Preparing to Die
Aug 2nd, 2007 by AhYap
Don’t worry, I am not going to kill myself. This is just a post about my weird behaviour. Hopefully it is not that boring.
I am a guy who like to eliminate things. I don’t keep a lot of things.
I used to be like my mum, who will hold on to everything. For example, I used to keep all my primary scholl textbooks, PMR and SPM reference books many many years. I used to keep all of my old cloths, all my exam papers, all exercise books, etc. I refused to thow any away or give to anyone. I felt like ‘They are mine’. I always thought that ‘Someday’ I will need them.
My mum even better. She keeps lots of old shoes and cloths that she no longer wear. She doesn’t allow me to throw away my faulty 14″ CRT monitor that I used with my 486. She keeps a lot of new bowls, forks and kitchenware in the cupboard for years and only use the 2nd grade one because she wants to keep the ‘new’ one for use later. The later is always become never. And the new always become old.
My grandmother (my mother’s mother) even better, she keeps chicken cages until today although she has not been raring chickens for decades. My mother is definitely her daughter.
I once want to throw away a table that I have disembled long time ago but lost all the screws. So it cannot be assembled back. She, on her own, carried all the table boards from upstairs to her car when I was not at home and fetched all of them to my grandmother house. She did that again with my old 486 computer table.
My behaviour, used to be exactly like my mother and my grandmother. I even used to keep a lot of my childhood toys!
…
Last few years, I begin to change. Instead of hanging to things, I have learned to let go. I feel guilty that I have not given my PMR and SPM books to someone because I never touched them at all after all these years. I were hanging on these books because I feel like they are my properties. I thought that ‘one day’ I might need to read them again. But when I realized I no longer need them anymore, it was too late as the books were obsolete and the only meaningful thing to do is to sell them to old newspaper collector.
I bought a lot of original books in Universities because I realize if I have a new book that smell good, I am more willing to study it then a photocopied 2-page-shink-to-1-page book. I donated all of them to my library 1 year after I left my University.
Realizing that I had a lot of old cloths that were in mint condition but I never wore anymore, I packed and donated all of them in the last 2 years. I also had a lot of shoes and in the recent Chinese New Year, I donated 8 pairs of shoes that I were keeping for years but never wore! One pair of the shoes is a RM200+ Dr. Cardin. It is the most expensive shoes that I ever bought when I were Form 5. I am guilty that I only wore it a few times. I bought it because I used to have the mindset, “I need to follow others people style and fashion”. I got a pair of jeans that I have donated as well because again, I bought it because someone say it is the fashion but I didn’t like it at all. I just wore it a few times.
Now, I only have 3 pairs of shoes and 2 pairs of Jeans.
I have given my favorite remote control car to my newphew after keeping it untouched for more than 10 years!
I also have the tendency to keep things very neatly. My room doesn’t look ‘pretty’ but it is extremely neat. If you rate a guy’s room, mine will be in top 1% in terms of tidyness. I can always find something easily because I simply don’t keep a lot of things.
All my important documents are kept nicely in a few files.
All my books are keep nicely in a few book shelves.
All my cloths are keep semi-nicely in my cupboard. (I don’t have much cloths)
Even my computer! I have all my filed arranged very nicely and I will delete everything that is not important. I delete emails after I read them too. My important data, is less than 2GB and I can migrate them back and forth from my laptop in 2 minutes.
Why suddenly I like to elimate things and keep things nicely?
The reason, is weird.
If I die tomorrow, my parents don’t need to be bothered with all my stuffs. I don’t want to leave a mess after I die. I want to give them the minimum troubles. Almost all my stuffs are in my room. I have
1. A few shelves of books
2. Cloths in the cupboard
3. My computer
4. Files that contain important documents arranged nicely (my will, insurance policy, financial info, etc).
So, if I die tomorrow, they can just donate my books and cloths. Keep my computer for their own use, and open my files to get all my important documents. They don’t need to waste a lot of time looking for things, figuring where I put my stuffs, and going through a lorry of stuffs and documents one by one just to know what they are.
At 27, AhYap has prepared to die.
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Walao leh… You really looks like me leh… Saw you post all these things, seems like I saw somebody else is writing about me…
Yes, I always thought that ‘Someday’ I will need them! All of the things you wrote are same with me, expect “All my important documents are kept nicely in a few files.”, I don’t have much times to manage the files on my PC.
Here is my question, are you Taurus?
Hehehe…
Ahhaha, you seem to be planning too far ahead, mate. Chances are pretty high that you’re not going to die anytime soon. You’d probably live all the way through your 50s before you pass on. X-)
Anyway, back on topic.. well, that’s the mindset of some Chinese families (especially those traditional ones like my grandma). Frugality was a virtue (and still is, in some cases). However, there has always been a fine line between frugality and stinginess. Most of the ‘old Chinese folk’ nowadays tend to be more than just frugal. They tend to border on uncanny. Case in point, would be like your mother with the table, or your grandma with the chicken cages. In my mother’s case, it would have been an old pair of slippers which she had ever since she was a child. Of course, it wouldn’t have been thrown away if the dog hadn’t mistaken it for a chew toy. ^___^
Besides, no point hanging onto the past. If anything, best to just keep a scrapbook or some mementos from the past. No use hogging everything that was important before, ’cause, as you mentioned, they will turn obsolete one day. Unless its value appreciates in the near future (antiques, duh), no point in keeping it. >_>”
Anywho, I burned all my SPM and PMR books after school officially ended. Made a huge bonfire out of them along with some other supplies.
Remember, be frugal, not stingy and uncanny.
Sincerely Yours,
Task
The Malaysian Banana
Haha, very happy that people will actually respond to this post! Thank you, thank you. Today is probability day.
@Chan: We both have some weird gens.
Unfortunately, your bet on Tauras is incorrect as I am Capricorn. There are 12 horoscope so if you guess 1, you have a winning probability of 8% only. A better way to win is, “Are you NOT Taurus?”. That way you have winning probability of 92%!
@Task: Probability is a fun science. I agree that the probability that I will die young is less than 0.1%. So as everyone else. But if we look at probability the other way, the probability of someone will die to tomorrow, is 100%!
According to 2005 malaysia reported crime rates, there are 6 girls get raped every day. Probability of a specific girl get raped is less than 0.1%. Probability of someone will get raped tomorrow is 99.9%.
I also have number of people dying (how come i go can remember such things?). In Malaysia, everyday there are around 1,200 babies born and 400 people died. Net increase of 800 people/day.
Hmmm, I should have make a BBQ fire with my SPM and PMR books instead of selling to old newspaper. That stupid SPM still give me bad dreams of not preparing for the exam after 10 years!
Hahaha… AhYap, thanks for teaching me the way of how to win more easily. Since both of us have some weird gens, right now I’m wondering are you NOT a hacker? And, how many website you NOT hacked before? Hehehe…
I’m 18 this year, and currently is doing some projects (HINT). So what is your occupation beside of a blogger? You know, sometimes what we put at the website is kinda “fake” one. For example, if I put “Student” as the occupation field at friendster(dot)com for my own profile, you know, I am NOT a student actually, hate study very much. And I stick to the PC all the days.
Hehe… Mr. Weirdo, thanks for launching streamyxsucks(dot)com and are you are full-time “blogger”? hehehe..
i still keep a lot of things. and i am not prepared to die yet. anyway, i do do some occasional housekeeping of data and archive my files.
where will we after we die? Will we still have our memory ? Where will be the memory going? Are we still conscious what will be happening to us? haha…Chinese July is good to talk about death.. I don’t mean to superstitious but just ..curious..
Omigod, I am also a keeper of junk, and unfortunately still is. All my college exam sheets, homework, clothes etc. is still in on my racks. I got a little better though and threw out a lot, but still can’t bring myself to throw away books and all my “hardwork” (homeworks, assignments etc.) because my rational is, very sayang ar… and also guilt! I feel guilty throwing books, eventhough I am sure they are eally obsolete by now. And the rationale about dying, I already make “arrangement” with my housemate/bestfriend to throw everything personal for me if I die. Hehe so you’re not that weird, i guess.
Sigh… I know will have to start throwing stuff someday!
@Chan: Wow, you are a hacker? I am definitely not a hacker but is always amazed with hackers (and crackers). I am also not a professional blogger, I did it just for fun. I am more a confused internet marketer that works at home and I am also an investor in stocks. I can also consider myself jobless.
hey im taurus, and 26
i used to keep all those old stuff , like my tranformers toy from my elimentry years hah..
but when im start living indipendantly away from my parents , moving all those stuff is so much troublesome that i have to give them away part by part everytime i moved…(i’ve been living in 8 different places all over Malaysia since spm heh)
right now all all i have is one futton, blanket, a laptop, a tv, a cupboard and a water heater in my room (talk about neat)..
AhYap, I am not a professional hacker, still at junior level. Haha… Jobless? Hmm, how about doing something to earn some? Discussion needed with you and also Soufulow.
Wow.. Azlan_lee, you moved so many times? I think I also want to throw everything away already liao… Haha
yep chan, if you see my room its like ‘ronin’ (drifter who didn’t pass Uni entry exam in Japan) room,
heck everytime my parent come to visit , they alway told me to get a ‘lou po’ to get my life more organize… (do they realized how expensive it is to get married nowdays!)