Nov 20th, 2009 by AhYap
The Following Story is Fictional and Does Not Depict Any Actual Person or Event
There is a political party known as “Make Chinese Angry” (MCA in short).
The party was broken into 2 forces lead by Kong (president) and Chuah (deputy president).
Kong didn’t like Chuah (because Chuah is 60 but still got a young chick?)
Kong kept Chuah at sideline even he is officially voted as the deputy president.
Chuah was not assigned any minister post in cabinet.
Chuah felt like a bangla working in a toilet in AEON Kepong.
Chuah boiled to 70 degree Celcius.
Kong never stopped. Kong attacked Chuah again and again publicly.
Chuah boiled to 90 degree Celcius, feeling like a gigolo that get paid only RM25.
Later, Kong chopped down Chuah head by sacking him from MCA and remove his deputy president post!
The excuse given was that Chuah let “his friend” sucked his cock 3 times in a single day.
Chuah boiled to 10,000 degree Celcius!!!
Chuah said, “Tiger doesn’t fight and you thought I am a sick cat?!” [老虎不发威你当我病猫?]
Tiger Chuah challenged King Kong with an EGM. King Kong accepted the challenge.
2,300+ MCA delegates needed to vote for 3 resolutions.
Resolution #1 – No Confidence against King Kong .
Resolution #2 – Restore Tiger Chuah as MCA member.
Resolution #2 – Restore Tiger Chuah as Deputy President.
The fight between Kong and Chuah was 50-50 because both command half the empire.
Fearless Kong announced publicly many times that if he is voted out, he will resign.
Like Manchester vs Liverpool, this war is much anticipated.
Manchester fans want Manchester to win. Liverpool fans want Liverpool to win.
It is either you die or I die. One hill cannot have 2 tigers.
2,307 delegates voted on 10 – 10 – 09.
Resolution #1 – Passed! No Confidence to Kong ! By a margin of only 14 votes (0.61%!)
Kong said, “Fucked!”
Tiger Chuah smiling, “Kekekekekeke!”
Resolution #2 – Passed! Tiger Chuah is restored as MCA member. By a margin of 109 votes (4.7%)
Kong said, “FUCKED!”
Tiger Chuah laughing, “HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
It looked like King Kong have to step down and surrender his kingdom to Chuah.
Resolution #3 – Failed! Tiger Chuah is NOT restored as deputy president! By a margin of 74 votes (3.2%)
Tiger Chuah, “WHAT THE FUCKED?!”
Isn’t this suppose to be you die or I die?
How come it ended up both die?
If Kong has to step down and Chuah is not restored his leadership, that means both lost in the war.
It is like both Manchester and Liverpool are disqualified for the championship.
“No one” expected these results (actually some are expecting it!).
They call them the third force.
Chinese says, “Bird fight with clam, fisherman get both!” [鹬蚌相争，渔人得利]
Clam taking naked sun bath.
Bird came to kiss sexy clam.
Clam kissed back bird’s plastic mouth.
Both engaged in French kissing.
Fisherman came, took both home to cook soup.
The fisherman is the third force.
But no one knew exactly who is the fisherman in MCA.
What is the motive of the fisherman? There were 2 guesses.
Guess #1 – Some “hero” members wanted to rescue MCA. They wanted to remove both problematic leaders to solve the fight of the party. Which is a good motive.
Guess #2 – The fisherman wanted to “borrow force” to become the new king. Which is an ugly motive.
The fisherman never show up. So everyone thought it “must” be Guess #1.
Tiger Chuah asked Kong to honor his words and resign.
But good movies always have many turning points and surprises.
If the first surprise is the poll results, the second “unexpected” is the thickness of Kong ’s face.
Kong decided not to resign!
But you can’t blow him. According to the constitutions, he can only be removed by over 66.6% votes.
Not By 50.4%!
Chuah very unhappy.
But King Kong is unhappy too.
He is heavily criticized. He no longer could show his usual ego face.
Later Kong promoted Leow (his first general in his Kong Gang) to become the deputy president.
He thought General Leow is in his “team”.
Leow is supposed to be Kong’s man.
But General Leow is not happy!!!
Leow asked Kong to respect the results of the votes.
The results ask both leaders “to go”.
Later Leow became impatient.
The “asking” became “attacking”.
Leow attacked Kong of not keeping his promise.
He also attacked Kong as being crazy for power.
Kong said Leow is not loyal and thankful to him.
General Leow is supposed to be in Kong’s gang, who is supposed to pledge full loyalty to the King (Kong).
But the truth is, while the King just lost a battle, his general is hungry for his seat!
If King Kong and Tiger Chuah step down, Leow, as the first general will be automatically selected as the new King!
The funny thing is, in all pictures and TV appearances, Leow was showing his upset face all the time due to the lost of his gang (Kong’s gang).
But deep inside his heart, he is just too excited to be the new king!
But he need to change his spectacles because he didn’t notice the thickness of Kong’s face earlier.
There is a high probability that General Leow is the real fisherman (even he is not, he will be assumed as).
It make all sense for him to betray his King in the EGM!
If his King is still in power after the EGM, he is still the general.
If his King and his enemy lose, he becomes the King!
Even if the enemy win, he won’t lose big too since he can simply joins the enemy.
So it is either a win, win a bit or WIN BIG!
All he needs is a few people to vote away Kong and Chuah to win BIG.
Maybe he is not smart enough to come out with this himself.
Some some smarter players must have teach him this “borrow knife to kill” strategy. [借刀杀人]
[The note wrote, “Stupid Dog, By Cat”]
If he win, it is like winning without fighting. [不战而胜]
If no one expected the thickness of King Kong ’s face, no one would have expected the next turning point.
King Kong and Tiger Chuah decided to join force!
After their mortal combat, they actually decided to do real French kissing!
Everyone’s spectacles drop to the floor. (including AhYap’s)
General Leow’s gang is very unhappy!
The tasty popiah is just beside his lips and now it is gone!
As I say, even he is not the fisherman, he is still doing what fisherman does.
He continued to attack Kong asking him to “respect” the votes.
And funny enough, Kong and Chuah said they are “respecting” the votes!
49.5% of the votes is supporting Kong and 48.1% of the votes is supporting Chuah.
Combined, 97.6% is supporting Kong and Chuah!
While it looks funny, it does make sense (and creativity).
Another creativity came from Tiger Chuah’s party post.
Is he still the deputy president? But General Leow is already promoted to that post.
Rules are dead. People are alive.
Who got power, who talks.
They interpret the EGM resolutions “creatively”.
Since resolution #2 restored Chuah’s party membership, it means his post as deputy president will be automatically restored and thus resolution #3 is pointless and can be voided.
If MCA is a business, their creativity must be able to create the next mPod and mPhone.
If they are advertising agency, they must be able to create ads better than “Potong”.
General Leow who thought that he has a smart plan is now walking on a wire crossing Petronas Twin Tower at 88th floor.
At first he thought he is the smart fisherman, but now the bird and clam wanted to bite him back.
And it happens that the bird is the-highness-of-birds and the clam the-holiness-of-clams. Together they command a big army of birds and clams.
And Leow is only a poor fisherman!
First he couldn’t see how thick Kong face is. And now he can’t see how powerful a KING can be, especially after the king has joined force with another king!
He is playing with fire. He is an ant trying to stop a Benz. [螳臂当车，不自量力]
But then you can’t blame him, all human (especially Chinese) are crazy for power.
At first, King Kong said Tiger Chuah is crazy for power.
Then Tiger Chuah said King Kong is crazy for power.
Then General Leow said King Kong is crazy for power!
And now everyone knows General Leow is also crazy for power!!!
All crows in the world are black. [天下乌鸦一般黑]
Have you seen a cat that doesn’t like fish?
Everyone criticize everyone else but no one criticize themselves.
Crazy for power is one thing, foolishness is another.
Why one can be so stupid to pull a tiger’s beard?
Smart heroes survive. Stupid heroes die.
We call stupid heroes in the DOTA game noobs.
The Chinese call them sohai.
Leow is quite pity.
He needs to be responsible for his own gang (consist of a female ant and a few male ants). [Now he is loyal to his own gang]
He is sitting on the back of the tiger – hard to come down. [骑虎难下]
So before they die, they decided to do their last fight.
They are calling for another EGM for a party reelection.
But only a few ants want the EGM, while others are smart enough to stick to either Kong or Chuah who after join force, becomes everything.
So can you predict what would happen to the ants?
As expected, you will be bitten by the tiger if you play with its beard!
Even animals that smelt tiger’s shit will run away fast, and you are playing with its beard?!
If you fool with the King, your head with be chopped off.
Who you think you are?
Smart woman make love for enjoyment.
Stupid woman make love to get pregnant.
So the king chopped off 6 heads, keeping only General Leow’s (maybe he can’t eat so much curry head soup in such a short time)
2 of them crying like baby in front of the TV.
You see, everyone criticize everyone else except themselves.
No one looks at the mirror.
For them, it is always, “This apply to you but not me.”
Isn’t earlier you say Kong should respect the votes to step down? [even it is only “morally” obligated and not constitutional obligated]
Now why don’t you respect the party constitution rights that the committee can remove you by voting too?
You say they are crazy for power. You say “democracy is dead”. You say everything you do is “good for the party”.
Then why do you cry when you lost your power? Why you see power as so important?
Why don’t you respect the “democratic” 23-10 committee votes to “chop your head”?
And why can’t you prefer to solve the party problem by the union of Kong and Chuah for the good of the party?
Why it ended up that you become another troublemaker to create another unnecessary fight and claim that it is “good for the party”?
If you don’t have big head, don’t wear big hats. [没有那样大的头，就不要戴那么大顶的帽子]
While the EGM votes “technically” said both must go. But the other interpretation also tell you that they command 97.6% of the supports. So is there any place left for your 2.4%?
Isn’t that you are suppose to be loyal? Why would you turn your head to bite your own boss when they needed you most?!
If an emperor just lost a battle, what he needs is the support of his generals, not betrayal. Because you are in the same team.
But if the generals try to kill the king, it make sense for the King to chop off their heads to protect himself.
“Hey, so you forget that I am the King? So you didn’t notice that I still have many supporters?”
For 10,000 years, betrayals are either the new king or a piece of dead meat.
If you can bite your own boss, your boss can always kick back you ass [think Anwar]. Don’t be naive!
In war, there is no right or wrong, dirty or clean but only winner or loser. At the end, winner become the ruler and loser become the bandit. [胜者为王，败者为寇]
What MCA needs is not “democracy” or another EGM or election but a strong winner that can keep losers and troublemakers at bay. With less noises and less disturbances (and greed of someone to become the next King), only then the party can function properly. Only then they have a chance to focus on the “right” thing instead of wasting so much time on these silly matters.