Hell! Where is the other half of Malaysia? Where is the Dog Head? Where is the Cat (Kuching)? Malaysia has only the banana left!

If our politicians see this, they would say, “It is OK to lost Sabah Sarawak because we are still better than Indonesia because they lost hell lots more islands then us!”.

This is what our politicians do all the time. This is called the compare game. When there is something bad, they will compare it to something worst to make that thing ‘look’ good. When there is bocor (leakage), they say it is good because it didn’t runtuh (collapse).

But when it comes to self-interest things, they forget to compare to something worst but instead compare to something better. Like when it comes to their salary, they forget to compare to the Africans who don’t even have food to eat, but they want to compare to Singapore’s Prime Minister (USD $2 million/year). When the Goverment gives him a free Perdana, he compares his Perdana with Ferrari (instead of my Iswara).

And then when we tell them how fuck up Streamyx is, they will tell us many Africans don’t even have TV! (now they remember the Africans) Why don’t they compare to Singapore, Japan and USA?

When you tell them the Toll price is very expensive, they will show you a report with a list of countries that pay more expensive Toll, i.e. comparing to something worst so our toll price ‘look’ good now. When you tell them Petrol is very expensive, they put up BIG bill board all over Malaysia and advertise in all newspapers telling us we actually pay cheap because they subsidize us, i.e. comparing to something worst, in the case if they DON’T subsidize us. Why they don’t compare to Brunei that charges 50 cents a litre?

Understand how politicians play the compare game now?

Your parents play that too. When you ask the President of the house (not Abdullah Badawi but your dad) why he drive a Proton instead of a BMW, he will tell you many people can only ride a bike! When you ask the First Lady (not Jeanne Abdullah but your mum) why she can’t cook like Iron Chef, she will tell you many woman don’t even know how to cook.

BUT THEN….

When you get #2 at school the politicians of the house (again, not Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah but your mum and dad!) compare you to the #1 student and ask you why you didn’t get #1! They forget to compare to the 356 people who is worst then you.

When you score 99 marks in your Math, they compare you with the full score 100 and ask you why you didn’t get 100 but only 99! They forget to compare to 98, 97, 96 …. 3, 2, 1 & 0.

So the next time when the politicians in your house compare you to something better, you just asked “Why Ah Meng’s father drove a Benz and you drove a Proton?”, “Why Ali’s house got swimming pool and we don’t even have a 2nd storey?”

I promised they will kick your ass and ask you to sleep outside the house. Then you can compare sleeping in your small room vs sleeping outside the house with mosquitoes. Wahahahaha.

[Thanks Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah for participating in my story.]

Question: Guess what’s happening at the Shanghai Airport?

Hints: Sammy Vellu, JKR, Malaysia High Court, Parliament Building

Answer: BOCOR! (Leakage)

China Boleh! Shanghai Boleh! Malaysia Boleh!

1. Kinokuniya Book Store. Wahahaha. I am in KL now and will be going there tonight. I just go and see-see-look-look-smell-smell (I like to SMELL new books just like girls like to SMELL their shampoo and bath gel before they buy). Won’t really buy lots of books because buying books is easy but reading is painful (lots of time and energy)! So smell-smell is good enough.

Side note: for those who can invent a device that allows me to transfer all the information in a book to my brain within minutes, I will pay you 10 times the value of each book that I want to install to my brain. But I don’t want to kena electric shock and poke holes and wires on my body. Make it wireless please.

2. Beijing Olympic 2008, Opening Ceremony, Badminton and Rugby! I hope that Malaysia can win the very first Gold medal in badminton. Rugby is fun because you still got to MOVE FORWARD when 3 people are pulling youl.

3. Ice skiing! Prefer to go the US but I don’t think they will let me in because I look like a terrorist. Wahaha. And I am also an options trader. You need to declare if you are an options trader when you enter US (via the immigration form). Options trader are considered as potential terrorist by the US government. Osama Bin Laden bombed the World Trade Center on September 11. He bought a lot of PUT options at the same time (PUT options make money when stock market crashed). When the 2 towers came down, the US stock market also came down. So Osama made a lot of money to pay his employees and fund his R&D department. See, Osama is a very smart businessman too!

So I think I will have no choice but to choose Canada. Can’t pick UK because of their expensive UK Pound (7 Ringgit baru dapat 1 Pound, Celaka) and I really cannot tahan their slang. They speak with their nose! Pain become Pan, Year become Yee (1 yee, 2 yees), Fear become Fee (Fee Factor), ‘Are You Sure’ become ‘Are you Sor’, Malaysia become Mar-lai-siar… zzz

4. Pulau Pangkor. What the fuck! Pulau Pangkor?! Not French Polynesia, not Maldives, not Seychelles and Not Fiji? Yes, you are damn right, it is Pulau Pangkor that I want to introduce to you.

Come on. It is Visit Malaysia 2007! Have some support for Pulau Pankor. The pictures I show you are Pangkor Laut Resort. And I know your mind is still mumbling, “What the fuck, Pulau Pankor?!!!”. While you are still mumbling, please note that their room rates start from USD 275++ to USD 825++. Or you can book up special areas in the island for your own private use. Rates are between USD 8,000 to USD 14,000 for 3 nights.

Oh, by the way USD stands for United States Dollar and all prices are subject to 10% service charge and 5% goverment tax. Complete rates table are available here.

Now only you know you are god damn poor. Wahahahaha.