AhYap’s Blog

There was this board in a Hotel @ China.

Hell! Where is the other half of Malaysia? Where is the Dog Head? Where is the Cat (Kuching)? Malaysia has only the banana left!

If our politicians see this, they would say, “It is OK to lost Sabah Sarawak because we are still better than Indonesia because they lost hell lots more islands then us!”.

This is what our politicians do all the time. This is called the compare game. When there is something bad, they will compare it to something worst to make that thing ‘look’ good. When there is bocor (leakage), they say it is good because it didn’t runtuh (collapse).

But when it comes to self-interest things, they forget to compare to something worst but instead compare to something better. Like when it comes to their salary, they forget to compare to the Africans who don’t even have food to eat, but they want to compare to Singapore’s Prime Minister (USD $2 million/year). When the Goverment gives him a free Perdana, he compares his Perdana with Ferrari (instead of my Iswara).

And then when we tell them how fuck up Streamyx is, they will tell us many Africans don’t even have TV! (now they remember the Africans) Why don’t they compare to Singapore, Japan and USA?

When you tell them the Toll price is very expensive, they will show you a report with a list of countries that pay more expensive Toll, i.e. comparing to something worst so our toll price ‘look’ good now. When you tell them Petrol is very expensive, they put up BIG bill board all over Malaysia and advertise in all newspapers telling us we actually pay cheap because they subsidize us, i.e. comparing to something worst, in the case if they DON’T subsidize us. Why they don’t compare to Brunei that charges 50 cents a litre?

Understand how politicians play the compare game now?

Your parents play that too. When you ask the President of the house (not Abdullah Badawi but your dad) why he drive a Proton instead of a BMW, he will tell you many people can only ride a bike! When you ask the First Lady (not Jeanne Abdullah but your mum) why she can’t cook like Iron Chef, she will tell you many woman don’t even know how to cook.

BUT THEN….

When you get #2 at school the politicians of the house (again, not Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah but your mum and dad!) compare you to the #1 student and ask you why you didn’t get #1! They forget to compare to the 356 people who is worst then you.

When you score 99 marks in your Math, they compare you with the full score 100 and ask you why you didn’t get 100 but only 99! They forget to compare to 98, 97, 96 …. 3, 2, 1 & 0.

So the next time when the politicians in your house compare you to something better, you just asked “Why Ah Meng’s father drove a Benz and you drove a Proton?”, “Why Ali’s house got swimming pool and we don’t even have a 2nd storey?”

I promised they will kick your ass and ask you to sleep outside the house. Then you can compare sleeping in your small room vs sleeping outside the house with mosquitoes. Wahahahaha.

[Thanks Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah for participating in my story.]

Question: Guess what’s happening at the Shanghai Airport?

Hints: Sammy Vellu, JKR, Malaysia High Court, Parliament Building

Answer: BOCOR! (Leakage)

China Boleh! Shanghai Boleh! Malaysia Boleh!

Remember the immobilizer ass hole that I told you about few months ago? The story is hanging, and it does have an interesting ending, but still, I am lazy to blog the ending today. Wahahaha.

Today I want to show you this picture, taken from the back of the MyVi.

Did you see the word “IMMOBILISER”? Do my MyVi need another Immobilizer?!

If he is an immobilizer sales man, he should know very clearly that my MyVi is equipped with immobilizer. (Unless he is a sohai)

And if he knows my MyVi already has an immobilizer and he still insist on selling me one, he is not a con man then he is what?!

And I still think my girlfriend senior, who comes to ‘help’ but end up asking my girl friend, “Did you promised to buy from him” is a really a dai sohai. You want to buy something from Mr M and later you find out that Mr M is a con man, you still say something like, “I have promised to pay him, so I will pay even I know he is a con man!” ?!

Don’t be a sohai, if you later find out somebody has bad intention on you, all previous promises and responsibilities don’t count anymore. If you are a Taxi driver and you took a passenger where later you find out he is holding a parang, sweating like shit and and keep eyeing on you, do you think you should ‘kept your promise and responsible’ to take him to the jungle place to let him rob you (or even kill you)? I think you will want to abandon the car and run for your life! If you promise your ‘friend’ to carry a luggage to Singapore and find out it is actually heroin, do you still want to keep your promises?

Don’t be a sohai! Live Smarter! Don’t let your sohai brain confused you!

A visitor asked me what do I mean by ‘Sohai’. I bet he is reading my post on Sohai Streamyx Technician – Why Send a Sohai to My House? So he must be a non-chinese and I am very happy to explain to all the people in the world who does not know what this fantastic word means.

When you see the word Sohai, you can replace it with ‘Idiot’, i.e. Idiot Streamyx Technician – Why Send an Idiot to My House.

Easy? But my friend, you better be careful when you use this word because it is not a ‘friendly’ word, it is a rude word.

Sohai is made up of 2 Cantonis word, So and Hai.

So = Stupid

Hai = The organ of your mum where your father put something in and get you out from it. Like a Coke vending machine, you put RM1.50 and you get a can of coke out from it. So that organ, your father put some liquid in and get you out from it. If you don’t know what is it, ASK YOUR MUM, SOHAI! Ask your father if you don’t know what liquid he put in.

That’s why sohai is consider a rude word. But it is very common among the Cantonis speaker.

- Sohai! Do you know how to spell Hippopotamus?

- Look at that Sohai, he wear a red underweer.

Sometimes we can use the word on ourself.

- Today I am very Sohai, I locked my car key inside the car.

- April Ng, “I am so sohai! My website get hacked!” (wahahaha, sorry to burn you in but I find it funny that you actually has a blog category called sohai!)

Sometimes we can call our friend sohai

- Ui Sohai, where to eat supper?

- I put soufulow nickname in my address book as Sohai Fu.

(It makes friends closer to each other because only close friends will not get pissed-off with such word. Like in English, you can call your buddy, “Hey ass hole!” Try that on a stranger and see if you can still keep your balls)

There are 2 common variations of Sohai

1. Dai Sohai - Dai means big. So dai sohai means big idiot. Soufulow is a dai sohai because he typed self-employed as self-employer in his resume. [All those YouTube movies that you watch where the Americans doing some stuns but failed are all dai sohai, i.e. jump from building to building and fell, skate down the stairs handle and fell, burn their own pubic hair... All the fellas in American Funniest Home Videos that send in videos of someone fell is also dai sohai. All the people who laugh because someone fell is also dai sohai.]

2. Sei Sohai – Sei means die. So it is an extra curse word on top of sohai. You use it because of hatred. You can called a policeman that saman you a sei sohai. If somebody knocks your car from the back you can call him sei sohai. If a politician say your mum bocor every month, you can call him sei sohai.

So you have learned a new word today, use more in your blog! If your visitors ask you what is Sohai, you can answer them, “Wah! Sohai you also don’t know ar! You are really a dai sohai!” Wahahahaha.

How to Pronounce ‘Sohai’?

A commenter below make a good example on how to pronounce it.

Soyabean’s So
Haiya’s Hai

p/s Oh, if you use the word ’sohai’ in your post, remember to link it to this page!
SoHai!

Wahahhaha.

26th Hong Kong Film Awards
• Winner – Best Picture
• Winner – Best Director (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming)
• Winner – Best Supporting Actor (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Winner – Best New Artist (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Winner – Best Original Screenplay (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Tian Kai-Leong)
• Nomination – Best Actor (Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing)
• Nomination – Best Supporting Actress (Kelly Lin)
• Nomination – Best Cinematography (Mark Lee Ping-Ban)
• Nomination – Best Editing (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming)
• Nomination – Best Art Direction (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Cyrus Ho Kim-Kung)

43rd Golden Horse Awards
• Winner – Best Picture
• Winner – Best Actor (Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing)
• Winner – Best Supporting Actor (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Nomination – Best New Artist (Goum Ian Iskandar)
• Nomination – Best Original Screenplay (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Tian Kai-Leong)
• Nomination – Best Cinematography (Mark Lee Ping-Ban)
• Nomination – Best Make-up and Costume Design (Patrick Tam Ka-Ming, Tu Hsu-Chung)

This movie is very special to me because it is taken in Ipoh, my little hometown, where I am writing this blog from. The story is also based on Ipoh 20 years ago. At that time, I was at the age of the kid in the movie. I enjoy the movie very much but this post is not a movie review, this is another AhYap’s Just For Laught post.

This movie is based on 20 years ago at a place called Ipoh. To know how long is 20 years ago, a phone look like this in the movie.

Boy, it is a rotator phone. Kleeek-kak-kak-kak-kak-kak,Kleeek-kak-kak-kak-kak-kak-kak. You dial the number by rotating the numbers and not pushing buttons.

While Hong Kong and Taiwan people have no idea what Ipoh and Malaysia look like, but Ipoh guy (and other Malaysian) like me can easily sense something in miliseconds when we see these.

We are sensitive to something that look like ‘money’ because we hope to pick some up from the floor. This is the Malaysia new currency notes, they don’t exist 20 years ago.

Wow, this car with back break lights on the upper part of the car and metallic blue doesn’t exist as well 20 years ago. Hmm, we don’t have vCool or AirCool or other UV screen film at that time too.

Sorry boy, no red and white plastic chairs existed 20 years ago. It is either metal chairs, wood chairs, or bamboo chairs. But that Nissan Sunny is exactly what we use at that time.

Oh my god! Ipoh Medan Kitt bus station hasn’t change even slightly for more than 20 years! I sat on that wood chair before 20 years ago. All the omni buses looked the same 20 years ago too (ticket price changed only). Public phones changed, they were orange colour 20 years ago.

And the WINNER!

There is no JobStreet.com 20 years ago! Wahahahahaha!

[There is no Google.com, no Yahoo.com, no Netscape browser, no Internet Explorer... no such thing as Ebay Auction, YouTube, Torrent, Blog, not even Jaring and TM-Nut Streamyx]

But the fucking proton saga existed 20 years ago and only changed slightly from saga to Iswara. You can still buy one today. Useless Proton.

More…

There is a scene of Aaron Kwok drinking beer in a kopitiam that is opposite the sohai shop that print my name card. It is a Chinese kopitiam but the background music is a Malay song. Boy, no chinese kopitiam will broadcast Malay song. Nothing to be sensitive with because no mamak stall broadcast Chinese songs as well. Malay bus driver will switch on Radio Era instead of MyFM. No Indian listen to Chinese songs too when they are driving their Proton Wira with the window down and their hand put outside the car. It is our culture, we all know that. It has been that way for 50 years and nothing is wrong with that.

The malay song is later broadcast again in a fucking scene. Wahahaha.

What I mention here, won’t be noticed by the Hong Kong and Taiwan judges because they don’t understand our culture that much. A Malaysia judge might had noticed all these and may not rate it that good with such mistakes.

The movie does learn a lot about our culture and mimic them in the show, like the use of the word ‘lui’ as money. The word ‘lui’ is only used by Malaysian Chinese because it come from the word ‘duit’! So as the word ‘pasar’ and ‘bas sekolah’. And of course the best mimic of our Ipoh Chinese culture is the word ‘diu’ (soufu and I are very good with utilizing this word). ‘diu’ means fuck in Cantonis.

[Note: Only Ipoh and KL chinese use the word 'diu'. Because Ipoh and KL chinese speaks Cantonis. Hokkien kia at Penang, Taiping, Singapore... use 'kan ni' (fuck you).]

Another word is ‘Ah Boy’, almost all Chinese families call their son ‘Ah Boy’. ‘Ah Boy’ become his name and when he is 50 year old, his 80 year old mum will still call his son ‘Ah Boy, eat rice lor’! And do you know why it is still better to be called Ah Boy? Because the first son will usually be called Ah Boy and the 2nd son will be called ‘Ah Bi’, which come from ‘Baby’! I don’t want my 80 year old mum calling me ‘Ah Bi, come to eat rice lor’ when I am 50 years old!

No matter what I say, this is indeed a very good film.