Deriving the Rule of Happiness (IQ Not Required)
Oct 26th, 2009 by AhYap
Weird enough, our brain really knows nothing other than comparing. Or should we say everything has a “meaning” only if we are able to compare it with something else.
East means nothing if there is no West. Woman means nothing if there is no man. Tall means nothing when there is no short.
When you say something is cold, it is because you compare it with something that is hotter.
[If you hold a snake or lizard, yucks, it is cold to you but it is hot to them!]
When you say it is on the east, it is because you are standing on the west. You are comparing it to where you are standing.
[If you ride a rocket up to the space where you can’t see the earth anymore, where is EAST? Where is WEST? Where is UP and where is DOWN?]
You say “this is woman” and “that is man” because we compare their … … type of fruits?
— —
Since now we know everything is about comparing (the old Chinese masters caledl it yin yang) we can now use it to derive our rule of happiness and hope that we can be “happily ever after”. First we start with 2 observations.
Observation #1
If we compare ourselves to someone richer, we feel poorer and thus unhappy. On the other hand if we compare ourselves to someone poorer, we feel richer and thus more happy!
De deeeeeeeeennnnnnggggggggggggg!
And then,
Observation #2
If “what we want” is more than “what we have”, we feel unfulfilled and unhappy. On the other hand if “what we have” is more than “what we want”, we feel very fulfilled and happy!
De de de deeeeeeeeennnnnnggggggggggggg!
So using this 2 basic observations, we can derive the formula/rule of happiness.
Rule #1
To feel rich and happy, always compare yourself with someone poorer than you! (~don’t laugh!~)
Rule #2
Always make sure “what you want” is so little that “what you have” looks like a lot!
— —
Is this a joke? Isn’t this sounds like cheating yourself?
No it is not a joke. And Yes, it is cheating! It is a mind trick. Since we know how the mind works, we try to trick it. Just like how we trick people do to what we want by offering them choices.
And who cares if it is cheating or a trick? All we need to know is that it works! The ancient Indians and ancient Chinese has been using this philosophy since a few thousand years ago! [Unfortunately, “smart” people today who are supposed to be “smarter” than ancient people seems to forgot about this ancient wisdom]
If you score 99 in you test, you can be unhappy if you compare yourself to those scoring 100. Even if there is no one scoring 100, you can still be unhappy focusing on the 1 mark you didn’t get.
If you are second in the whole school, you can be unhappy if you compare yourself to the first, even if that is Harvard or Oxford.
If you are Warren Buffett (the second richest man on earth), you can still be unhappy because you compare yourself to Bill Gates (the richest man on earth)
On the other hand, you can be happier than Bill Gates if all you want is to watch 8TV and eat strawberry.
You see, why we are suffering today is because we set different rules based on the same observations. Thanks to all the bestselling motivation and “You can be rich” type of books. Thanks to the instant idol reality programs. Thanks to the few instant internet millionaire story that we heard from Google, Facebook and now Twitter (which get rich faster and faster)!
Unfortunately, we all (including the “motivators”) set the wrong rules. What rules?
Based on Observation #1, if we compare ourselves to someone richer, we feel poor and unhappy. So they set their Rule #1 (their solution to observation #1) as
Their Rule #1 (probably yours too)
To avoid feeling poor and unhappy, make yourself richer and richer so everyone else is poorer than you!
And then to tackle observation #2, they set their Rule #2.
Their Rule #2 (probably yours too)
In order to get “what we want”, we must increase “what we have” (double/triple/1 million dollar/4 wives…)!
Yep, it works too. Same observations, same problems but different solutions/rules/mindset.
But the problem?!?
Why so many celebrities who seems to have everything in the world, take drugs or even suicide (or die of drug overdosed)? Remember Ko Ko Alan Cheung? Remember Michael Jackson? Remember the Joker in Batman? Why do people like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, which is supposed to be our role models, are always linked to drugs?
The problem is that when we set the wrong rules and go the opposite direction, what we get is not happily-ever-after but never-ending-suffering.
You see, at the moment you thought you need to be richer than somebody, or to have x amount of money before you can be happy, you can’t be happy right now. Then you thought you need to change that. Instead of using the “dirty” trick by comparing to someone poorer or reduce the x amount to y so you have more “what you have” than “what you want” that can happened right now, you decided to put your happiness into the future.
You do what you are “taught” by the books/society/parents/teacher. You try to tackle it with the “normal” ways that other people do. You want to make more money than the person that is richer than you. And you set your financial goal to x amount of money “you want” in the future that you don’t have right now.
Whether you reach your goal or not, you have made a decision. You have made a decision to put your happiness into the future in exchange with suffering, unfulfillment and unhappiness right now. You work hard for the “future,” hope that one day you can be happy in the “future”. You suffer now.
But then 2 things can happen. The future never comes and you live your entire live in full regrets. Or the future came and you hit your “ultimate” goal. But what’s next? After 30 years of fighting and struggling, you finally made it. You open up a RM48,888 champagne to celebrate with your wife (or mistress since your wife might be too old for you at that time), buy a big bungalow with 20 rooms and 40 maids and park 20 Porsches in front of your house to show the guy that used-to-be richer than you that have “motivated” you the last 30 years.
Then what? Because of 30 years of hard root conditioning to your brain, it is now WIRED (or a better word “FUCKED”!)! Your “mind” is “set”! You now have a “mindset” that can be driven only by unhappiness and goal, you won’t be able to stop that! You won’t be able to get happy!
A trained muscle is very hard to be untrained if you do it wrongly! A kid who is a virgin has no experience in badminton can easily be trained to be a world champion rather than an OK-OK player who has been practicing and playing with the wrong tactics! The same goes to the conditioning of your brain and all the wiring of your brain neurons (Once it is fucked, DHA and EPA can’t help anymore,they call it “Fucked up brain”)!
After so many years of “practicing”, it becomes a habit. You can’t just stop after you reach your goal and be happily-ever-after! You have been living in the “suffering now for the future mode” for so long and when the “future” really comes, you can’t experience it because of your poor habit, there is no “now” but only “future”!
So maybe after 2 weeks of fulfillment and satisfaction, your will get uncomfortable and unhappy again (like Robert Kiyosaki having a vacation in Fiji Island after he is “free” but can’t even finish his planned vacation and have to return earlier!). For the last 30 years, you never really learn how to be happy. Your “happy” software is not installed in your “brain”. The software you installed, based on the 2 rules you set earlier, is to always compare with someone better than you!
De deeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggggggggg!
So after 2 weeks, you will start back your old routine, your old habit. You simply can’t stop. The momentum is so big, the brain is so fucked up. So now, you find someone even richer and compare yourself to him. You “enjoy” being “unhappy” again. You increase your “what you want” from x to 1,000 times x so you need a higher “what you have” to make yourself happy. You set new goals only to curse yourself more, to a never ending stream of suffering. You live again in the “future”, expecting one day you will be happy. Unfortunately,
To be HAPPY, it is not in the future. It is RIGHT NOW.
— —
Homework #1
Find 6 people (friends/relatives/neighbors/enemies…) that are poorer than you and remind yourself everyday that you are richer than them!
[If you end up being 1 of the 6 that is selected by your friends, be proud because you just make someone happy! 
Bill Gates will even envy you because he can’t serve that role, no one can put him in their list!]
Homework #2
Take out your bank account book, divide the balance by 2 and set it as the amount “you need” to be happy. And remind yourself that anytime you have that amount, you are happy.
[If you account balance drop, divide it again by 2 to get a new “what you need” but on the other hand, don’t increase it when you have more money so your “what you need” is always kept at a low base, making you “richer and richer” in the future]
— —
It sounds very “ugly” and “unethical” but it is definitely a better alternative than to set up painful goals such as “I want to be richer than you” or “I want to make more money .”
Of course, we do have more “beautiful” spiritual ways to attain even better results, which is the “no comparing” method which should be our ultimate goal in the future. If you don’t need to compare, how do you know if you are rich or poor?! It is even more powerful and effective because you don’t even need to “think”!
But since our mind still like to think a lot and compare a lot, it is a difficult to stop comparing right now, but it is easier to change the object of our comparison right now. So we try to cheat by changing the object of our comparison, by selecting something “better” to compare with! And “mind” you, cheating the “mind” works! Even this method is “lower standard” like Proton, it is still a car dude!
Mummy Dog and her Bibi Doggie
Bibi doggie keep chasing its own tail but no matter how fast he “spin”, bibi doggie still can’t reach his tail!. The mummy dog tells her bibi, “You don’t need to chase your tail because you will never get it! But it’s already with you RIGHT NOW, no matter where you go, it will follow you”.
Oh, by the way, your last homework -
Homework #3
Leave me a comment if you like, dislike or even ‘no comment’ about this post. Do you really have a choice?
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I think it’s our instinct to compare things which is a strong force will drive us from satisfaction to greed! Somehow, i do agree with you most of us will not seems enough with what we have but i think is the fear of losing (your status,fame,reputation,financial status*eg) which make us fall deeper.
Anyway, this post is inspiring =) and happy b’day to my mama and i miss u so much
A very good trick to diver the way of release pressure.
Some people will call this as excuses of losers, especially those success LCLY guys..
But this can’t be taken as a standard to live forward, not in the current age because you can’t survive if you’re not equipped with necessary sense of comparison.
Human are born to take pressure, risk, stress or troubles so that they can create a better world for future. (This not for their own satisfication but they did in the sake to benefit the mankind)
The odd rules that you mentioned at first are still able to carry out the happiness to man who paid a hard work into it.. But what measure here is not the result but the process that they went through it..
Just a little share!
That’s nice! Actually social psychology, the same thing is said, to keep our self-esteem up, downward comparison is required! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not bragging, it’s not selfish; it’s perfectly sane!
hahaha….i like your post..
No wonder you said you like ‘The power of Now’ so much. I think the basis of the book is sound, but I still have some reservations on the author undergoing an ‘instant awakening’.
Great post. A great distillation of the recommended books.
hmm..i think you have just summarized everything about “happiness comes from within”. Just wonder, when you get “richer” and happier, what do you do next? as in, what should I do/focus after that? since we are all almost with a “fucked up brain” already
I think, rules are the main problem we have. As if we do not have enough of them already (crappy shit like speed limit), Now we are embedding them into our lives? Rules are good if it helps. To many rules will leads to rigid humans (everything is regulated ie everyone wants to be rich and powerful ). Sooner or later we will only have 1 goal and the earth become stereotype. seems impossible think again
1. Male will only have 1 goal : COD as much until he dies, and fuck loads of women especially lin zhi ling b4 they die, then lin zhi ling will be so doom.
2. Female will only wish menstruation never exist.
The more people wants to be in control and be extremely powerful. The nearer we move towards cloning (end of world to me). you like that idea now? u want what u want and wish people to eat your shits? then in the future only your face is surviving in the surface of earth. nothing else.
there are no recipe to happiness. It is all about perspective and perception. The day you know whether or not you are truly happy is the day you die.
am always fun reading your writing! hahah! keep it going~
I think “instant awakening” is like “tipping point”, you practice practice practice practice, and then BOOOMMM, one day, you “instantly” awaken.
Honestly to unfuck our brain, we also need to practice practice practice and practice until BOOMMMM, one day, our brain is unfucked (become virgin again) our original state.
Mr. Yap..you are so genius..i’ll start changing my way of thinking.TQ sir.
Do you read 59 seconds think a little change a lot ?
> Do you read 59 seconds think a little change a lot ?
Nope. Good book?
Well, i not yet buy it as it is around rm70 @@ . Seen that you read a lot of book , i though you might have read this as well and can give some opinion =) . It is recommend as a good book in some forum , they mention that after reading this book , it will save you from spending too much time/$$ on other ‘motivational’ books.
y eat strawberry ? LMAO
I think the crux of the matter to know what one really wants and what is important. if going after what we want is jeopardising our priorities; that it is no longer a viable pursuit. Nonetheless, i enjoy reading your post. Thanks for sharing.
I like to go for happy hour after work (drinking in the pub) almost everyday. Been drinking for many years (bad habit). Spend half of my earnings to this bad habit. I have tried to quit but the local pub I hang out drinking is just 5 minutes drive from my house and I have to pass by that pub everyday after work. Every time I told myself to go home after work but always ended up turning my car into the car park to the pub. Every time I limit myself for only 2 beers then go home but ended up with 6-8 beers. Pocket burn!
One day I did a little mind trick to myself, as usual after work I’ll drive home, but this time 20m before I pass by that pub I’ll tell myself.. I’ll go for a couple of drink! Let’s go home to have a shower first, perhaps a hydrating facial mask and a new make-up…
guess what happen? I always ended up sleeping or watching DVD at home. I know myself very well, once I reach home and had shower, I’ll never want to go out! So a little mind trick works! Now I have stop drinking for 3 months. I learn to do this before I read your blog..