AhYap’s Blog

Cerita ini direka semata-mata untuk tujuan pendidikan.

Ong Ka Ting sedang berada di dalam rancangan “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” siaran NTV7. Keadaan sangat genting kerana dia telah menjawab soalan 500 ribu Ringgit dan sedang menunggu sama ada jawapannya betul!

Jalalludin Hassan, “Jawapan anda … … … … … SELEPAS INI!”

AhYap di depan TV, “Diu!”

(selepas iklan dan banyak lagi air liur dari Jalalludin Hassan)

Jalalludin Hassan, “… Jawapan anda … … … … … BETUL! Syabas dan anda sekarang mendapati 500,000 ringgit!”

(tepukan penonton)

Jalalludin, “Sekarang ke soalan 1 juta! Adakah anda dapat membawa balik 1 juta hari ini? … (air liur lagi) .. Adakah anda sudah bersiap sedia?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Ya, sila teruskan.”

Jalalludin, “Oh, soalan ini memang senang. Ini soalan politik! Tentu YB dapat menjawabnya dengan cepat!”

Ong Ka Ting pun shock sendiri apabila dia terdengar soalan itu soalan politik! Politik adalah mangkuk nasi beliau. Hadiah 1 juta sudah dekat di tangannya.

Jalalludin, “Di antara berikut, yang manakah ejaan betul bagi Menteri Pendidikan Malaysia? …

A. H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-i-n,

B. H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-d-i-n,

C. H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n,

D. H-i-s-h-a-r-m-u-d-d-i-n”

Ong Ka Ting, “Oh! Diu Lor!”

Jalalludin, “Apa tu? D?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Oh bukan, saya ingin mengunakan life line saya yang terakhir – Call-a-Friend.”

Jalalludin, “Siapa YB nak call?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi.”

NTV7 cuba menghubungi Perdana Menteri…

Jalalludin, “Hello, Perdana Menteri? Saya Jalludin Hassan dalam rancangan ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire’ dan di sini adalah Datuk Seri Ong Ka Ting. Dia perlukan bantuan anda untuk menjawap soalan 1 juta! Anda ada 30 saat. Mulai sekarang.”

(30, 29, 28 …)

Ong Ka Ting, “Pak Lah! Bagaimana mengeja Hishamuddin?! H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-m-u-d-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n, H-i-s-h-a-r-m-u-d-d-i-n”

Abdullah, “Huh? Apa lu cakap, boleh perlahan sikit?”

Ong Ka Ting, “Lu eja terus bagi saya lah”.

Abdullah, “Ok, aku cuba, H-I-S-H-A … eh ada R tak? H-I-S-H-A-M … hmmm, satu M ke dua M? H-I-S-H-A-M-U-D-D … eh, satu D ke dua D?! …ehhh … ehhh … H-I-S-H-A ….”

Jalalludin, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ….”

Ong Ka Ting, “Harlooooo… harlo? Uh.”.

Jalalludin, “YB, apa jawapan yang anda ingin pilih.”

Ong Ka Ting, “Hmmm… Hmmm… Saya mau ambil 500 ribu dan balik. Tak mau teka lah! Susah sangat ni!”

—-TAMAT—-

Tujuan utama saya menulis cerita ini adalah untuk mengajar para pembaca ejaan yang betul bagi Menteri Pendidikan kita. Jika nama Menteri Pendidikan pun tak boleh eja, macam mana boleh kita kata Sistem Pendidikan kita baik?

Jawapan yang betul, adalah … … … … SELEPAS INI!

&*%@$!^%^&%^

Jawapan yang betul mengikut wikipedia adalah C. H-i-s-h-a-m-m-u-d-d-i-n.

Tak ada ‘r’. Dua ‘m’ dan dua 2 ‘d’.

Tak payah malu jika anda eja salah sebab ada 741 laman web pun eja salah menurut Google.

Lagipun, dalam wikipedia Hishammuddin, ejaan Hishammuddin (dua ‘m’) digunakan 9 kali dan Hishamuddin (satu ‘m’) digunakan 6 kali.

Google punya spell-check pun tak tepat.

Mana satu yang memang memang betul? Kita perlu check dia punya IC lor!

Read this good joke – Malaysian Hell.

I wrote a comment to the post, but Maria, the owner of the blog, modified my comment to -

“This post is really good! I like it very much!”

But what I originally wrote was

“This post is fucking good! I like it very much!”

Wahahaha. This teaches me a lesson not to simply fuck at others people blog.

I was shocked with the responds to my previous post AhYap’s Rants On His Beloved Country Malaysia

I rant that day because I suddenly got so upset with our country. I have been following the country development for so many years and things have never been improved.

Just look at the last few days, MCA youth is raising the Constitution in the meeting, then yesterday the headline of Utusan Malaysia – Jangan tunduk — Tuntutan tender terbuka MCA bercanggah dengan DEB. The fight is never ending. The definition of ‘fair’ and ‘equal’ in Malaysia is so far from the real meaning.

At the end of the post I wrote that I am not voting in the election. The responds do really shocked me when all the people are asking me to vote!

When I wrote the post, what I expect is either

1. People will also get angry and they also don’t want to vote (but none said so. So it looks like I am the most childish one), or

2. People will criticized me being stupid, not patriotic, childish, useless, etc. The way that NTV7 Edisi Siasat will critized. For example, if they know AhYap is not voting, the 2 hosts might say things like, “Tengoklah remaja sekarang ini, macam mana negara kita boleh ada harapan dengan remaja macam ini …” [Look at the teenagers nowadays, how can the country has hope with such teenagers ...]

But both are not happening. It ends up that people are actually telling me something else that broaden up my horizon! Instead of critizing me, they actually motivate me and point me to the right direction. I suddenly realized the meaning of voting!

The most interesting comment is from DB.

Because of Negarakuku and AhYap, I just registered with SPR to vote on the next election. Just my vote is not important but ours are. Come on AhYap. Join me. Join Us. For the sake of Malaysia and our future, we have to vote to show them (you, me, us know who they are) our power.

And for that, I rushed to register as a voter today! Thanks for all of you who have commented in my posts!

Everyday 8.2 girls in Malaysia get raped (and that is only for reported cases). The government seldom discuss about it.

But then when Negaraku is being sang in R&B by a Malaysia student studying in Taiwan, it is discussed so many times in the parliament, and has been commented by so many ministers and government officers. Chinese papers have a few pages on it everyday.

There are people who want to revoke his citizenship. There are people who want to forfeit his passport so he can’t return home. There are people who say he must be punished although they don’t know exactly which law to use (Oh!). They say, they can definitely find one to prosecute him.

Our government had built the highest building in the world, and yet their heart is so small. They are extremely sensitive and is unable to tolerate small little things. And yet, they ignore all the big issues and pretend they don’t see it. They like to make small issues big and keep quiet about the big issues.

What is the use of celebrating our 50th year-old birthday when there are still double standard on so many things?

Why is it that someone with status apologized, thing can be settle and why a small citizen apologize, he still have to be punished?

Why the UMNO representatives who make sensitive comments LIVE on TV only get some ‘discipline action’ from the party?

Why someone who build a multi million castle without permit can settle by a few tears saying that his old house is too small for his family? He only needs to pay a small sum of fine.

Why my Primary School Sam Tet Ipoh doesn’t even have a small field and a hall for so many years? And we only have a basketball court for our assembly. While other school have big halls with air-cond and big football fields!

Why our Minister of Education, Mr H (I don’t know how to spell it so I don’t want to spell it because if I spell in wrongly, I might end up in the jail! This is Malaysia) can be a hero and make the headline of Chinese papers when he allows 2 Chinese schools in Malaysia to reallocate?

He can be a hero just by giving the ‘permission’ to relocate and not the money! And the Chinese society have to find money themselves to relocate. Poi Lam and Wan Hwa Ipoh has been trying to relocate without sufficient fund for more than 10 years.

And yesterday paper, why some schools have to pay for their own electricity and water bills while some schools can be paid by the government?

Why we need to build the highest building in the world that has never been occupied fully until today WHILE we don’t have enough seats in our local Universities?

The government want to sue YouTube because of the Negaraku video. This shows how intelligent our leaders are when it comes to understanding the internet. Youtube has hundred of thousands videos online and how they are going to monitor all of them?

Even if they monitor all of them, you really think Negaraku is so popular in the world that they know what is it? Mr Nazri, how many countries National Anthem can you sing and recognized? How do leaders like that can build a good internet infrastructure for us when their understanding on how the internet works is so little.

Some leaders (ahem, leaders) says the Government should stop sending Chinese students to study in Taiwan. Oh! Chinese students who study in Taiwan are those who can’t get into the local universities and they are actually paying for themselves! They thought that the Government is paying for them because they got so many JPA and government scholarships for themselves! They are just slapping their own face. And the lyrics of the song does talked about this and it proofs again that they didn’t listen to the song before they comment.

I am not voting on the next election. I am not celebrating our 50th birthday day. If I have to go to jail if I don’t vote, then I will go to vote. If I have to go to jail if I don’t celebrate our national day, then I will celebrate. Don’t play play! You can go to jail for a lot of reasons in Malaysia. Our government is hypersensitive on a lot of small things.

Nazri , “We cannot be like the West where you can have the underwear with the design of the Union Jack. In Britain, you can insult the Queen or the flag, I don’t care, but in this country we have laws and we cannot create a precedent where you commit an offence, apologise and get away with it.”

We have the highest building in the world but we have the smallest heart! We always criticized the value of the West and yet we are the one with the smaller heart.

The market is very hot in the pass few months. Almost all people are talking about the stock market. The newspaper even make a few headlines for the market plunge last week alone.

Most people don’t understand what is stock and what they are buying. All they know is that there is a counter NAME and then there is a PRICE. And what they need to do is to speculate the movement of price, hoping to buy low and sell high to make some money.

They can use numerous techniques and most of them rely on rumors and tips. Some that are more advanced might use charting techniques which is know as technical analysis. Tips or charts, they are the same gang. They try to speculate on the price movement to make money.

Let’s say you have RM100,000 to invest in KLSE.

You speculate all in 1 counter and your investment go up to RM110,000 in 1 month (you may have used tips or charts in making the buying decision). Speculators believe that stocks are only paper money and only cash is the real money. When they hold stock, they feel risky. They believe that their money is in ‘unsafe’ position. So in order to see the real money and to protect their profit, they need to sell the stock and get the cash. After selling, they think their profit is now ’safe’. This is called ‘profit taking’ or ‘taking profit’.

The problem IS -

What are you going to do with your RM110,000 ’safe’ cash now? It might be safe now, but what do you want to do with it now? You might spend a few hundred or a few thousand to celebrate, but most probably you will still end up having RM100,000+ in cash.

So probably you will have to buy another counter (using another tip or chart). And this is irony because at first, you sell a counter because you believe holding a stock is risky and you must take profit. Now after you sell one, you have to buy another one and put yourself back to the ‘risk’ of holding a stock!

Are you sure you can pick a new one that can make you money again? If you invest based on pure luck, you can still be lucky for a few times but not definitely not forever. If you have to switch from 1 counter to another every month, you have to switch 12 times a year and 120 times in 10 years! Can you have a lucky streak of 120 times based on tips and charts? And most of us have more than 10 years to live!

While you can make money in stock, you can also lose money! You can always lose $10,000 instead of making $10,000.

This is the problem with short term trading. You didn’t reduce your risk in anyway because after ‘taking profit’ you still need to buy another counter. By thinking that ‘taking profit’ make your money safe, you are just lying to yourself. Your money is never ’safe’. You are just transferring the risk to another counter.

What do you need to do with your money after you sell is the biggest problem for a short term trader.

You need to trouble yourself in making new decisions and selections every time after you sell. And you won’t be lucky every time with your new picks. When the market is hot, you might have more luck on picking the next right counter. But in a sideway (now) or bear market, I don’t think you will have much luck speculating.

—

A long term value investor, on the other hand doesn’t need to do much with his investment. The market is so red on the week I went to Sipadan, and yet I can dive happily without looking at the market.

Long term value investors are buying for the long term. They don’t need to adjust their portfolio daily, weekly or monthly. And because they only buy GOOD businesses at DISCOUNT price, their risk is minimized. They don’t chase price upwards and they will even refuse to buy GOOD businesses that is not selling at DISCOUNT. They will stay away from BAD businesses that don’t have a good future. They don’t speculate on the next BIG thing, e.g. the next Microsoft.

You might argue to me that it is very hard to know the value of a stock. I FULLY agree with you because after I read 20+ books on investing, I still don’t know exactly how to evaluate a business. It does require a lot of work just to understand a business before you can put a value on it.

After reading 20+ investing books doesn’t make me a super investor that can pick and evaluate stocks. But, it let me know exactly what is the RIGHT STRATEGY for investing. It is not tips, not charts, not short term, not speculating. You also don’t need to guess who is in the next Microsoft or Bill Gates. That strategy is called ‘Value Investing’. It can be explained in 1 short sentence -

“Buy wonderful businesses at discounted price.”

People like you and me don’t have much time in evaluating businesses and calculating their value. If we believe in Value Investing, then all we need to do is to find a fund manager who practice value investing, who has a good track record for the pass few years (the longer the better) and have him invest the money for us! They are professionals, they spend all their time on evaluating businesses. Let outsource the job to them and have them work for us!

That explain why most of my money is in ICAP and why I can still dive happily in Sipadan when the KLSE dive 100+ points to below 1,300 last week. It only screws short term traders and speculators, it doesn’t screw value investor. Irony, value investor are more happy when the stock market dive because that’s the time when lots of wonderful businesses are sold at discounted price!

It takes me 4 years to fully adapt to value investing. I have been a short term trader and speculator. I have used tips and charts. I have been an active options trader for 2 years (buy and sell for over 1,000 times). I have attended several seminars and read a few books on trading, options and technical analysis. I have gone thorough a lot before I come to this understanding. For most of you, I don’t think you can understand the power of value investing from this post alone. Most people have to go through things themselves before they can understand. And unfortunately, most will never understand.

Good luck with your money!

—

Related Post:
Value investing has a lot to do with Price and Earning. Earning let you know the value of a business while the price let you know if it is selling at a discount.

This is an update to the TM-Net Streamyx IP – 219.x, 218.x and 60.x post that I wrote a year ago.

Last few weeks, I have been enjoying incredible fast connection of internet on my 219.x IP. Surprise? Usually, I will have to connect to 218.x to get a decent connection like this. But last few weeks is totally different, my 219.x can connect as good as 218.x.

I am like living in heaven.

But what is funny is that while I am surfing in heaven, suddenly soufulow complains a lot about his poor streamyx connection. He has download that is less than 10KB/s for certain sites. I have no idea why. He is shouting EXACTLY the way I am shouting for years in my blog.

Also, at the very same time, MORE people actually complaint about slower speed in my blog comments and also other forums. Suddenly more people are searching for ’streamyx sucks’. It is like, suddenly I live in heaven and all other people live in hell.

Then, one day I got a very bad speed (back to hell). I look at the IP and I got a 60.x!

IP numbers are sticky to area and in my area, I will get 90% of 219.x and 9% of 218.x and 1% of 60.x. I have gotten 60.x for less than 10 times in the last 5 years using Streamyx. And everytime I got a 60.x, I will get incredible speed and I will refuse to turn off my router and let it hook up for weeks so I won’t lose the connection.

While looking at the IP of people who wrote a comment in my blog and also soufulow’s IP, they usually get the 60.x as opposed to the 219.x. [There are a lot more people on 60.x then on 219.x]

I quickly do a disconnection and reconnect with a 219.x. Boom! My internet connection is blasting fast again.

My conclusion is that 219.x suddenly become a blessed IP and 60.x is now cursed!

My think it is related to the 10Gbps upgrade by Tmnet. And there are 2 possible scenarios.

Scenario #1

The 10 Gbps link is added to 219.x so 219 is very fast now. But that didn’t explain why 60.x deteriorate.

Scenario #2

The 10 Gbps link is added to 60.x and Tmnet allows more people to hook up to 60.x after the upgrade. But unfortunately, it end up that the new 10 Gbps link are not able to support the amount of new users being transfer to 60.x and making 60.x even more congested. While those remain in 219.x like me enjoy decent connection speed due to less congestion.

I am just guessing… But it is very true that suddenly more people are getting pissed off by streamyx.

Update: AhYap no longer wants to complaint about Streamyx so he can live in PEACE. Please read his final post on how to solve your slow streamyx connection for the last episode. Commenting for this post has also been closed.

Sojai is different than Sohai. Sohai are normal people with normal brain but do stupid stuff. Sojai do weird stuff because their brain already got some wiring problem. So here means ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ and jai means ‘kid’. Sojai that are serious will be locked up in Hospital Tanjung Rambutan or Hospital Tampoi.

This series is not to look down on them but is for laugh only because I can’t understand why there are so many sojai near my house! You will be amazed.

Sojai #1 is a happy sojai. He calls every man God-Father (义父) and every woman God-Mother (义母). If he sees you he will come to you and says, “God Father, give me 1 ringgit.” (义父，俾一文我). Then after he get his 1 ringgit, he will run to a nearby grocery store to buy 2 cigarettes. He will immediately start smoking one and stuck the other one to his ear. He will then walk like the king on the street enjoying every buff.

He will shit anywhere when he wants to shit. He will just pull down his pants and shit. There is a kind of firecracker that look like a match. You scratch it and throw it away and it will explode in a few seconds, something like a grenade. And one time when this sojai is shitting happily, some naughty kid lighted up the firecracker and threw it under his ass. The firecracker exploded and he jumped up like a rocket!

My father never gives him money because if you give him once, he will come to you everyday. But even if you don’t give him money, he will still come to you occasionally. And what surprise us is last week, when he come to my dad again, he didn’t say,”God father, give me 1 Ringgit.”

Instead, he said, “God father, give me 50 cents.” Wow! After so many years, he finally realized my father will not give him 1 ringgit and he is now offering my father 50% discount to hope that my father will change his mind. He is getting smarter and using psychology on us!

There are more sojai stories that I will be writing, such as the ‘fuck you sojai’, the ‘I am useless sojai’, the ‘lottery sojai’ and a lot more. And they all stay near and wander near my house.

I live in a kampung called Ipoh where we only have 200,00 people. In KL, there are 4.2 million people! That’s 21 times more than Ipoh. In recent years, I have been traveling to KL quite often and I find that I really have to pay my honor to KL people. A lot of things that seems unbearable to me are acceptable to KL people.

1. Respect for KL Drivers in Traffic Jam.

KL people can spend a few hours in the traffic everyday. Usually they will have to drive 1 hour+ to work and 1 hour+ back to work. At least 2 hours a day is wasted in the car. This number is scary if you multiplied that with the number of people driving everyday.

2. Respect for KL People Carrying Laptop while Shopping and Dining.

KL is popular of laptop thieves. Leaving your laptop in the car is unsafe and thus you can see a lot of KL people carrying their laptop while walking in KLCC and dining in SS2. Those who go clubbing after work also need to carry their laptop along.

3. Repect for KL People Paying for Parking Fee

Parking everywhere cost money. Parking at KLCC can cost more than RM10! Parking outdoor at Bukit Bintang area is RM5 on weekdays and RM7 on weekends. Parking fee at Mid Valley is now per hour basis instead of per entry. And more scary, parking at night at some places that should be free are now required to pay as well because the heavily-tattooed guard will tell you, “We take care of your car and make sure no one will scratch your car”.

4. Respect for KL People Paying for lots of Toll.

Thanks to our Minister of Toll, Sammy Vellu on this. If I drive home to Bangi using Jalan Cheras I have to pay 3 tolls.

5. Repect for KL People Queuing for Cinema Tickets

KL has the biggest cinemas and yet people have to queue so long for the tickets. The KLCC queuing line is especially shocking to me where the cinema waiting area can be full of queued up people waiting to buy their tickets.

6. Repect for the KTM Komuter that always break down

Ride it 3 times and it broke down twice. In one occasion it broke down over 1 hour without air conditioning. Baby is crying non-stop and everyone is sweating like shit. Rude words can be listen all the time. I am OK because I am staring at a pretty girl for that 1 hour. Wahahaha. Later they need to send another komuter to pull our broken komuter back to the station and we have to ride another komuter.

7. Respect for the non-standard price Taxi Drivers charge

Taxi drivers in KL are very interesting. They can charge multiple ways, such as pre-negotiated rate, meter rate or mouth rate. Mouth rate means he don’t use the meter nor the pre-negotiated rate but after you reach, he open his mouth and tell you how much he wants. Short distance in KL can cost RM10! Passengers always feel like they are overpaying while drivers always feel like they are undercharging.

8. Respect for KL People Sense of Direction

Ok, this is a real respect. With so many roads and so many places in KL. I do really respect KL people who can navigate everywhere in KL and didn’t get lost.

9. Respect for KL People who Live So Near to Highway (and Electric Cable)

This is suggested by Ernest in his comment and I totally agree with it! Especially the highway near Sri Petaling. Some also live very near to Electric cable tower where they can hang their cloths there free of charge.

—

Here is why I love Ipoh. Sometimes there will be traffic jam but it is bearable. You will wish to have our type of traffic jam. Not much high-tech people here so not much people carrying notebook around. Parking is easy and cheap everywhere. Parking at Ipoh Parade is RM1 per entry and parking at other shopping complexes are free including Jaya Jusco, Tesco, Giant, etc. There is no toll in Ipoh. And you don’t need to queue 100 meters for your movie tickets.

Need a taxi? Call the taxi call center 2534188 and all prices are fixed. And the town is so small that there is no need for LRT or KTM komuter. Although a little sense of direction is required, you won’t get that lost in Ipoh. The last time I wanted to go to KLCC, the two jagung were very big and near to me. I made a bad turning and I lost until the jagung were missing from my eyesight. That’s KL.

But don’t feel disappointed if you are a KL people, because Streamyx in Ipoh is as fucked up as yours.

Soufulow: You nerd, you’re bringing laptop along on your diving vacation… what you plan to do huh, surf net with the sharks!?

Because this is the ‘view’ when you online.

Cool?

But i only online for 15 minutes a day. Sometime things that ‘look good’ aren’t really that good and things that ‘look bad’ aren’t really that bad.  Beautiful things can be very impractical.

1. Sea wind is so strong that your laptop screen keep yo-yo-ing.

2. Light is too strong in the day time that your screen has reflection (I see my face).

3. Light is too weak at night (they have those romantic dimmed yellow light) that you feel sea-sick after 10 minutes ’surfing’ online without a boat.

My room and my bed is still the best. And it’s free.

AhYap is online now at LCCT with the free Airport Wimax. He should now be on the flight but why the heck he is still blogging in the airport?

Because the dai sohai miss his flight!

AK5154 Tawau 15:25 Berlepas! (Berlepas = Departed! = Fly already!)

This is really joke of the day. I am already at the airport at 2 something, how can I miss the flight? I also don’t know, I just remember the last thing I do before trying to board is pee. I reach the boarding gate at 15:13 according to my watch, they say their watch is 15:20. They see I must board 10 minutes before the flight.

Ok, well, hmmm….

I think the reason for the flight delay is to give me some free time to blog using LCCT free WiMax so you guys can laugh at this dai sohai.

I am now waiting for the next flight at 17:50 which ticket I just bought at RM372 (1 journey 2 tickets). Please pray for me that I won’t miss this flight again.

Oh! Boarding now at 17:24! So early! Bye bye, I have to be kia su this time to queue up early!