a virgin in stock market that makes money, if it is not smart then it is what?). Note: I didn’t use any analysis (even technical analysis) or method or system in picking my stocks, I only use my feeling. Something like, “I feel like this stock is good, so I buy”.

But what I didn’t realize was that in 2004, it is a BULL market due to the coming 2004 general election! (They say that when election is near, the politician party will push up the market to get cash for their political campaign, they ‘fry’ the stock market).

When Barisan National win big in the election, stock market shoot up like rocket and I sell all my holdings, cashing in my money. After I sold my stocks, Datok Seri Najib was elected as the deputy Prime Minister and the stock market immediately shoot up another level to the moon. Since I already sold my stocks, I didn’t get any money from Mr Najib!

And because I’ve made some good money in the stock market, I thought making money is really that simple. And because I miss out Mr Najib’s big money because I sold too early, I feel bad and want to ‘revenge’. I want to make back MY money! Wahahahaha! So I continue to buy stocks after the election.

I open a new OSK trading account to get a better trading platform. I bought 8 stocks based on hot news on newspaper, hot tips from the internet forum and maybank2u staff. They are all active counters, which means HOT counters, counters that when you watch news on TV, they will appear at the end of the news as the 10 most active stocks of the day. Stocks that people are most interested in at that time.

Let’s look at my portfolio and my performance!

1. CAMERLYN - Bought $1.09 Sold $1.005 (-8%) in 3 months. Buy because internet forum say it is going to be ‘fry’ by big boss.

2. MHOUSE - Bought $1.90 Sold $1.64 (-14%) in 3 months. Don’t know why I buy. zzz.

3. KRNSOFT - Bought $1.10 Sold $0.91 (-17%) in 3 months. Buy because it keep going up like no tomorrow.

4. LIQUA - Bought $2.27 Sold $1.85 in 1 day (-19%) . Buy because it is the hottest stock at that time and it is ‘fry’ to very high.

5. SCOMI - Bought $1.70 Sold $1.45 (-15%) in 6 months. Buy because it keep going up like no tomorrow and it is Pak Lah’s son company.

6. LIONIND - Bought $1.88 Sold $1.44 (-24%) in 2 months. Buy because newspaper say it is going to rise to the moon.

7. LIONCOR - Bought $1.71 Sold $1.36 (-21%) in 2 months. Buy because newspaper say it is going to rise to the moon.

8. PWORTH - Bought $1.20 Sold 1.01 (-16%) in 2 weeks. Don’t know why I buy. zzz.

I want to cry. I lose a lot of money including everything that I’ve made before the election. Wasn’t it making money from the stock market easy? Hmm….What if I don’t sell my holdings and hold it until today? Since they say we need to be long term investor and if we didn’t sell, we didn’t lose any real money and it will recover one day! Let’s take a look at their price now if I didn’t sell (after 2 years).

1. CAMERLYN - $2.56 (+134%)

2. MHOUSE - $0.72 (-63%)

3. KRNSOFT - $0.08 (-93%) wahahahaha! Waiting to file for bankruptcy.

4. LIQUA - $0.255 (-89%) wahahahahha!

5. SCOMI - $0.96 (-44%)

6. LIONIND - $0.93 (-51%)

7. LIONCOR - $0.59 (-65%)

8. PWORTH - $0.72 (-40%)

Now if you look at that, I am consider very lucky! For those who hold on to their stock until today, there is no chance at all that they will recover! This happens to my mum and dad and grandmother who refuse to sell and hold it until today! All their hard earned money is gone FOREVER. They hold rubbish stock for more than 10 years, buy them at all-time-high and now at their all-time-low. They still say things like ‘we are long term investor’, ‘if we didn’t sell, the lost is only on the paper and it is *still* possible to recover’… This is called ignorant and ignorant can cause you all your money. I lost 20% of my money which is already very PAIN.

Imagine if I pretend that nothing happen by closing one eye? This is LIQUA 3-year chart until today.

Look at how the stock being ‘fry’ from below $1 to above $2 in a short period of time? Many people get greedy (including me) and want to be part of the craze to make BIG money. I got in at $2.27 and got out at $1.85 the next day because of panic selling. Lost 19% in 1 day! The stock recover the next day and many people get in again. 1 weeks later, the stock crashed from above $2 back to below $1 in 2 days. if you buy at $2 and sell it at $1, you lost 50% of your money. If you sell it at $0.50, you lost 75%. If you sell it today at $0.255, you lost 88%!

In simple mathematics, if you have $10,000 and you lost 50%, you left $5,000. And you need to gain a full 100% to just BREAK EVEN! If you put that money in 4% annual fixed deposit, it will need 18 years for it to get back to $100,000! Even if the bank pays you 10% annual return, you still need 8 years! (compounding returns)

I end my story today with Warren Buffet’s 2 rules of investing. He is the 2nd richest man in the world as an investor and you really need to listen to what he has to say about investing!

Rule #1 - Don’t Lose Money!
Rule #2 - Don’t Forget Rule #1!

Remember that!