AhYap’s Blog

Referring to my post earlier - A ‘Fun’ Comment from my Streamyx Sucks post

A guy posted the comment

I am working with tmnet, and I am totally not agree what you are doing! If you still advertise about tmnet’s negative stuff, We will sue you like hell!!

There is actually a continuation to the story. This guy write another comment with a phone number today !

let me know if you disagree, -telephone number-, i am a streamyx supporter!

So I picked up the phone and called. And to my surprise, there is really this guy with this name! But this guy can’t even speak English! And he has a lot of difficulties understanding what I mean by ’streamyx’, ‘online’, ‘website’, ‘blog’ and most important ‘ahyap’. After a 3 minute talk and investigation, I sum up that he is not the real person who write those comments.

So who is the real guy behind all the ‘I work for tmnet’, ’sue you like hell’ and ’streamyx supporter’?

One work explain it all - He is a SOHAI. Can be a sohai from Intel based on the IP or a sohai from tmnet if he didn’t lie. Or maybe he is a sohai who want to put that guy in trouble (placing a telephone number in a streamyx sucks community and tell everyone “I am a streamyx supporter” certainly won’t end up pretty!)

—

To protect this innocent man, his real name and telephone number has been removed.

Update: AhYap has stop complaining about Streamyx so he can Live In Peace. Please read his final post on what do do with your slow streamyx connection and improve your torrent speed for his final episode. Commenting for this post has also been closed.

Some people don’t really get what we meant by Streamyx is the largest INTRANET provider in Malaysia. I think it come from the confusing technical word ‘INTRANET’.

Intranet is not Internet. Intranet refers to a local connected network. Usually a university or a company (say a bank) will have their own intranet. The reason we say Streamyx is the largest intranet in Malaysia because they connect like ROCKET within Malaysia and connect like TURTLE outsite of Malaysia (especially to USA). So it is a shame that they call themselves the largest Internet Service Provider (ISP) in Malaysia and that’s why we suggest them to call themselves the largest INTRANET Service Provider in Malaysia instead.

Today I do a few speed test using SpeedTest.net to let you know what I mean.

–Speed Test to Kuala Lumpur (Kampung of the World)–

See the Amazing speed? That’s ROCKET speed! 1,265 kbps! And my package is the RM88 1mbps (1,024kbps). So it actually goes over the limit! The reason it goes over the limit is because I complaint too much last year and they upgrade it free for me to 1,536kbps to keep my mouth shut.

But the upgrade is totally useless. Why? Because I don’t surf Malaysia sites most of the time. I have to visit YouTube, have to visit MySpace that are hosted in the USA. Let’s do some speed test to USA.

–Speed Test to Los Angeles, USA–

My God! Did you see that Amazing Turtle Speed? 33kbps! I pay RM88 for 1,024 kbps and 33kbps is only 3% of my package speed. The ancient analog modem that we keep in the museum now (the 1515 that sounds like diiiiiiiiiiiii-di-di-di-di when you try to connect) can connect at 54kbps!

How do you expect me to see Paris Hilton from her webcam in L.A. at 33kbps?

–Speed Test to New York, USA–

Arghhhhh! Pengsan. 24kbps! No wonder my YouTube movie and MySpace music never load. No wonder Donald Trump can’t hear me on SKYPE this morning.

–Speed Test to London, UK–

Errrrr! Only 47 kbps! How do I voice-chat with Tony Blair using Yahoo Messenger?

The internet, means International Network. It connects the whole world together. If TM-Net promise us ‘Internet’ service of 1,024kbps, they should provide that speed for all sites in the world, not just Malaysia. So, our Streamyx is really one of the biggest Joke in Malaysia (something like Proton).

It is even more nonsense, when Streamyx is now offering 4mbps package while they are still unable to provide a good 1mbps!

Malaysian are a pity nation. We know something is shit, but we still have to eat it. We know Streamyx is shit, but we still have to use it. We know Proton is shit, but we still have to drive it. And I keep eating this 2 shits everyday (Streamyx and my Proton Iswara). AhYap Boleh!

Update: AhYap has stop complaining about Streamyx so he can Live In Peace. Please read his final post on what do do with your slow streamyx connection and improve your torrent speed for his final episode. Commenting for this post has also been closed.

Someone wrote a comment at my Streamyx is an Intranet post.

I am working with tmnet, and I am totally not agree what you are doing! If you still advertise about tmnet’s negative stuff, We will sue you like hell!!

But this guy has a strange IP of 134.134.136.2 which is actually an Intel IP. So I think he is just a sohai who come to kakacaucau here. Since his identity is questionable, I have no point to respond to him.

But what I want to say is, I think Streamyx is the real Hell On Earth!

Update: AhYap has stop complaining about Streamyx so he can Live In Peace. Please read his final post on what do do with your slow streamyx connection and improve your torrent speed for his final episode. Commenting for this post has also been closed.

Instead of being the largest Internet Service Provider (ISP) of Malaysia, Streamyx has became the largest Intranet Service Provider in Malaysia. Connections are fast like rocket when connecting to servers located at Penang and Johor Bahru but is slow like turtle when connecting to US servers like YouTube and MySpace.

To learn more, read soufulow’s Streamyx Intranet: Malaysia BIGGEST liar!

There was this board in a Hotel @ China.

Hell! Where is the other half of Malaysia? Where is the Dog Head? Where is the Cat (Kuching)? Malaysia has only the banana left!

If our politicians see this, they would say, “It is OK to lost Sabah Sarawak because we are still better than Indonesia because they lost hell lots more islands then us!”.

This is what our politicians do all the time. This is called the compare game. When there is something bad, they will compare it to something worst to make that thing ‘look’ good. When there is bocor (leakage), they say it is good because it didn’t runtuh (collapse).

But when it comes to self-interest things, they forget to compare to something worst but instead compare to something better. Like when it comes to their salary, they forget to compare to the Africans who don’t even have food to eat, but they want to compare to Singapore’s Prime Minister (USD $2 million/year). When the Goverment gives him a free Perdana, he compares his Perdana with Ferrari (instead of my Iswara).

And then when we tell them how fuck up Streamyx is, they will tell us many Africans don’t even have TV! (now they remember the Africans) Why don’t they compare to Singapore, Japan and USA?

When you tell them the Toll price is very expensive, they will show you a report with a list of countries that pay more expensive Toll, i.e. comparing to something worst so our toll price ‘look’ good now. When you tell them Petrol is very expensive, they put up BIG bill board all over Malaysia and advertise in all newspapers telling us we actually pay cheap because they subsidize us, i.e. comparing to something worst, in the case if they DON’T subsidize us. Why they don’t compare to Brunei that charges 50 cents a litre?

Understand how politicians play the compare game now?

Your parents play that too. When you ask the President of the house (not Abdullah Badawi but your dad) why he drive a Proton instead of a BMW, he will tell you many people can only ride a bike! When you ask the First Lady (not Jeanne Abdullah but your mum) why she can’t cook like Iron Chef, she will tell you many woman don’t even know how to cook.

BUT THEN….

When you get #2 at school the politicians of the house (again, not Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah but your mum and dad!) compare you to the #1 student and ask you why you didn’t get #1! They forget to compare to the 356 people who is worst then you.

When you score 99 marks in your Math, they compare you with the full score 100 and ask you why you didn’t get 100 but only 99! They forget to compare to 98, 97, 96 …. 3, 2, 1 & 0.

So the next time when the politicians in your house compare you to something better, you just asked “Why Ah Meng’s father drove a Benz and you drove a Proton?”, “Why Ali’s house got swimming pool and we don’t even have a 2nd storey?”

I promised they will kick your ass and ask you to sleep outside the house. Then you can compare sleeping in your small room vs sleeping outside the house with mosquitoes. Wahahahaha.

[Thanks Abdullah Badawi and Jeanne Abdullah for participating in my story.]

Question: Guess what’s happening at the Shanghai Airport?

Hints: Sammy Vellu, JKR, Malaysia High Court, Parliament Building

Answer: BOCOR! (Leakage)

China Boleh! Shanghai Boleh! Malaysia Boleh!

I registered this 2 domains long time ago when I am pissed off by the TM-Nuts nearly a year ago.

I have a chance to visit a ShenZhen cybercafe on my last day @ China. The cybercafe charges only RMB3.00 per hour (around RM1.40) and the people there do 3 things in common.

1. Play Online Games

2. Video Chatting using webcam

3. Watch Streaming TV Series and Movies @ Full Screen!

#$^&^#$%#$, I can’t even watch a YouTube movie smoothly using Streamyx! Can’t listen to MySpace music! Can’t get a good torrent speed! $%!#$%@!$%#$

Update: StreamyxSucks.com and Streamyx.com has declared bankruptcy and deemed out of business. We will no longer recruit haters. Please read my final post on what you can do with your slow streamyx connection for some solutions to your problem. Commenting for this post has also been closed. What left for StreamyxSucks.com is some FREE Streamyx Sucks Banners.

Flying to Shanghai tonight! Has been shitting non-stop for 2 days (guys version of ‘bocor‘), hopefully will not need to keep on shitting at KLIA, the plane and Shanghai. Wahahaha.

I find out that the most happy days I have, are always the days I don’t need to touch and see my computer (and the internet). I know that only after I traveled to Korea 3 years ago. I always thought that I like computer and internet very much. I thought I have passion with it, can’t live without it. But after I didn’t touch the computer for a record of 8 straight days at Korea, I find out that I actually hate computers. 8 days is a record because ever since I got my first computer in 1994, I have not left my computer for such a long period.

Soon, you will find out what you thought you like is actually what you hate.

Soon, you will find out what you thought is right is actually wrong.

Then later, what you hate become what you like again. And what you think is wrong become right again. Then you hate it again, like it again, hate it again …. then you think it is wrong again, right again, wrong again … it keeps repeating.

People (and everything), keep changing, every second. From physical stuffs like a car, to non-physical stuffs like our thoughts and believes. There is ONLY ONE THING that HAS NEVER CHANGED in our universe, and that ONE THING, is the fact that ‘Everything Changes’.

And the reason I write this post, is to make you confuse. Wahahaha.

Remember the immobilizer ass hole that I told you about few months ago? The story is hanging, and it does have an interesting ending, but still, I am lazy to blog the ending today. Wahahaha.

Today I want to show you this picture, taken from the back of the MyVi.

Did you see the word “IMMOBILISER”? Do my MyVi need another Immobilizer?!

If he is an immobilizer sales man, he should know very clearly that my MyVi is equipped with immobilizer. (Unless he is a sohai)

And if he knows my MyVi already has an immobilizer and he still insist on selling me one, he is not a con man then he is what?!

And I still think my girlfriend senior, who comes to ‘help’ but end up asking my girl friend, “Did you promised to buy from him” is a really a dai sohai. You want to buy something from Mr M and later you find out that Mr M is a con man, you still say something like, “I have promised to pay him, so I will pay even I know he is a con man!” ?!

Don’t be a sohai, if you later find out somebody has bad intention on you, all previous promises and responsibilities don’t count anymore. If you are a Taxi driver and you took a passenger where later you find out he is holding a parang, sweating like shit and and keep eyeing on you, do you think you should ‘kept your promise and responsible’ to take him to the jungle place to let him rob you (or even kill you)? I think you will want to abandon the car and run for your life! If you promise your ‘friend’ to carry a luggage to Singapore and find out it is actually heroin, do you still want to keep your promises?

Don’t be a sohai! Live Smarter! Don’t let your sohai brain confused you!

A visitor asked me what do I mean by ‘Sohai’. I bet he is reading my post on Sohai Streamyx Technician - Why Send a Sohai to My House? So he must be a non-chinese and I am very happy to explain to all the people in the world who does not know what this fantastic word means.

When you see the word Sohai, you can replace it with ‘Idiot’, i.e. Idiot Streamyx Technician - Why Send an Idiot to My House.

Easy? But my friend, you better be careful when you use this word because it is not a ‘friendly’ word, it is a rude word.

Sohai is made up of 2 Cantonis word, So and Hai.

So = Stupid

Hai = The organ of your mum where your father put something in and get you out from it. Like a Coke vending machine, you put RM1.50 and you get a can of coke out from it. So that organ, your father put some liquid in and get you out from it. If you don’t know what is it, ASK YOUR MUM, SOHAI! Ask your father if you don’t know what liquid he put in.

That’s why sohai is consider a rude word. But it is very common among the Cantonis speaker.

- Sohai! Do you know how to spell Hippopotamus?

- Look at that Sohai, he wear a red underweer.

Sometimes we can use the word on ourself.

- Today I am very Sohai, I locked my car key inside the car.

- April Ng, “I am so sohai! My website get hacked!” (wahahaha, sorry to burn you in but I find it funny that you actually has a blog category called sohai!)

Sometimes we can call our friend sohai

- Ui Sohai, where to eat supper?

- I put soufulow nickname in my address book as Sohai Fu.

(It makes friends closer to each other because only close friends will not get pissed-off with such word. Like in English, you can call your buddy, “Hey ass hole!” Try that on a stranger and see if you can still keep your balls)

There are 2 common variations of Sohai

1. Dai Sohai - Dai means big. So dai sohai means big idiot. Soufulow is a dai sohai because he typed self-employed as self-employer in his resume. [All those YouTube movies that you watch where the Americans doing some stuns but failed are all dai sohai, i.e. jump from building to building and fell, skate down the stairs handle and fell, burn their own pubic hair... All the fellas in American Funniest Home Videos that send in videos of someone fell is also dai sohai. All the people who laugh because someone fell is also dai sohai.]

2. Sei Sohai - Sei means die. So it is an extra curse word on top of sohai. You use it because of hatred. You can called a policeman that saman you a sei sohai. If somebody knocks your car from the back you can call him sei sohai. If a politician say your mum bocor every month, you can call him sei sohai.

So you have learned a new word today, use more in your blog! If your visitors ask you what is Sohai, you can answer them, “Wah! Sohai you also don’t know ar! You are really a dai sohai!” Wahahahaha.

How to Pronounce ‘Sohai’?

A commenter below make a good example on how to pronounce it.

Soyabean’s So
Haiya’s Hai

p/s Oh, if you use the word ’sohai’ in your post, remember to link it to this page!
SoHai!

Wahahhaha.